(Closed) Possible affair with a married man, VENT

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow, crazy. Can you confront her about it and just ask her what’s going on? What she told you certainly implies she is having an affair. It’s sad to know that these things happen, but unfortunately, I think it happens a lot more than we realize 🙁

Post # 4
16216 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’d be fuming, too. Things like that are heartbreaking, especially when it’s your sister who is involved and especially when you’re about to get married and commit your life to someone yourself.

I’d agree that you have the right to talk to her about it because she basically brought it all up to you to start with, acted fishy in your presence, etc. Instead of telling her how awful you think her actions are, tell her how much her actions are hurting you. That way, you’re not accusing her, but rather showing her that her decisions affect far more people than just herself.

Post # 5
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Yikes.  I think another conversation with your sister is definitely in order.  She needs to understand that her actions definitely affect lots of people, including you.  You need to encourage her to stop flirting with him immediately, if that’s what’s going on, and ask her to consider the feelings of the wife and everyone else involved…

I’m sorry you’re put in that position!  That’s hard and awkward…

Post # 6
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would have confronted her just so there would be no doubt in my mind.. I would have asked “are you texting him?”

Post # 7
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh my gosh. This is awkward. Especially because you’re about to get married. 

She needs a good talking-to. I would get some alone time with her and ask what’s really going on. She obviously needs someone to smack some sense into her. 

Ask her ‘How would you feel if (your) Fiance was talking to another woman??’ And hopefully it’ll make sense. If not…she needs someone to talk to her in a professional sense.

Post # 8
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m obviously in the minority here (at least so far) but I think everyone should be left alone and you should just keep calm and carry on.  You have every right to feel digusted and concerned (just like everyone else has the right to feelings), but you allowed this situation to come home with you and got so fired up about it that you got into a fight with your fiance, who was probably completely blindsided by this confrontation.  That’s not exactly fair, you know?

You can’t control your sister, you can’t control this other married guy, you can’t protect his wife, and most of all you don’t really know the whole story and maybe you never will.  The only thing you CAN control is YOU.  The fact that you’re entering into a marriage has nothing to do with other peoples’ respect for the union, you know?  You’re in a loving relationship and want to further your commitment.  Some people don’t, and don’t have ‘respect’ for it.  Just focus on your business and don’t worry about others’… you’ll only drive yourself crazy (and possibly your Fiance too if you accuse him of things he hasn’t even done).

Seriously… some people are awesome human beings, others are horrible, and most are somewhere in the middle.  Shit happens, and no amount of convincing or conversation or pleading even, will change that.  Just focus on your self, your child, your relationship and your fiance.


Post # 9
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wouldn’t let her get away with it, especially if I really suspected she was having an affair. Just point out how strange her behavior is and don’t let her brush you off.

Post # 10
5169 posts
Bee Keeper

OMG, are you going to confront your sister?

Post # 11
22 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

Everything @KristenGettingMarried said. 

Post # 13
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with what @KristenGotMarried: said. I don’t think you should jump to any conclusions and bring undue stress into your life with your Fiance and child. But since this is your sister, I can see where you would be concerned for her well-being, so maybe you should just have an open conversation with her about her relationship with this man.

Post # 15
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@aliasforaday:  Anything you say to your sister will probably go in one ear and out the other, anyway.  People who cheat and people who seek out married partners have a hard time admitting that what they are doing is wrong, and I’m sure your sister will have 1 million sob stories about how the married man’s wife is a b!tch or has let herself go since the baby, etc. how it’s not his fault he’s cheaintg and how only your sister understands him, blah blah blah.  Typically, the other woman (OW) is shooting herself in the foot and the married man rarely leaves his wife and family for the OW – he either cleans up his act upon discovery and stops cheating for good, or he stops for a while, until the wife lets down her guard and does it again with a string of OW.  If your sister has been the OW before, she’s deluding herself and nothing you say or do will change her mind.  Once he ditches her for antoher OW or gets caught, maybe you can speak your mind about how she did it to herself, but otherwise she’s happy enough with the arrangement to let it continue.

Just don’t take out frustrations with her or anyone else on your Fiance – he didn’t do anything wrong.  In fact, go buy him some ice cream or something unexpected tonight to make up for the tiff over the weekend.  🙂

Post # 16
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I’d say something to your sister.  Not in an angry way but just in a is what you’re doing such a great idea kinda way.  Your sister is bound to get screwed over by this situation and she’s screwing someone else over just to get herself screwed over, seems lose-lose-lose for everyone involved. 

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