Post # 1
So Fiance got back from his destination bachelor party last week, 19 guys in tow. All of his Groomsmen (7 total) made the trip, although during their stay Fiance actually found out one of the Groomsmen (let’s call him Paul) forgot he was a GM!
Paul recently got engaged and told Fiance who his Groomsmen were (FI did not make the cut apparently). At one point Paul mentioned, “I tried to ask people who have asked me to be a Groomsmen in their wedding” and Fiance said “But you’re a Groomsmen in MY wedding” and Paul acted like he did not remember being asked.
Long story short, Fiance decided to not rock the boat (he is such a good man, I love him!) and just keep things the way they are. But he’s mad about what happened, especially since he’s not super-close to Paul, he really only asked him to be a Groomsmen b/c he thought his feelings would be hurt if he were left out.
I feel so bad for Fiance, he is such a good person and does not deserve this. Has this happened to anyone else? How have you dealt with it?
Post # 3
O no! So is the Groomsmen still gonna be in the wedding? Or are you guys having to find a another one. Thats horrible, your poor Fiance
Post # 4
I haven’t dealt with this exact issue, but two of my cousins forgot that I asked them to be ushers. They were wondering why they were invited to the rehearsal dinner, and my mom had to tell them. It was pretty upsetting, but mainly because this isn’t the first time they’ve done something like that. (Nor was it the only time they did something like that at the wedding, either.) I didn’t mention anything, but it hasn’t helped our relationship.
Your Fiance is probably correct in not making too big a deal out of it. His friendship with Groomsmen Paul may not be in a good place right now, but kicking him out of the wedding party may just cause more stress than your Fiance needs. You’re right that your Fiance doesn’t deserve this, so it’s good that you’re so supportive of him right now.
Post # 5
Was he drunk or what? How could you not remember being asked something like that? I don’t understand………..
Post # 6
At first Fiance didn’t know what to do, he was in shock and I told him to consider giving Paul an out. That way it would be up to him. But Fiance is so sweet and caring that he wasn’t even comfortable with that option, he is choosing just to not say anything and keep him in.
What Paul doesn’t know is that there are so many other guys who Fiance could have asked in his place, but didn’t as he was trying to do the right thing. Makes me feel a little angry and very protective of my sweet FI!
Post # 7
I’ll take the other side here:
This actually happened to us!
We are having a Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man. That’s it. No groomsmen, ushers, or bridesmaids.
We asked our best friends, a married couple.
They both forgot, until I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor what length tie to buy for her husband. She was like “why does he need a tie?” And then it all came out from there.
I was…irked. I can only understand this because they are our best friends, and that’s the way they are. They have three young children at home, and have always always been there when it counted. They’re just not tuned to the wedding channel all the time like we are, and since they live out of state, it’s not like we see them on a regular basis.
We were able to joke about it and laugh it off, but I wouldn’t have been able to do that with someone who meant less to us than these two do.
Post # 8
If he’s not that close to the groomsman anyway, I’d take it as a blessing that your Fiance won’t be a groomsman in Paul’s wedding. No need to rent a tux or plan a bachelor party or any of the extra expenses that come along with being a groomsman.
That Paul forgot he was a groomsman in your wedding is a little insulting. But I think you’re handling it well by just letting it slide. There’s not much else you can do at this point that doesn’t involve hurt feelings or awkwardness for a least a couple people.
Post # 9
Similar thing happened to my Fiance. A good friend (one who is his witness at our wedding) asked him to be a groomsman when they got engaged about a year ago. We just got their wedding invite in the mail and after looking at the bridal party page, my Fiance wasn’t included! I was totally miffed, but my Fiance didn’t want to rock the boat either. He says it doesn’t matter and now he can sit with me at the wedding. Either way, strange.
Post # 10
This actually sort of happened to my Fiance but the other way around. A couple of our friends are getting married, and I happened to look at the wedding website and notice that Fiance was listed as a Groomsmen with a picture up and everything! I called him over to show him and said “why didn’t you tell me you were a groomsman?” and he said “Because they never told me! I had no idea!”
They FORGOT to tell all their groomsmen that they were in the wedding…ahhh how awful is that?
Post # 11
@toothfairy – wow that’s messed up!! I would be hurt if that happened to us too!
@burgandy – so funny! I think I’d laugh my face off if Fiance and I saw him on a website as a groomsman and he wasn’t ever asked. I mean, I understand the bride and groom are busy (trust me!), but that’s kind of a ridiculous thing to overlook..
@bmore – I totally agree with you, I am very happy that Fiance is not a Groomsmen in Paul’s wedding b/c he obviously doesn’t consider him that good a friend and now we have to spend less $ and do less work!
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception
This happened to my best friend! She and her Fiance are good “couple friends” with one of his groomsmen and his girlfriend, so she called the girlfriend to ask for a photo of the guy to put on their wedding website. She responded, “sure, but why? Is Jason a groomsman in your wedding?? We had no idea!!!!” This was maybe 3 months before the wedding! My friend’s Fiance swears he asked, the groomsman swears he was never asked.