- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
FH is applying for residency and his dream program is in Maine. The training lasts 2.5 years. The problem is I am in Ohio, and due to work issues, if he goes there, we will be doing LDR for a minimum of 9 months, and would be a lot better financially if I do 14 months. I have my dream job (great working environment, awesome people, lots of autonomy, extremely secure, and double the income of anywhere else), but once I leave, I will not be able to get it back (or anything else nearly as good). The job situation in Maine is really bad for me, and FH thinks it is a bad idea for me to give up a job I love with lots of family and friends around to only have 16 more months together, and then when we come back, I have to start from scratch. Unfortunately, most of the positions around here aren’t nearly as good. What I am trying to figure out is how hard this would be. Prior to meeting FH, I had a 2 year LDR, which was a four hour drive away. I found this exceptionally hard. We have been discussing this for the past week, and I already feel myself emotionally withdrawing from him. I am concerned this will get worse if we do a LDR.
Other info that might be helpful: we live 30 minutes from an airport, and the flight is 3 hours, but it is impossible to get a direct flight. Also, the airport in Maine is EXTREMELY expensive to fly into, so I would have to fly into an airport 3 hours away. There is some reasonably priced transportation from the airport. FH would get 4 weeks of vacation. I can have up to 8 weeks of vacation, but it is unpaid, and (long story) it costs me money to take it. While inconvenient, we could afford for me to take all eight weeks. The eight weeks can be distributed any way I want, except no more than 2 weeks at a time.
IS this doable? How would you recommend using vacation to help our relationship the most? Thanks!
ETA: Our options are:
1. he take a position nearby where is training won’t be nearly as good, he will be unhappy, and possibly resent me for missing this opportunity.
2. We do LDR for 9-14 months, then I give up an awesome life (phenomenal job, love my house, all my friends and family are within 20 minutes away) to take a very mediocre job, be unhappy, likely make FH unhappy, and when we come back here, I will almost definitely end up with a very mediocre job.
3. LDR, where I know I will be unhappy and there is a very high likelihood of me emotionally shutting down, which will make us unhappy.
I would most appreciate opinions from people who have done a LDR or been in a similar circumstance. Thanks!