Poor FH… need to vent :(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@goingtotherooftopoflove: 

We all make choices. You made the choice to have a child free wedding. They made the choice not to attend.

You get what you wanted- a child free wedding.

It may not be the parenting choice that you or I would make, but it is their parenting choice to make.

Post # 5
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@goingtotherooftopoflove: It is hard when people we want at our weddings decline.

You’re still questioning her parenting. When you have children of your own, you may have more empathy for parents whose decisions are questioned by others.

Post # 7
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@goingtotherooftopoflove:  In your shoes, I would totally make an exception for this one cousin. Having one 1-year-old relative at your adult only wedding isn’t going to set or break the tone of your wedding.

Why not cut the woman a break and just let her bring her kid? I’m also shocked you didn’t bother discussing it with her directly rather than just speculating with your FI and FMIL. If your FI is that close to her, he should call her up, and find out what he can do to accommodate her if it’s that important for him that she attends.

Post # 8
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I had a bridesmaid threaten to only attend my 2-3 day bachelorette if her under 6 mo old child is welcome to also be there (Attendees will be renting a house together and other moms and bridesmaids have graciously made childcare arrangements or aren’t coming). I did my best to tell her I understood if she had to miss it or if it only worked for her to come to a smaller part of it because she might need to be w her baby. She was sobbing for over an hour saying it sounded like I didn’t want her there and like I thought I’d have more fun w/o her. She acted as though she couldn’t understand how a baby at a Bach party could be inappropriate.

Some moms/parents take it very personally, throw fits, or try to punish ppl for having an adults-only event. For my bachelorette party, the planners and other attendees want a child-free time and I don’t want this one person to talk to me about this ever again. It was a horrible conversation that every other attendee thinks goes without saying.

I’d leave it alone with your cousin. At most, maybe see if someone else can reason w them to at least come to the baby friendly brunch. But what they chose for the reception should just be left alone – if a mom doesn’t want to leave her child for even a short period of time, it’s fine as long as others arent punished for her decision. 

Post # 10
Member
3412 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@mojitolady:  You can’t really do that and not let others bring their children. It either is an adults only reception or it isn’t.

Just like a bar or club, you don’t change the rules because one set of parents are peeved.

 

Post # 11
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I disagree, I think you can make an exception for one person. Everyone else just needs to be an adult about it and understand that one person may have needed special accommodation. Not saying that needs to happen here, but it shouldn’t be dismissed. We are having a mostly child free wedding. We have exceptions for nieces/nephews and an exception for one non family special needs child. If anyone dares complain to me or say, well if I make an exception for her, etc. I’ll flip on them. 

It’s not just that she’s special needs, it’s that it’s my wedding. I can make an exception for one child regardless and no one should be complaining that I didn’t for them. 

Post # 12
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Olivepepper:  your response seriously made me chuckle. Comparing a wedding to a bar or a club? It’s not a place of business. It’s a party and the bride and groom get to call the shots! They can do whatever they please and In this instance, it’s a very close relative who doesn’t feel comfortable not being with her child. It’s one exception. The OP did not make it sound like she had a line out the door of close relatives wanting to bring their children to the wedding. Just this one who her FI thinks of like a sister. But if you can seriously tell me you’ve never made an exception in your life, then I bow down to you.

Post # 13
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@goingtotherooftopoflove:  I’m bummed for you, it’s tough when someone close to you can’t (or won’t) attend your wedding. 

 

Post # 15
Member
3412 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@mojitolady:  But the OP has been very clear. They did call the shots, they made it an adult only wedding.

And to quote OPs last comment “We’re not going to make an exception for one person or we’d have to make them for everyone.” ie, she does not want to make an exception.

As an aside though, I am glad I gave you a chuckle. The interwebs is a wonderful place, no?

 

Post # 16
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

My snark detector must be on the fritz because I see none in that RSVP.

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