POLL: would you ever give a bridesmaid the option to step down?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you give her the option to step down
    Yes I see nothing wrong with it : (24 votes)
    80 %
    No it's rude : (3 votes)
    10 %
    I'd wait a little longer to see how some more things go : (3 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6407 posts
    Bee Keeper

    They always have that option. It doesn’t need to be made explicit.

    You can always tell her gently that you prefer she isn’t a bridesmaid anymore, though. Yes, this will probably cause major issues between you two (and if you do that you absolutely need to pay her for the dress you nagged her to buy). But it might be worth it to you.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2111 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    If she complains as often as you say, next time I’d just say, “Well, if you’re really not enjoying yourself, you’re always welcome to step down.” I know people who complain because they like complaining (FI’s one of them). Once I give the option, he’ll just say he’s being a wah-wah and that he’s really fine with it. Normally he becomes much more pleasant afterwards too. I think it’s fine to give her that option, present it however you wish. If she’s been your friend as long as you say, she should be understanding and open with you.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    It’s not like you can force them… they always have hat option!

    Post # 9
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Italiandoll:  While I don’t excuse everything, I will say that I agree with her on the bridal shower. I think it asking a lot to expect an out-of-town bridesmaid to take out a whole weekend to attend a bridal shower, especially when she’s a single mum. My opinion is you can’t expect out of town people to necessairly attend pre-wedding events.

    She’s being ridiculous about the wedding though. I think you need to tell her: “If you can’t be there for the entire day (which means sleep over since she lives 4 hours away) then you’ll need to step down from being a bridesmaid”. Don’t give her the option. Be there all day, or be a regular guest.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7410 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @Italiandoll:  I don’t get post like these. You admit that she has always had an attitude and complained alot. Why did you think she would suddenly change her personality just because you made her a BM?

    I honestly do not think it is fair to force give her the option to step dowm. Just by mentioning it you are going to be telling her that you would rather not have her in your wedding.

    I would try approaching this from a friendship standpoint rather than a BM/Bride one. Why not take her out for coffee and explain to her that when she does X,Y & Z it makes you feel X,Y,&Z.

    As for showers/bachelorette parties I think that these are optional extras and no BM shoudl be forced to take part. So I would suggest letting these things slide.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Italiandoll:  Oh well, I don’t think is wrong to do it. Just be wise and nice! Like not in a rude way. Maybe:

    “I’ve seen you are busy, I won’t like to stress you out with stuff you can’t do. Why don’t you just attend to the wedding?” 

    Or something O_O

    Post # 14
    Member
    7410 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @Italiandoll:  This is where the old saying of “none cares more about your wedding than you” fits. Even lovely friends don;t care that much about your wedding they are just willing to humour you because they love you. A friend with an attitude is never going to go that far.

    Enjoy the support that you are getting from your MOH and other BM.

    Post # 15
    Member
    863 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Italiandoll: It sounds like your friend has a lot on her plate and your being a little unrealistic in your expectations of what an out-of-town single parent BM will be able to do. I think if you stress to your BM that she can step down it’s going to come across as you giving her the chance to jump before you push her. 

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