Is it rude when guests back out of the wedding at the last minute?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude when guests back out last minute to a wedding they RSVPed "yes" to?
    I don't care what the excuse is, definitely rude and I'd be annoyed : (10 votes)
    6 %
    Unless the excuse is serious, definitely rude and I'd be annoyed : (152 votes)
    84 %
    Annoying but I wouldn't care : (18 votes)
    10 %
    Nothing rude about it and I feel fine : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @asc341:  I would be thrown off by that sort of excuse, particularly if final numbers had been submitted to the caterer.  Emergencies happen though, and I wouldn’t be upset if there was a legitimate reason.

    Post # 4
    3199 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @asc341:  unless something really serious and unexpected came up that is just out of their control and they just could not have planned for, i’d totally be annoyed. its like these people don’t understand that there is a deadline for a reason, and after that point you are locked into paying for them even if they don’t show up! ugh!

    Post # 5
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    It’s both rude and lame to RSVP “yes” and then back out on the grounds of not knowing anyone! I don’t think anyone can reasonably take offence when emergencies happen.  Two of my evening guests failed to turn up, one because he’d just been diagnosed with viral meningitis and the other because his son was taken to Accident & Emergency (ER to you US bees!) earlier that day. I was much more worried for them than I was their lack of attendance.

    But lame, late excuses are the pits! 

    Post # 6
    2047 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @asc341:  ANNOYING!!! I had people changing their rsvps the week of like crazy… luckily I had a venue that thankfully let me change it up until a few days bfr. HOWEVER, I am so miffed at several ppl who ended up no showing….no reasoning for most, some had super lame excuses (like got called into work out in the field….THE WEEK BFR…meaning they could have called and told us????) our wedding cost us roughly 150+ a person….so x 8 people thats a LOT of money wasted on pure  ignorance.

    lol…sorry….I had’nt vented about that yet

    Post # 7
    11300 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @TwoStatesBride:  This.

    We only had one person back out and never got a reason. My cousin RSVPd for two adults and two kids (HA, I just realized that I have no idea if they even got their kids’ meals), and showed up without her husband (though she said “plus one,” though her husband was invited). Booooooooooooo.

    Post # 8
    8483 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Yeah it’s rude unless it is a very legitimate reason (health, death, accident, you know some emergency).

    Post # 9
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @asc341:  thats a really stupid excuse. I went to a wedding where I knew no one except my FI. We ended up having a great time because everyone at the table was conversing. At a wedding, those situations will happen, but after a little while, everyone gets warmed up and someone at the table will start a conversation that everyone can be involved in.

    Post # 10
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2001

    Thats a super lame excuse. Sounds like they would have known that when they RSVPed. They could have said “We can’t afford it / Going to another wedding that day” If you don’t know anyone there you still have your spouse. Lame!

    Post # 12
    8850 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I had a couple people do this, for semi legitimate reasons.  Although it’s “technically” rude, I was just so incredibly happy that whole weekend that I couldn’t be bothered to give a shit.  Hopefully you’ll feel the same way 🙂

    Post # 13
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I don’t think it’s rude. You are not obligated to attend and if something more important comes up, then so be it. Life happens. I’d deal with it and move on.

    Post # 15
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @asc341:  Just because you don’t like someone’s reason doesn’t make it any less valid for them. You can’t control other people or judge them by your own standards. Everyone is different.

    Post # 16
    3633 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We had this happen. I didn’t mind that one person couldn’t make it because her sitter backed out at literally the last minute but I had someone else who couldn’t get off of work apparently. That was really irritating as I think you would know ahead of time whether you can get it off or not.


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