(Closed) poll: the longer the wait, the later we have a baby?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: how many of you feel the longer he waits, the longer you have to wait to have a baby?
    yes it pushes my baby timeline further away : (54 votes)
    61 %
    no it doesn't push my baby timeline further : (23 votes)
    26 %
    i don't want kids : (5 votes)
    6 %
    other explain : (7 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think that’s up to you guys. If you feel like you have the foundation to have a baby, it doesn’t matter. We didn’t want to have a baby till I was 30/we had done some traveling and moved cross-country. Our wedding happening later would not have changed that. But, every situation is unique. Nobody’s opinion but your s and your BF’s matters. You need to discuss that with him.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @Impatiently waiting: no offense, but this is something you two need to talk out.  You need to sit down with him, tell him your feelings, and ask about his.  No one can tell you to push him into proposing or that it’s no big deal and to just do it.  Well, they could, but it wouldn’t be fair or right (not in my opinion, anyway).

    If you feel this strongly, then no matter what the poll says, it’s still up to you and your bf to come to an agreement.

    Me? I thought the same, got married, then got pregnant.  I left my ex-husband and had my son pretty much on my own.  My original thoughts on marriage and kids kinda were tossed to the wind after that.  I then had a daughter with my FI and we’re living together and don’t plan on getting married till next year.  And already planning on getting a house (currently have an apartment) and having a another child before the wedding.

    Everyone is different and only you know what you want and only you can talk to your bf about your feelings and his.

    You said he’s ready for marriage now… but he’s not going to propose till later?  Have you asked him about this?  Asked why he wants to wait when he’s ready?  Does he want children? (I’m not saying this to be mean, it’s an honest question and could play into why he’s not wanting to get married yet.  hopefully not!!!)  Is it a financial thing?  (that’s part of what our issue was and why we’ve waited till now to have another.)

    there are lots of questions to ask.  The only thing we can do is give you OUR opinions and thoughts…. which, I hate to say this, isn’t going to help you much. ๐Ÿ™ 

    good luck!!!!

    Post # 6
    Member
    3302 posts
    Sugar bee

    I chose other- we already have a child together. I just gave birth almost 5 months ago. He would like another child within the next year or so but I told him we had to be married before the next one.

    I chose to have a child with him now because my oldest is almost 12 and planning for a wedding won’t happen for a while so I didn’t want continue the huge age gap but now before adding even more to the mix, I need for us to be married.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I have been with my FI for over 3 years now and we have been living together for most of it. We broke up a couple times but always got back together. The last time we broke up we continued sleeping together and I got pregnant (we weren’t trying it just happened). After talking about it for awhile we decided to get back together and then later to get married. It really depends on how you feel about it but I think that you can have a child at any point in your life. The only time it bothers me is when a person is trying when they cannot support the child or they are trying just to get the guy to stick around…when they usually really take off. It’s really up to you though.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @Impatiently waiting: no problem.  If it helps you any, I’ve had to wait over a year for us to get where we can try for another child.  ๐Ÿ™‚  I’m pretty sure you’re not alone in having to wait for one reason or another.

    still sucks, though. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 10
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I’m 38, so time mattered for me. Not sure if my story will help you, but here it is:  When my last relationship ended, I was 35. I said to myself: “While on one hand, I would rather be alone than pick the next guy to get hitched with just because my clock is ticking, on the other hand, I would like to find a life partner and start a family.”

    So, I wouldn’t date anyone not interested in kids (which was easy to tell dating online). I passed by anyone wishy-washy, too…I figured, by the late 30’s, a man should know if he wants a family or not! Believe it or not, I even passed up a few guys over-driven by their biological clocks! There are a few guys out there who just want to get married and have a kid.

    Anyway, within 6 months I met my current FI. (And we met through friends, not online, so I had to wait for him to mention family to see if he was interested in kids!) Within a few weeks, he talked about being a family man and said he already had some kids and would gladly welcome more! I knew he was the one for this and a hundred other reasons. In six more months, we moved in. One year after that (this past summer), he proposed. We will be married this coming summer and try conceiving from that point on.

    I feel so grateful to Father Time that this all happened so quickly and smoothly and now hope that Mother Nature will be kind, too! ๐Ÿ™‚

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    4804 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We have talked about this, and I feel that it does push our baby timeline back.  We would like to buy a place together before we have children and I will not do that until we are engaged/married (this is literally the only thing holding us back…that and me selling my place).  I always thought I would like to be married for awhile before getting pregnant, but that time period will also get shorter depending on how long I wait.  Luckily I don’t think it will make that much of an impact since we should be engaged soon.  I think I will be 28 when we are married, and I would like to have kids around 30.  In a perfect world of course!

    Post # 12
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I agree with not having a child with a man without being married (for myself, that is.  I respect everyone’s life decisions though!), it’s not his proposing to me that’s keeping me from having kids.  It’s schoooooool. 

    I actually want him to propose sooner so that I can get married while I’m in school.  That way when I get out of school (at the biologically ripe age of 28), I can have kids as soon as my ass gets settled at a practice, instead of having to wait to be married. 

    So I get where you’re coming from.  BUT I also have to agree with some of the bees here, if it’s a huge problem, talk it over with him.  If he won’t budge, then it’s only 6 months until he proposes (supposedly) and maybe a year until your married. 

    I am a great proponent of science, genetics, and how it factors for the fertiliy of women and I would say that while now would be a good time biologically, you have some time before you have to start worrying. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee

    Yes, for me the longer he waits to propose, the longer I have to wait to have kids. We’ve already had the kids discussion, and we both want a minimum of 2 and probably 3. I would have kids tomorrow if I could. However, he wanted to wait a minimum of 2 years after getting MARRIED before trying for the first kid. I negotiated him down to trying to conceive at 1 year and 3 months after marriage (thus, if successful within the first few tries, we would have the first kid right around the 2 year point).

    He did help me realize that this is a better plan for us overall. By the time we have our first child, I will have all of my debt paid off and this will also give me more time to save up sick leave from work and save up money. Having paid off all of my debt before the birth will help tremendously with money for the child. And I’ve been horrible with saving my sick leave, so if I can save starting now I will have almost three months of paid time off from work by the time I have the kid. Then, I’m also planning on saving the equivalent of another 3-9 months of pay so that I have the option to take leave without pay from work. I would love the option to spend the entire first year raising my child before having to get a nanny and not have to quit my job (SO and I will both be keeping our jobs).

    Post # 14
    Member
    115 posts
    Blushing bee

    No, it doesn’t for me. I haven’t thought that far yet – too scary lol. I’m 25 and don’t want kids until 29 at least (and finish by 34!) I think. I don’t have babies on my mind at the moment. Our timeline allows a few years of just us, married with no kids. So we’ve got some wiggle room.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee

    @mxpinky:  I too am 25 and don’t want to start having kids until around 29 or 30 either!  Whether he proposes tomorrow or next year wouldn’t really affect when we start having kids.

    Post # 16
    Member
    328 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    When, little different situation. We are getting married this year, but the longer he waits to start his career the longer we have to wait for kiddos…. either way, I want to start a life now!

    The topic ‘poll: the longer the wait, the later we have a baby?’ is closed to new replies.

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