Post # 1
My parents are not contributing to the wedding what so ever and they are VERY well off. My finace and I are not in debt, and dont plan to be after the wedding. We’re keeping things small ( we didnt expect any money from anyone so we planned what we can afford) intimate ceremony 30-40 people of everyone shows, and cocktail reception. My FMIL isnt vetry well off so I wasnt expecting anything from her either.
I guess I was hoping my parents would offer to pay for something, venue, or the dress. not the whole thing but you know contribute? See that im planning a modest wedding, on our own, not asking for anything. This is just how my parents are and i know that, but considering they just gave my sister an 07 minni cooper, a brand new Dell laptop, iphone5 and are paying for her $30000 university bills starting next year..a little something thrown my way would be a little nice considering they havnt had to pay for any schooling for me ( i apprenticed as a baker for 4 years, still working on my red seal) and never gave me money for a car..(srry for the bit of a rant here)
Just cirious if anyone elses parents/inlaws are contributing or if alot of people are paying their own way?
Post # 3
Well both parents were originally paying but my parents pulled out their money 8 weeks out :S
Post # 4
@lisha_1988: Thats awful! srry that happened, did you manage to pull it off?
Post # 5
My parents are contributing. My FFIL told my FSIL that he wanted to help, but hasn’t said anything to me or FH. FMIL definitely isn’t.
Post # 6
My in laws are kind of, my Dad offered. However these are things they offered. The money my Dad gave me, made be uncomfortable because I new he wouldn’t’ approve of the kind of money we are spending on the wedding. So I end up putting that in my savings and he going to help me invest it also.
My FMIL is crafting things for the wedding, and they offered to pay for rehearsal dinner. But I think we might end up paying for that, because I feel weird about me planning it and then having them write a check for it.
As for what role I expect my parents to pay or wanting them to chip in. I just don’t believe in that. My parents are kind of like yours well off yet they give us gifts and things when they feel like it. My Dad in particular who came from a third world country with nothing to America feels like given the opportunities we have, that we should be able to support ourselves and that we aren’t entitled to certain things. I have to say I agree with him.
So some people may think my parents are tightwads or “selfish’ I don’t see that way. They don’t love me any less then people who parents wrote them a blank check for their wedding. I always think to myself that they don’t “owe” me anything and I am not entitled to money that they worked hard for simply because I am their child. Right now we are paying for 95 percent of our wedding and that how I like it.
Post # 7
My parents would contribute financially if they could, but they’re not in the position to. I know they will help out in other ways. I plan on doing heaps of DIY so I know my mum will be down for that!
Post # 8
My fiancé and I are paying for the majority, his parents are putting in nothing and my mom is paying for our cake, contributed a small amount to the band, and my mom is throwing our shower, everything else is on us.
Post # 9
@TwoCityBride: I like the way they normaly do things, i wont want life handed to me i like working and earning what we have, it feel better! I totaly think its up to the couple ot pay and whats offered is offered. I think im just a little erked that theyre spending a ton on my sister and havnt offered anything for us. If they were more fair about their gift giving i would feel better.
Post # 10
My parents offered to pay for it, and FI’s parents offered to pay for half, so they will probably pay half each and FI and I will pay for our honeymoon and a couple of other wedding things 🙂
Post # 11
DH and I paid for our entire wedding on our own without any help.
Post # 12
My parents always said they would pay what they paid for my sister’s wedding ($20K+) but now that we are engaged we have been copping a guilt-trip so we have decided to pay for it ourselves. Not worth the stress, and at least this way we can invite whoever we want and not have to invite anyone just for the sake of it
Post # 13
My parents are contributing by letting us have the wedding at their property, as well as chipping in a little for food and a marquee.
The in-laws insisted on paying for some of the wedding, so they’re paying the balance on the photographer and some of the food (about $2000 total).
Post # 14
@myluverbuny: Sure it’s only natural to be annoyed that was given things you aren’t. I get where you coming from. My two eldest brothers got nearly everything paid for. My middle brother got nothing he didn’t go to college. My Twin and I got some money and help but had to take out some loans and apply for scholarships all merit based as our parents clearly made too much money.
I think for me I try not to compare and contrast my relationship with my parents with my older brother(I fail miserable all the time!). There is a nine year age difference between us so perhaps my parents change their minds on some things. I do think there were harder and stricter on my older brothers but gave them more. With us they loosen the reins more gave us more choice and personal freedoms.
I think it’s it’s really bothering you, you can ask them if they want to plan on contributing but be ready for them to turn you down. I suspect your parents see being college educated as very important which is why they are probably still paying a lot of expenses for your sister. Who knows perhaps if you want down the same path and went to college the would have spent that money on you too.
ps: This is the most rational and in perspective post I seen on the topic.
Post # 15
@myluverbuny: By wiping out our savings and an AMAZING MIL we managed it. I wish they had done it earlier on… I would have cut things out but because they did it so late on we had no choice but to pay them!
Post # 16
My mother keeps talking about giving us money for the wedding, but I am hell bent on not taking it. I don’t want her to have any say in our planning, or to invite some of her awful friends that I don’t even know just so she can have somebody there to “talk to”.
So yeah, we’re paying 100%. I told her if she wants to give us money, she can give it to us as a wedding gift on the day of if she wants to, but I won’t be taking any money towards the actual wedding/honeymoon.