Possible Divorce, Really Could Use Advice

posted 1 month ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
4059 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

mbrinzo :  After 5 years and your DH not seeing this, it sounds like there’s some major communication issues or he’s recently being manipulated. I don’t have any good advice besides that he’s not prioritizing you with his family… And that’s a problem. If he can’t understand boundaries with friends, that’s a problem too. You two joined lives 5+ years ago, there’s going to be compromise… You didn’t just join his life.

Post # 3
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

Your husband’s first allegiance should be to you. Why has he changed so much? Was he like this when you were dating and first married? You need to discuss boundaries and where his priorities are. His family should not have this much influence in your marriage.  I would have him see a doctor. He may have some physical reasons for his changes. sometimes a split is a good thing. One party sees how much the other one means to them. Good Luck.

Post # 4
Member
7671 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i agree that there are a lot of communication issues.  if you both are willing to work at it, i would suggest a marriage counselor ASAP. 

Post # 6
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Personally, I’d file for a divorce and be done with him. He has nothing to offer but misery and pain. 

Post # 7
Member
4899 posts
Honey bee

mbrinzo :  I would not stay with him.  If he is constantly with his family and not you, what kind of marriage is that?  That sounds like a horrible marriage.  He is choosing his family over you.  He can’t choose his family but he did choose his wife.  That in itself would say something to me.

Post # 8
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

mbrinzo :  This is a tough spot to be in. It seems like you should be the one looking for a separation – your husband is choosing everyone over the sun and everyone else’s feelings over yours and that is not how it’s supposed to be. It sounds to me like he wants things to stay exactly the same as they were when he was single, but he’s part of a unit now. Is he open to trying counseling or talking to anyone? (NOT his family)

Post # 10
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Have you asked if he’d be open to mariage counselling?

Are you both from the same culture? If not could that be affecting how he views friend relationships and how much time should be invested in them?

Post # 13
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

mbrinzo :  Your DH needs to grow up! When you get married, you put your spouse/house hold first. From what you have shared, he sounds like an immature brat.

He wants the same lifestyle he had when he wasn’t married and that is not right. Married couples have friends and family but there are boundaries! It sounds like you two aren’t compatible. 

I never recommend divorce, but you need to decide if you can live like this. Please don’t expect him to change. 

Post # 15
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It does seem like he expected you to be added on to HIS life instead of building a life together. The lack of boundary with friends alone would get me pretty angry. His EX on his accounts?? That’s 100% a deal breaker. It’s like he refuses to compromise, marriage doesn’t work like that. Oh and his family sounds like d-bags, in my family we make every SO feel welcome, we treat them as part of the family. It’s already hard to join a new family and meet new people, why make it harder?

I know it’s painful but I think divorce is for the better based on what you told us.

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