- 3 years ago
I’ve been on here a while, removed myself from the waiting list after a particularly difficult discussion which revealed I was way ahead of myself, and SO, and now questioning the whole thing.
Anyone who’s read my posts knows that at times my SO can be a bit of an a** at times, but then can’t we all.
The gist is that I’ve been with him for 2.5 years now. Just before Christmas I got all excited thinking he would pop the question on our trip to Iceland in January. While at the Christmas Markets with friends I (a little tipsy) ended up blurting out these hopes to my friend, who told her SO, who told my SO. Discussion ensued revealing that SO had no such plans, was not making any plans, and certainly wouldn’t be any time in the near future. I was hurt, but it was logical since I was financially in no position to even consider marriage, having just started a new job after being part time for a while and having some debt. The money issues are being dealt with but it’s not something crushing and we live comfortably within our means while I take care of my previous debts.
We discussed that we would get married in the future. I had basically told him that if he had no intention of ever getting married to let me know because I didn’t want to waste my time on a relationship that was going nowhere. He was hurt by this and said he didn’t say never, just not yet. Then later he says (patronising b*****d) “Who’s gonna marry you one day?”!!
He also says to his friends (in the pub in front of me) that he has no plans to get married for a good few years, or anytime soon. Now while I’m ok with timeline discussions, this is really p*****g me off! It is not for him to talk about to his friends like I’m not even there or that my opinion/wants etc don’t even count!!
So now I’m noticing that my attitude to him over the last 6 months has changed dramatically. I’m losing interest in the crap that he comes out with, I don’t want to make plans for a holiday next year, and every little thing he says or does aggravates me. I know that this is all resentment because he clearly doesn’t care about my future hopes and dreams.
I basically feel my relationship is dead. I adopted 2 kittens (even though he only wanted 1, I stood my ground and got 2) one of which was very poorly pretty much from the start and had to be put to sleep on monday. I was heartbroken and still am, yet he actually had the nerve yesterday to yell at me for spending so much on vet bills!! I would point out that I paid from them from the bills account, which we both contribute to 50/50 and I have a right to access in an emergency. It’s not like I went and spent it on shoes!! I can’t believe he would be so heartless!! We had a text argument and then didn’t speak for the rest of the day. When he got home he came over like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t called me a gobshite and stupid, and I just couldn’t speak to him I was so angry. We went to sleep in silence and have barely spoken today. His only message to me today has been, shall we get a barbeque later?? REALLY?????
I’m just so furious, and hurt, and feel like nothing I care about matters to him. I’ve spent all day agonising over how to talk to him and whether we can salvage this.
Please help, any advice is appreciated 🙁