Post # 1
So I need some help… My boyfriend (soon-to-be fiance) is a police officer so generally he works A LOT! My father is also a police officer (they don’t work together) but he doesn’t work anywhere near as much as my boyfriend does… I guess I really wasn’t prepared for how much my boyfriend works. Let me also add that he is on a special unit so that keeps him even busier. My boyfriend is the sweetest man EVER and he really does try to pull strings so he can be with me as much as possible. The problem is he gets called into work ALL the time!! He only has ONE off day a week and if he takes vacation time they usually end up calling him in at some point… Not to mention the fact that they call him EVERY SINGLE DAY while he’s on vacation to ask him the STUPIDEST questions! It’s ridiculous! And he ALWAYS has to call them back… Like I said he goes out of his way to be with me as much as he possibly can… But my problem is, that when he gets called into work I get really upset and angry at HIM! I know it’s not his fault that the people he works with are jackasses (excuse the language)… I just feel like I had this whole day planned and then I have to put my day on hold for his work. And they always tell him that they just need him for a few hours and then a few turns into like 8!! I know I shouldn’t get mad at him because it’s his job but I just feel like I get the short end of the stick sometimes. Once again he is so amazing and really does pull strings to work as little as possible… And I really do love him with ALL that I am so I’m gonna have to learn to deal with his work!! But I don’t have many friends that live around here… The majority of my friends moved away after high school (I’m 22) so it’s just me and my 2 1/2 year old son. And since it’s winter here we can’t go outside to play… I’m also a student online so I can stay at home with my son. I love my son with ALL my heart and it’s not that he’s not fun but we’ve fallen into a monotonous routine…
So my questions are: 1. How do I stop myself from getting angry with my boyfriend when he gets called into work? And is it normal to feel a little angry/upset or am I way out of line? And 2. What can I do to get rid of this cabin fever and monotonous routine while my boyfriend is at work? Thanks! 🙂
Post # 3
I think the key is to get out of the house more. Consider exercise classes, or volunteering, maybe? Or you could get a dog. Kids love dogs, it will force you to go for daily walks to cheer you up, and you will meet lots of new people at obedience classes or even at the park… people love dogs, and they’re a real icebreaker.
My Fiance is a policeman too, and I work from home a lot. The issue I have though is that he seems to think I don’t work as I’m always at home, so I end up doing the lion’s share of the housework…. I think it’s a common problem when one partner spends long hours away from the home and one works from home.
Post # 4
I totally understand how you are feeling. My Fiance is a police officer as well – but I will tell you it gets better the longer they are on the force. When they are new (first 5 years) they have to work A TON and put in their time to make a place in the department to be promoted in the future. It’s a whole world that we can’t possibly understand. What I try to remember when I start to get upset is that it’s not his fault, it comes with the job. You want to be very careful of not getting upset with them before they go to work, esp for things out of their control – as you want their mind to be on what they are doing and aware of what’s going on around them – not worried that you are upset. I also second PP’s response – I got a dog and started doing workout classes to get myself out of being bored when he wasn’t home (I spend my weekends alone with his current schedule). Hang in there!
Post # 5
Police wife here. I have three points of advice:
1. Schedule date nights
2. Talk about his long term career plans. Does he see that schedule changing in the future? Is there a way he could work towards a lighter schedule (promotion/change special assignments)?
3. Find a hobby that keeps you occupied
I must say, I do find it odd that they call him all the time on off days and even vacation. Is he the K-9? Chief? Only guy who knows where the key to the evidence locker is?
Post # 6
My FH is a firefighter. There are months where I don’t see him but maybe once… Which is fine with me. At first, I didn’t like it. But then, I started embracing my me time. =) Now I really like it when he’s home, but I really like it when I’m alone too. I get to be in sweats, take care of the dogs the way I want, and life is good. I get to watch my real housewives without judgement or sighs. LOL. Embrace it sister, when ya’ll have kids, there’s no such thing as me-time!
Also, I would watch his mom. His dad is a firefighter so I would watch how gracefully she handles it when he’s gone. =)
ETA: The OTHER thing that helped me come to terms with it was a friend of mine who is a military wife. Nine months without seeing her hubs. How gracefully she handled it was something that gave me strength =)
Post # 7
Thanks ladies!! Good advice!! I’ll definitely have to find a hobby… Maybe I can find a mom and tot class that my son and I can join… or join a gym or something for those nights he works super late! 🙂
Post # 8
My Fiance is a police officer as well. The only difference it seems between you guys and me, is that I also work for the department; however, I am a civilian and not an officer. I see what goes on and understand the needs of the department. It definitely does SUCK big time when I have to sleep alone or when he has a ton of over time and our plans for the day get ruined since he needs to sleep once he gets home.
Since your Boyfriend or Best Friend is in a special assignment, those require crazy, crazy hours depending on what it really is. Is he in the Gang unit? Vice? I can completely see how he would get called in constantly even on his days off. Typically though, most of the people in specialized units have the same days off, at least that’s how it is in our department. Is it a large city department, small force, etc?
I would say keep on understanding that this is his job and he needs to do his best for bettering his career. Just like the other poster said as well, talk to him about his career plans and how much longer he plans on being in that unit? Schedules and responsibilities will definitely change once he goes into another unit or back into patrol, etc. In the mean time, try to make the best of the days he is with you and not being called into work. Try and find a hobby to take your mind off and keep you busy. Luckily for me, it hasn’t gotten too bad yet with my Fiance and his schedule. My assignment also requires some odd hours and random days of working so we try to make our schedules work together as best as we can. I work days and he works nights.
Whatever the situation is, you guys can figure something out to make it work out and be together. 🙂
Post # 9
Hobbies are very important.
Im in law enforcement as well as my hubby. It is important to understand that life will not be normal. Ever. Serious. The law enforcement world is a very different one indeed.
Be proud of him. Show much support. And realize your relationship will always come second. That’s what happens with careers in public service. it’s a fact.
Dont get mad, be happy your husband comes home. He’s a true hero.
And, lastly, just try and understand that he deals with awful things. Dangerous People/places, and deadly situations. What he needs is a shoulder. A positive and supportive rock that he can rely on. If he comes home to and angry or upset wife, the relationship will fail. 75%+ law enforcement marriages end in divorce. Don’t let that statistic become true in your household!
Stay faithful and continue to be his knight in shinning armor, because he can’t be his own, he’s the communities.