(Closed) Only for bees from a culture of monetary gift

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4017 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sophiadun:  I’m not sure I really understand what you mean by “low limit” but from what I know, there is no polite way to ask for cash only at a wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

No. No matter what culture you are from, there is NO polite way to ask for cash of any denomination.

People don’t owe you money because you decided to spend $50 a head on steak and lobster. You should not be inviting them expecting to recoup the costs of your reception.

Post # 5
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

i think the general advice on here has been to never mention that you prefer cash gifts — instead create a very small registry and people will get the hint.

Although its controversial, you can also do a honeymoon registry which essentially ends up being a cash registry… but only if you actually take that honeymoon and do the activities people are paying for…

Post # 6
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Agree with PP’s.

Post # 7
Member
45395 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

In the North American culture, (and that is what I shall address as you don’t indicate you live anywhere else) there is no polite way to ask for gifts of any kind at any event other than a shower, as everyone knows that’s what showers are all about. If your background is another culture, you would probably be best seeking advice from others of that culture.

If you want cash, don’t register anywhere except for maybe a few small things if someone is hosting a shower for you. It is acceptable to include registry information with a shower invitation.

If people ask for suggestions, you can say ” we have most everything we need . The only thing we still need and are saving up for is ____________”. They will get the message and send a cheque or bring cash or a cheque in a card to the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

There is no polite way to advertise that you prefer cash gifts. It’s best to tell your parents that if anyone asks, you prefer cash. You absolutely cannot in any way indicate that you think that gift should cover the plate and what that amount is. That makes it sound like you are charging guests for attending. How much and if they give is their personal choice, not yours.

Post # 9
Member
11242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@misschickpea:  I think what she means is that she wants to let guests know the per head cost of the reception to pass it on to the guests how much money they need to bring.

@Miss Leopard:  Actually, there ARE cultures where asking for money/guests bringing at least enough money to recoup the cost of their dinner is perfectly normal. 

OP, without knowing your culture/being part of it, we can’t really advise you. It’s not polite to ask for money for the vast majority of brides here. My suggestion would be to leave it off the website and let your mom/your groom’s mom/families pass that information around by word of mouth.

Post # 10
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

There is no polite way, because it isn’t polite. A wedding invitation, and acceptance of the invitation, are not a financial transaction. Gross.

Post # 11
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

@Miss Leopard:  i’m sorry. But I’m going to put this out there and say you don’t know much about any culture different from your own. I’m not normally this blunt, but I’m honestly rather offended. 

 

In OUR culture (you might want to read up about the mediterranean culture), asking for monetary gifts is completely normal. At times, guests may even get confused if their invite doesn’t include a gift specification. Asking for money is understandable because guests in our culture would want to give a gifts the couple will really need at a time of financial struggle in their lives. 

OP, going about it plain and simple is probably the best way. I’m sure your guests will want to spend their money on something you NEED, so don’t worry about it. Perhaps you could say something like “Your presence is the greatest gift we could possibly receive on our special day, but if you plan to compliment this with a monetary gift, it would really help us to start our new life together. Thank you.”

Post # 12
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

OP, why did you remove your original post? Please don’t let other bees offend you! Not everyone is supportive and empathic to other people’s culture/beliefs/wishes, but you will surely find someone to help you on here. hugs!

 

Other bees: you should be ashames of yourselves. This was her FIRST thread, you could have shown some hospitality. She wasn’t asking whether you approve of her methods, she wanted to find a way to ask for monetary gifts. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Post # 15
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

@sophiadun:  are you mediterranean too? PM me if you need any help. It’s not that bad here, I promise! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee

@Adams_bee:  Asking for money is understandable because guests in our culture would want to give a gifts the couple will really need at a time of financial struggle in their lives.

If a couple is financially struggling, why are they throwing a wedding? They would be better served not having a reception and paying xx per person than spending money and expecting the guests to give money and recover. It is rude asking for money. You should never ask for a gift. Suggestions are different, it lets the guest have an option of what they would like to give instead of opening their wallets.

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