(Closed) Possible problem with MOH – long

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Her mind is going to be on the baby all night, no matter where the baby is. I think having MIL and baby nearby in the hotel is a good plan. I also disagree strongly with your saying “as long as her husband goes to check on the baby and MoH doesn’t.” The baby is always going to be #1 to her. Don’t put her in a position where she has to choose. You won’t win.

Post # 4
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

At least she hasn’t asked if she can bring the kid to the ceremony 🙂

Honestly, I’d leave this up to her. Having baby close by will probably give her piece of mind. I think as long as they’re prepared to cover the hotel costs for granny it shouldn’t be an issue.

Post # 6
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Loathe as I am to criticise someone’s parenting I find it ridiculous that he’s two and she can’t leave him – I suspect she is projecting her anxiety onto him.

But the situation is what it is. It’s not really anyone else’s place to decide she should have a break from her kid and if she wants to step down I think you need to accept that, sorry. Could you have her as a BM and appoint someone else as MOH?

Post # 9
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@mkim:  I’m guessing from the way you worded your post that you yourself are not a mother, so I’ll tell you how I would feel about leaving my child overnight (since I am a mother).  If I was in your MOH position and ended up leaving my child at my MIL’s house overnight an hour and a half away (or even 5 mins away, distance doesn’t matter imo) all I would be thinking about was if my child was okay.  I would probably call once an hour, maybe once every 2 hours while my child was awake just to check in.  If my child had been crying for more than 3 hours in a row, I would leave whatever I was doing, and drive the hour and a half to pick my child up.  Then I would either not attend your wedding, or bring my child back with me (depending on if you’re allowing children at the wedding or not).  I would feel much better having my child in the same hotel with me, because then I don’t have to drive so far if there’s any problem.  I would also have an easier time during the wedding, or any “girl’s night” type activites you had planned because it would be easy for me to check on my child and be there if something was wrong.

I know you’re trying to do something nice for your friend by forcing her to have a babysitter for the night, but if it were me it would cause stress I wouldn’t want to deal with.  I would much prefer my child be closer so that I could help if there was a problem without it interfering with your activities so much.  There is no question that I would go to my child if there was a problem, the only question would be weather or not I could participate in your activities and enjoy myself.  I would be much less likely to be able to participate and enjoy myself if my child was an hour and a half away.

TL;DR: Let her have the kid close by, in the same hotel.  You’re probably causing more stress for her by insisting she do otherwise.  She’s more likely to actually enjoy herself if her child is close enough that she can be there quickly if needed.  Especially considering she’s a stay at home mom who hasn’t left her child overnight more than once.

ETA: I also agree with PP.  Don’t try to insist that her husband takes care of the baby instead of her.  You won’t win that battle.  It will probably just upset her.  If it were me I would decline your invitation if that was my only option.  Mom’s need to be allowed to be mom’s.  I know you don’t understand that fully if you don’t have children, but trust me on this one. 😉

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If her MIL can’t handle the little one alone or if her husband doesn’t step up to take care of the little one, that’s on her to sort out. It’s not your place to put these responsibilities on someone else, even if your intentions are good. Let them handle their childcare needs as they see fit, and accept whatever arragements they make. Otherwise, you’re just asking for drama.

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