[POLL] Jr. Bridesmaid and Usher Last Name Problem

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which last name would you put?
    Their mother's last name : (2 votes)
    10 %
    Their father's last name (their legal name) : (19 votes)
    90 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    That is awkward and honestly unless there was a legal name change that sounds like BS. However, as the children are minors just do what the mom says. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    42469 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    SneakyBee:   I would use whatever name they are known by. If they go by Smith and you use Jones, no one will know who you are talking about.

    Ask the mother what name she woujd prefer you use.

    Post # 4
    Member
    715 posts
    Busy bee

    SneakyBee:  um…but what do those kids put on their tests at school? what name does it say on their report cards? i’d feel weird not to use the legal name…

    or can you just omit their last name? (because they’re so young… and go with something like bride’s niece Jane , bride’s nephew John -> i know they’re not your neice / nephew, but i couldn’t figure out what the correct term is…)

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Kili.
    Post # 5
    Member
    6048 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Use legal last names.  What if the kids use their dad’s last name and look at the programs like who are those kids?  Plus she shouldn’t be bashing their father, or get her family to help her out, it only makes her kids feel like crap.  Maybe even just use only their first names?  I hate when parents do this to their kids.

    I have 3 half brother’s who my dad raised.  My parents didn’t have the money to get their names changed and they still go by their father’s last name, their legal names, as do their kids.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    876 posts
    Busy bee

    I think it’s awful that she is making them feel bad about half of their genetic make-up and their very identity.

    I would ask the kids what they call themselves/ how they think of themselves. Then I would inform the cousin that you are using the names the kids themselves identifiy with because it’s important to their self-esteem to have that sense of identity and you won’t be taking that away from them for anybody.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1737 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

    SneakyBee:  Unless she home schools them there is no way they dont use their legal name. The school goes based on what is on your birth certificate.

    ANYWAY, I would use their name. I know she’s your cousin but do not make confusion for these kids when they look at this program.

    Or as Kili said, omit last names all together. Not saying there will be anyone bad at your wedding but some people prefer their kids names not to be used in the first place, for safety reasons.

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