Porn vs. Romance Novels

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If one of my trashy historical romance novels was put on film (with ALL the bits and pieces)…I’d watch it. And probablymost likely…definitely like it. 🙂 It’s not all that dissimilar except for the obvious. We read it, not watch it. I guess that’s really the only difference for me. I don’t really care that my FI watches it once in awhile. That’s his business…!

Post # 4
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Personally, I think they’re pretty much the same. Men are more visually wired, and women are more emotionally wired.

Post # 5
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yes, FI said everything written by the OP lol…i t makes sense though and it’s the truth.

Post # 7
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I believe porn is healthy.  If my man wants to watch it, I don’t care.  Not like they’re going to jump his bones from the screen lol

Post # 8
Member
5374 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I don’t think they are very different. Porn appeals to the triggers of men (visual), and romance novels appeal to the triggers of women (emotional)

I love me some trashy romance novels. So I won’t yell at DH if I caught him looking at naughtygirls.com. 

 

and I’d include 50 Shades of Grey, Twilight, and other popular books/movies in this category too.

Post # 9
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@red_rose:  and @hisgoosiegirl:  Agree with you both.  It’s pretty much the same content, just different methods of delivery.  I guess each type is going for a “target audience.”

Post # 10
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Eh I think they’re pretty much the same. Like somebody else said the only real difference is that you read a smut book vs. watching porn. For me this also depends on the type of smut book. My Aunt reads a lot of the viking smut books which can be pretty raunchy all the time. I tend to stick to things like historical romances set in the Edwardian period. Those books tend to be all story with one (maybe two) sex scenes. I like those because I have to have a higher story to smut ratio. 

My FI refers to them as lady porn all the time. The strange thing is that when he mocks them for being porn he’ll pick up one of them and manage to open it to the only smut scene. When he reads them out loud in a cheesy voice it really plays off like a bad porn…. It’s pretty funny. If you ever have any doubts just try reading the stuff out loud! My friend’s SO is the same way. He always finds that ONE spot in the darn book. 

Post # 11
Member
1283 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I actually skip the naughty scenes in romance novels, but that’s probably because I’ve been reading them since I was 14, so now it’s like, eh.  Repetitive.

I like the actual romance part… 🙂  I am a hopeless romantic.

Post # 12
Member
4018 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I haven’t read 50 shades of gray, but I do know that there are a lot of levels when it comes to “romance” literature. There is definitely stuff that is outright pornography. It’s not a 500 page book with a few scenes that get a bit…descriptive, it’s full on completely porn and the authors wouldn’t dispute that in any way, that’s what it’s meant to be. And it’s offered in similar ways to video porn, not published and sold on shelves at Barnes & Noble, lol.

So while I do think that romance novels fulfill a similar desire in women as some porn does in men, it’s not all created equal. Most romance novels are laughable, repetitive, indulgantly stupid, and to me, the equivalent of a guy’s superhero movie. It gets the heart racing and the estrogen flowing, but it’s obviously silly not exactly shame inducing.

However, when you get into the heavy stuff, not just bodice ripping or quivering members, I believe it can be just as damaging psychologically–maybe more so since it isn’t condemed by anyone. There are websites and support groups and self-help lit to help “overcome porn addiction” but most people don’t even know or care about literary porn. It’s easy to excuse.

Which is probably because there aren’t any “victims”. The author writes it, the audience reads it. That’s it. There aren’t abused children. Or drug addicted men. Or raped women. Or abused animals. Or anything. Even if all of those things are in fact included!

Post # 13
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i feel kind of differently tha most women on this, i absolutely love porn and have no problems watching it, not into the extreme stuff but watching a hot guy who knows what hes doing in bed is fun and ive watched it with most men ive been with, only one guy i dated wasnt into it, i believe us women are just as visual as men but most are too shy to admit it but when i see a gorgeous guy im just as turned on as when a man sees a beautiful woman.

Post # 14
Member
4326 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It is based on the fact that women are emotional and men are visual.

This is not the case for me…. I am very much visual and do enjoy porn. I only enjoy the really passionate ones though. Seeing the couple deeply in love (even though they are probably not) gets me going… I do not get this from reading. I do not read much erotica so I can’t tell you what the difference is other then that one I did read was more “romantically cheesy” then its visual cousin. In reality, I will watch my husband in the shower and thats all I need…

My husband will watch porn when I am out with the girls for the day and whatever. The stuff he watches tends to be more hardcore then what I prefer to watch. He does not expect me to do any of the stuff on those videos, but we do get ideas to try once in awhile. Soft porn in movies that we will watch will get us hot and bothered to the point where we need to stop the movie for awhile.

And yes men are very visual. As I have stated in other posts, I have my “special” yoga pants that I will put on when I want him to jump me. Something so simple and silly, but it does the trick….. ponytails tend to do it as well for him, since I wore a ponytail on our first date.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
7401 posts
Busy Beekeeper

it’s funny, i see a HUGE difference between porn and romance novels and i was surprised no one else mentioned it (unless i read the previous replies too quickly and missed it).

first of all, i do understand what everyone is saying with regards to men are visual and women are emotional or whatever (broad generalizations in my opinion, since many women are visual and i am sure men are emotional – but i get the point).  And so i agree with the way PPs are answering the question from that perspective.

However, the difference i see is that romance novels are fictional words written on paper…..porn is made by using real people.  That is why i am not a fan of porn. Not because i think people are wrong for enjoying watching it, but I am not a fan of the whole concept/industry in general because of the people involved.  I just look at it as i would never want to be a porn star because i would feel disgusted with myself for doing it. And i obviously would never want any hypothetical future daughter of mine to do it either. And i would be worried about anyone i know in real life who decided to go that route…..so to me the significant difference is in how they are created, not in their effect or purpose.

Post # 16
Member
3487 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@red_rose:  Personally, I think they’re pretty much the same. Men are more visually wired, and women are more emotionally wired.

I agree.

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