Possibly another failed relationship (long)

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation but I really don’t think this is a relationship that is going anywhere.  You don’t seem to want the same things and he isn’t very respectful towards you.  Your resentment will grow and grow and you are just dragging out the inevitable. My advice would be to call it quits now and not waste time, move on and find someone that can’t wait to marry you!!

Post # 3
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Sounds like a dead end to me. He has made it clear that marriage is not a priority of his and if it is to you it’s time to move on. I’d be embarrassed as hell if my fiance had ever talked like that to his friends right in front of me, he obviously doesn’t care about your feelings. I can’t comment on the vet matter because you didn’t mention how much you spent but I will say if it was a lot of money and y’alls finances are combined you should have talked to him first. I’d be pissed if my fiance went out and spent a chunk of money without talking to me first, we always “check in” with eachother before making a big purchase. 

Post # 4
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Koalaclark:  Ditto this.  Sorry you’re having to deal with this!  Mr. Right will care about your expectations too, not just his own.  You can do and deserve better, and heck yes someone will love you “one day!”  

Post # 5
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

aprilnewbee: agree with PP and I don’t think you’re ready for marriage (which you acknowledged), and certainly not to him. 

Beyond that, it seems like you both might have problems compromising — he wanted one kitten, you wanted two, stood your ground, but then are paying for the kittens out of the shared account?

That would not fly with me or in my relationship. Shared accounts are for joint expenses, those we both agreed on. Granted, every relationship is different, so while he’s being insensitve re: the kitten and its medical needs, you were also insensitive as the kitten might not have been a shared expense, so accessing the joint account is not appropriate in the case. 

It’s probably time for you both to move on.

Post # 6
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

aprilnewbee:  Oh honey,

i am so sorry. This does not sound like a good situation. I am going to be blunt here – you have two kids to think about. He is almost 40 – he should be able to give you a timeline even if it is “in the next 5 years” or whatever. You admitted yourself he is an ass ? I am sure there are good qualities about him, but he sounds pretty arrogant.

I dont think its not that he doesn’t care about your feelings, its just he doesnt see it as a priority and does not understand where you are coming from, nor bothered to try and understand. 

Post # 7
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

bitsybee:  +1. And yeah, we can all be an a** sometimes but it sounds like your SO is an a** and says things to you that most women would not tolerate in a relationship.

Post # 8
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You obviously know how you feel about this relationship, and you already know what you need to do. 

Post # 9
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

End it. He doesn’t seem like he’s going to move forward and kinda seems like an ass. Cut your losses now.

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I dont think bragging about how he has no plans getting married anytime soon are appropriate. i understand why you are upset. And let’s be honest, once someone really wants something and expecta it a bit and there is no real chance of it happening you become bitter. I would be just sad about all of it. In his age he should be able to understand and discuss these things. Maybe tou have different priorities

Post # 11
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

leisha606:  Kids or kittens? I might be missing something…

Post # 12
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

bitsybee:  both! You didn’t miss anything. I just recall some info about 2 children from a previous post about OP upset because he said she “was bullying him into marriage” to her own brother! He has no common sense about women’s feelings, I suspect. 

Post # 13
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

leisha606: Well, if the current situation isn’t making you happy, change the circumstances within your control. 

So strange she left out the kids here and focused on the kittens, but <shrug> what are you going to do?

OP, you gotta get out — if not for yourself, for the kids and the kitten.

Post # 14
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

Ditch the douchebag, plain and simple. 

If this were your daughter, would you advise her to stick around in this relationship and be treated as such? I hightly doubt it. 

Look, I didn’t read your previous posts OP but if he is in his 40s and you are somewhat the same age, then you need to cut and run.  He is NOT going to change.  He is who he is.  People do not change, I’m sorry.  Especially this D-bag.

Am I correct that he told your own brother that you were pressuring him into marriage? Did you brother respond to him in your defense or kinda chum-up with him about it? What I’m getting at is are you used to being treated as less than, worthless or unimportant?  If so, maybe walking away from this would be helpful for you.  Work on you. Leave this guy. 

Post # 15
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t get the barbeque. Its done. Start organizing to leave.

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