POLL: What happened after he asked for space?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What happened after he asked for space?
    Asking for space was the first stop on the slow train to splitsville : (62 votes)
    60 %
    The space ended up making our relationship stronger : (8 votes)
    8 %
    He asked for space and I broke up with him to give him all the space he needed : (10 votes)
    10 %
    Other - please explain : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Don't know, I've never been in that situation : (21 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee

    A man who wants to be with you will NEVER ask for space. I voted number 3. A man who is for “real” will chase you. Once he gets you, he will never let go.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7219 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    CapitolBee:  I haven’t been in this position, but I have used that phrase to break up with someone, I’m sorry to say. To me, it translates as I want out but don’t want to be cruel And don’t want a scene. 

    I have never heard of a guy using it to mean anything other than breaking up, but maybe another bee has a different perspective. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee

    this guy is my ex, so grain of salt. 

    I had a bad day at work and told my boyfriend i was feeling very alone in our city where I don’t know many people and he does. He responded by comforting me but then started to pull away. when I kept in contact with him like usual, he started accsuing me of being controlling and asked for space. I gave it to him for about two weeks but he was alternatively upset when I would make plans without him, and pissed off when he would pointedly break plans with me. It came to a head when he called me a bitch in front of his friends for something totally innocuous and I dumped him the next morning. He was just trying to be macho because his friends were teasing him for being too into me because they were all single. Very mature guys. anyway, I’m not a fan of space. You don’t know where you stand and you start to question everything. “is it okay if i still text him?” “should I wait for him to text me?” “do we still have plans?” “how long do I wait to hear back from him before I stop waiting and make other plans?” etc. in my opinion, it’s never a good thing. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1433 posts
    Bumble bee

    He wanted to live apart for an indefinite time to think about our future.  After about five weeks of the guy I owned a house with spending all his time with his friends and barely speaking to me.  I told him I think we need to call this what it is – a break up.  Although he claimed he wasn’t intending to break up with me I think the initial “space” was as much guts as he had when really he wanted to break up. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2278 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

    Honestly, I used that term to distance myself & break up with an ex that I knew would take it extra hard :/.  I wouldn’t wait around because a man that wants to be with you will stick by your side even when times are tough!

    Post # 9
    Member
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    CapitolBee:  i think its like you said is it a break or space. very different!! because my DH has in the past asked for space which just ment i was clingy. and i backed off and things are great. he just ment he needed “him” time. hes more of a loner and im the type of person who is surrounded by people a lot.  so i think it really depends on the meaning behind it. it didnt mean i was soppose to contact him for 10 days or anything. for us it ment he didnt want to hang out everything single day and that some days he just wants to do his own thing. i feel this is the exact same explanation my friend hannah had for her boyfriend. she is a loner and he wasnt. but in the end they didnt work out. so with all that said this “space” made our relationship stronger. but it wasnt a period of time or anything. i dont know waht i would do if he wanted space for a few weeks. i mean i can understand a week. thats not very long. but two… i would prob be busy by the time he came back around. how long have you been dating and have you spent every single day together so far? 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’ve never been in that situation, but I believe it’s about the same as breaking up.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2529 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    CapitolBee:  Depends on what you mean by space. When my then boyfriend said that he wanted me to go home one day a week, because I was essentially living with him, I certainly wasn’t happy about it. It didn’t last for very long though, because when his lease was up at the current place he was living, I asked him if he wanted to move in together, and we did it for real. A couple of years after that, we got engaged, and now we are married.

     So just think of it that he is uncertain. Could be he’s never been in a relationship this long before and just got freaked out. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I think it primarily depends on the the interpretation. For example, my FI and I say we need “space” every now and then when we just want some alone time (he ends up spending half the day in our bedroom watching sci-fi movies and I leave him alone). Usually happens when one of us is stressed out, or just need a break from our day to day responsibilities. If the needing “space” includes someone moving/staying elsewhere or an indefinite amount of time being separate people, that leads to splitting up. My first love pulled the “I need space” card, he wanted to be a free man while he was living in another state. Needless to say, he came back, the relationship never did.

    Either way, you need to be upfront with him and ask him what he means. You deserve an answer and him to be upfront with you. Is he stressed about something and just needs some “me” time? Or is he wanting to completely be on his own for this “space” he seeks? I hope things get better for you.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    5839 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    CapitolBee:  I’ve had relationships that ‘space’ meant breakup. But with DH, we actually broke-up one time at the 5 month mark. I was unemployed and had all the time in the world AND I was madly in love with him. I was doing my best to not show it, but when you are in love, it’s hard. DH at the time, was weary since he was divorced and got into a crazy relationship right after the divorce. So I was a little intense…

    So he broke up with me, but still wanted to be friends. I said okay, but was going to wait 8 weeks. I would be friends for 8 weeks. If he still wanted to be only friends after that, I was walking away (I read in a great book called “Getting to I Do” that sometimes it takes guy a few weeks to get their head out of their a$$–my words, not the authors).

    But there are a few things you need to do:

    1) change your voice mail message so he cant get a hit off your voice  (you need to make him miss you)

    2) wait 24 hours to respond to any of his call/text. And dont contact him. And when you do talk, make it short (less than 20 mins) and nothing serious–do not talk about the relationship–UGH (And it wasnt an issue for us then, but I would be tempted to either block him from FB (again to make him miss you and have to seek you out) or use FB to show what a wonderful fabulous life you are having without him–take a page from Princess Kate who suddenly was pictured all over town having a blast after her break up with Prince William)

    3) If you do see him, no physical touch. Maybe a hug, but no cuddling or kissing. AND def NO SEX!!!!! But make sure you look smoking hot! He needs to long to be with you again.

    If after 8 weeks, he isn’t begging you to get back together, then it is time to move on.

    So when DH broke up with me, I was devestated. But kept up a brave face around him. I did all of the things above, except one (I’ll explain later). So within a day or so he was emailing me regularly (and I was waiting to respond). Took him a few days, but he was calling me every 2-3 days (down from every day), but I wouldnt answer and would call him back the next day and only talk for a little bit (only long enough to tell him all the awesome things I was doing without him–which I had to force myself to do because I was miserable and heartbroken). He took one weekend off from seeing me immediately after the breakup, then the next weekend he wanted to meet for lunch and see a movie—I think we huged, but no physical touch. (we saw each other every weekend after that, even just to have lunch) This lasted 4 weeks. During the last week, I could tell his resolve was weakening, so I did allow some cuddling while we were watching TV on the couch–but nothing sexual. By the next weekend he was begging me to get back together and couldnt wait to kiss me. 

     

    So, yes, getting back together can happen, not it is not comon. But in my experience, he is showing you in small ways that he is kinda still interested, but torn. If he says he wants a break and doesnt contact you for the whole 10 days, that doesnt bode well. And if he came back all ready to get back together, I would be suspicious that he was interested in another woman, used those 10 days to test the water and it didnt work out, so now he is with you again. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Answered for a friend. He wanted a break, and it lasted a couple weeks before she ended it.

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