Politely telling her she's not invited?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I wouldn’t say who you are inviting. I would say something like “I would love to have you come but we are having a very intimate wedding because of _____” like if you can’t afford a large wedding you can say that. And then after that make a comment how you would love to see her and set up a time to hang out or something so she doesn’t think you aren’t friends anymore.


Post # 3
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Nontra:  “We’d love to invite you, but we’re having an immediate family only event”. You don’t have to tell her there will be other friends there.

Post # 4
1116 posts
Bumble bee

Aquaria:  If it’s a mutual friend though it’s likely that the person will find out the other friend is going.

Nontra: We’ve just been telling people that we’re having a very small wedding because we are paying for it ourselves and can’t afford a larger one (which is the truth so no one can catch us out in a white lie etc), whatever you say though it is likely that at some point she’s going to realise that it’s because she’s not as close to you as other friends are but that’s just how it is with weddings (ranking friends in terms of closeness to work out who is invited and who isn’t has been the worst bit of wedding planning. It’s horrible!)  

Post # 5
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nontra:  It’s rude of her to ask. But if she does, “Sorry but it’s just family and close friends” is, despite your misgivings, probably the best way to answer.

And so what if she finds out the other girl is going. Unless you’re her best friend, it’s inevitable that you will be closer to some friends that to her. That said, it may pay to warn the other friend not to blab about your wedding in front of her.

Post # 7
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I just told people that we were having a very small, private wedding. I didn’t feel comfortable mentioning budget constraints (because it wasn’t true and I generally think it’s bad manners to discuss money maters), but whenever this came up, I just said something like “oh, we’re having a private ceremony, so we didn’t plan for a lot of guests but maybe afterwards, we’ll have a bigger party to celebrate with friends and family that we couldn’t invite.” I like the suggestion that you also make concrete plans to get together with this particular friend. I didn’t do that, but I can see where it would have been a good idea.

Post # 9
6194 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

How about something like “Actually, we aren’t having a lot of friends at the wedding, but we’d love to see you earlier in the week if you have time. How about Wednesday for dinner?”

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