(Closed) POLL: Did you get your heart badly broken before you found your FI/DH?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did you get your heart badly broken right before you found your FI/DH?
    Yes : (63 votes)
    69 %
    No : (28 votes)
    31 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1737 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Define “right before,” heh.

    Four years before I met FI, I went through a horrific breakup which sent me into a deep spiral of depression. In those four years, I dated other men and had one long-term relationship (which resulted in the birth of my daughter), but I was never happy, and I never got over my ex. It wasn’t until I starting dating FI that I finally became happy enough to get over him.

    So, no, not right before, but FI is the man who finally helped me mend my broken heart.

    Post # 5
    Hostess
    8580 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Yeah. My ex was one of those guys that was never happy. I poured my life into him, did everything I could to make him happy, I even took out loans so he could go back to college [Which I’m STILL paying on currently]. In the end, none of it really mattered. He didn’t really care for me, he just liked the idea OF me. It was a dealbreaker when he told me he was “too old for kids” [after being together 3 years, and previously agreeing on having kids]. I was pretty devastated.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    No. I’d broken up with a boyfriend about 8 months prior to meeting DH. I’d been having an awesome time casually dating and was surprised that my relationship with DH went beyond a few dates – I really wasn’t looking for love but he was worth it ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 7
    Member
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

    yup! I had dated a guy for almost 8 months my sophomore year. I REALLY liked him. He broke up with me the summer between sophomore/jr year (this is college) and I didn’t see it coming. I pined all summer, and in the fall of jr year, we got back together. Which just made it 10x worse when after just two months of dating the second time around, he cheated, acted differently (more like a DOUCHEbag), etc etc. Worse is, he totally played games with me. I told him i needed space, and he’d then end up trying to talk to me. Which would lead to a fight about why we couldn’t be together. And he’d make vague statements that would lead me to believe he did want to be together, he was just fighting some kind of inner battle he had to get over, etc, etc, etc….

    He was really just a shitty person at the time.

    Well, I FINALLY got to the point where although I wasn’t over him, I WANTED to get there. And about a month after that, I met my future FI. It really surprised me how much I liked him! Of course the first time he asked me out, I said no, because I wasnt sure if I was really ready, and I was going to Rome for an entire semester in about 4 months. But we kept seeing each other anyway, and about a month after I told him no, I asked HIM out! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Post # 8
    Member
    6745 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I literally met my FI 2 weeks after I broke up with my ex. 

    X and I were dating just for over a year and things were downhill for about 7 months already and I was still trying to work thigns out because the first 4-5 months were so wonderful and I was so in love, I just knew that if I gave the relationship more time and worked on it more, that it would work out.  Eventually, I figured out that he was never going to change and I was wasting my time.

    We got into a fight one night after he did the same thing I had been asking him not to do over and over and over again (continuously pick seeing his friends over seeing me several times in one week…) and I kicked him out of my house (I think that was a Thur).. we spent the weekend apart from each other, recovering I suppose and then we went on a “date” that Sunday or Monday, he spent the night.. he said something like how things were so great that night, but that he didn’t think anything was going to change.. and so I said that’s it, if it’s not going to change, it’s not going to change…

    It was REALLY tough for me, though.. I had very strong feelings and I spent 2 weeks crying what felt like 24/7, I even got eczema on my eyelids from the stress/crying too much!

    Then I went out for the first time since the breakup (that wasn’t leaving the house for work lol) because it was my friend’s party and I had to go and I met FI and .. well, that was that!  Everyone said he was a rebound, but 3 years later and we’re engaged, living together on our own, and happy as can be.  Longest. Rebound. Ever. 

    ETA:  As for X?  I haven’t spoken to him in 2 years, but I believe he spent a majority of those 3 years single.  He only just put himself in a relationship on FB over the summer.  The first year, I know he tried to date, but never had a “gf” because he couldn’t keep one.  I do sometimes wonder what he’s up to because I’m curious, but I’d rather not open up that can of worms and message him to find out.  ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Post # 9
    Member
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I was in my first long term relationship and it wasn’t a good one but I was really in love with him and he suddnely broke it off I was devistated.  I went on a date with one guy like 2 weeks later, I was young and didn’t want to let him ruin any future relationships, the date went well but it didn’t turn into anything then a few weeks later I started dating my best friend and now FI ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 10
    Member
    1514 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @TorTor09:  I voted yes, but I guess the more accurate response is “kind of.”

    The story is kind of long and complicated, so I’ll give a more condensed version … I doubt anyone wants to read about all the crazy details anyway!  Haha.

    I’d kept in touch off and on with a male friend from high school over the years.  I always thought he was really attractive, nice, intelligent, funny, etc., but nothing ever happened between us.  I actually had a very serious boyfriend for a little over 4 years (including 2 years of high school), so I really did think of this friend as just that … A friend.

    We got back in touch during my junior year of college.  It was random (I can’t even remember who initiated it), but we started talking pretty much every evening online and on the phone.  I was single and he was single.  Eventually, we decided to have a relationship.

    I really loved this guy.  I mean, really loved him.  I felt things for him that I honestly hadn’t felt for my boyfriend of 4+ years!  When things didn’t work out (he had serious commitment issues and just couldn’t deal with a serious relationship), I was devastated.  

    Unfortunately, because we both still had feelings for each other, it became an on-again-off-again thing that lasted about 2.5 years.  

    I say “kind of” because during one of our “off-again” times, I started seeing another guy.  This guy turned out to be a total psycho (seriously, he was controlling, obsessive, and stalked me for 4 months after I broke up with him, which was kind of terrifying).  It was never serious with him (we were just together for a few months), and I never had strong feelings for him … It was more of a casual thing (at least for me).  

    So, technically, the psycho guy was my last official “boyfriend” prior to meeting my fiance.  However, the ex who broke my heart and I started seeing each other again after I broke up with the psycho guy … We just weren’t “officially” together at the time.

    About a month before I met my fiance (we met in May 2007), I decided I just couldn’t deal with the emotional rollercoaster that went along with this on-again-off-again relationship (or whatever it was at the time) with my ex.  I just stopped returning his calls and texts because I knew I’d cave if I didn’t.

    I’m glad I decided to be strong at that point.  I needed to finally end things and move on … I wasn’t happy with the situation, and I knew it could literally go on forever if I didn’t make a conscious choice to stop hanging out with him, sleeping with him, etc.  

    It turned out to be the best thing I could have done because it allowed me to open myself to new possibilities … And those possibilities included my (now) fiance!  Smile

    I guess that wasn’t really a short story … Sorry!  

    Oh, and side note … My life isn’t really as filled with drama as this post might indicate.  When I was younger, yes … Since I met my fiance, no.  (Just another one of the many reasons I feel so lucky to have him in my life!)

    Post # 11
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My ex of 2 years lost his father in May. He pushed me away and turned to drinking. Our relationship faded quickly. He wouldn’t answer my calls or come to my house. If I wanted to talk to him or see him I had to go drive 30 mins to his frat house, where he was normally drunk. At the end of Aug I decided I couldn’t do it anymore and I broke up with him. Once I broke up with him he decided he ‘needed me’. We kinda still talked/dated/hooked up a bit until Dec. I met my FI in Feb and everything changed. I wanted no contact with my ex or anything. I am the happiest woman alive and love my FI to pieces. Can’t imagine ever being treated the way I was treated before him.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1102 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Had a really nasty break up with me ex, had a few ‘flings’, broke up with one guy who is totally nice but we just didn’t fit and met my FI 2 days later.

    Post # 13
    Hostess
    23640 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    DH and I have been together for almost 11 years now. He was my rebound guy after my high school bf left me for someone he met at school. I never thought I would marry him but 11 years later, here we are!

    Post # 14
    Member
    6360 posts
    Bee Keeper

    No, but he did.

    He learned how to tell a good woman from a bad one…. the hard way. It makes me angry every time I think of it. I think she was a sociopath and I expect one day she’ll be in jail.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1376 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I was in love with a guy but since we were from different countries and neither of us were able/willing to move. It wasn’t really a “breakup” per se because we always knew it was going to end, but it was really difficult for me to leave. I swore I would never fall in love with someone from another country again because the heartache was too much. One month later, I met my SO-who is from a different country. The difference is that he is able and willing to move. Nonetheless, I kept him at arm’s length for three months before he won me over. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    7468 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    We both had our hearts broken shortly before meeting each other.

    The topic ‘POLL: Did you get your heart badly broken before you found your FI/DH?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors