Possibly losing friend!

posted 3 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
3948 posts
Honey bee

@Kacey23:  Would you consider this friendship to be over?

Thats really only something only you can decide. I personally could not be friends with someone that is so judgemental.

Post # 4
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wouldn’t consider it over necessarily but I can understand her point. It’s good that she expressed her feelings and maybe it’s just something you shouldn’t talk about anymore with her. 

Post # 5
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

wow. your friend is being a jerk. As she is a Christian all sins are considered equally bad (except thinking yourself equal to god, I think?)–therefore all of her sins are justa s “bad” as you sleeping with your bf.

I’m an atheist myself, but I certainly have plenty of friends who are of all religions, I would never judge someone about that.

Post # 6
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I can understand why she talked to you about this. You have a friendship that does involve your faith. She said what she felt she needed to say and says you are still friends, if you want to continue your friendship then it sounds like she is open to it.

Post # 7
5533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Well if that is her criteria for friendship, she is going to be awful lonely on her high horse.  I do believe as Christians (which considering where this is posted I think you are?) One is supposed to lovingly remind those you consider your brothers and sisters that there are ways they are and aren’t supposed to act because they are set apart as followers of Christ; but it is not to be their judge and is best done by living a positive example,  not by cold calling someone you have known for years and calling them a sinner. 

I don’t think your friendship has to be over but I do think it would require a real conversation between you two about your beliefs and boundaries. I have some friends I have no issues calling them on their crap because I know and pray they will do the same for me. There are others where that is not the relationships we have and it is best to just not discuss things we disagree about. Some things are worth the argument and some things just aren’t worth losing a friend over. You have to decide what those issues are to you. 

Post # 8
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@Kacey23:  I agree that it’s good that she expressed her feelings, but for my personally, I wouldn’t keep up a friendship with her. I understand that people have different beliefs and that’s totally fine, but if she was going to be judgemental about it, and tell me that she couldn’t be around me because of my sin, then I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that. 

Post # 9
1248 posts
Bumble bee

One of my BFF’s is a born again christian, and she has a really good friend who is also a born again christian. When my BFF got engaged, her friend approached her & told her she thought BFF should stop sleeping with her FI til they got married. BFF agreed, and cut off all sexual acts with her FI til they got married. Now, they have a very strained sex life. They arent very connected intimately, and its very odd. I thought that the fact that her friend even approached her on the subject was rude. If she doesnt want to hear about it, thats one thing. But to put yourself in the middle of someone’s relationship is wrong.

If you still care about your friend, I would suggest not bringing up sex in conversation anymore. If you feel shes going to continuously judge you, I wouldnt blame you for distancing yourself from her. No one deserves to be judged by any other person on this earth.

Post # 10
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Kacey23:  I’ve only recently sort-of reconnected with my best friend from high school.  I went away to college and did a bunch of stupid stuff.  She stayed home, went to community college for a couple years, got married, and started having kids.  We had a huge fight the middle of my freshman year because I was drinking and had a boy in my room.  I had bunk beds and had my own room – so the boy was there because he had drunk so much we were waking him up every hour to make sure he was alive (you know how smart you are in college, we recognize alcohol poisoning but we can handle it).

After that blow-out we were cordial but not BFF’s.  I went to her wedding and (my Junior year) and hardly saw her since.  Which is sad, because I was the one there when she met her husband and turned to me and said “I’m going to marry that boy.”  And I went with her to prom where she took him and said “I’m going to let him kiss me tonight.”  But the friendship had run its course.  I made a lot of great friends in college.

As for your friend – she had to say it and she said it.  If it comes up again, deal with it.  I wouldn’t end a friendship over it right away, but maybe your lives are headed in different directions.

Post # 11
11598 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think calling her a jerk for trying to live her morals is pretty rude, first of all.  If she truly believes that what you are doing is sinful, she is trying to do the right thing in her mind by discussing it with you.  From what it sounds like, she has been struggling with this for a while and finally got the courage to express it.

So now, you’re faced with an issue.  Ask if she can put this feeling aside and continue your friendship if you agree to not talk about your sexuality.  Or, decide if you want to end the friendship over this.  I don’t think the friendship is over just because you have a difference of opinion, but I think writing off her beliefs and discounting them after she’s brought them up would be hurtful and disrespectful to your friendship.

Post # 12
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I’d consider it over, yea. Even if you dont talk about the fact that you are having sex, she is still going to know its going on as long as you are with him. 

Post # 13
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Kacey23:  Leaving out non-faith related reasons, since you have a faith-based relationship, I wouldn’t say the relationship is over, but I don’t doubt it will change. I am not sure how much you both would have to talk about regarding sex if you have done this and she, the way it sounds, has not. Did you maybe talk too much about it.

Either way, I don’t know that I would consider the relationship over, but it will certainly change, and I can see it not for the better. If she is going to act uncomofrtable even after you stop talking about, then it isn’t fair for you to be judged so harshly and it isn’t fair to stay in the friendship. Still be friendly and nice, but I think a deep friendship is probably over.

Post # 14
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Kacey23:  I’ve never been in exactly this situation, but I kind of relate. I grew up catholic and then spent a lot of time in a Christian church. I have some really good friends from those days and we keep in touch.

I have learned, as a person who is also ‘living in sin'(<– I REALLY don’t like that phrase to describe what I’m doing at ALL) My religious friends know I live with him but I do not ever ever ever talk details about my relationship. EVER. I mean, I don’t really talk deets with anyone, but these girls for sure.

Here’s how I look at it: I’m NOT living in sin. I live with, and sleep with, the man I will marry and be with forever. I don’t think that’s sinful at all. Other people are free to believe what they will, friends included. If you don’t talk about it, it gives them less room to judge you.

Honestly, from her point of view, if someone was doing something I didn’t believe in and giving me all the details and jut generally sharing about it, I would be uncomfortable too. it’s just not something you want to hear about. Especially as a person who is tryin to remain faithful and celibate until marriage, that would be hard for her to listen too! It pushes ou sometimes, tests your faith, makes ou really wonder and sometimes it is best to choose to just not have such temptation present in your life all the time.

All that being said, I don’t see why you can’t be friends. I think you just need to talk to her, explain your view and that you respect her view and that you should agree to just not broach the topic anymore. She may take time to nt have it at the fore front of her mind when she sees you and she may need some time but if it’s a good friendship worth keeping, then keep it!

Friends can disapprove of each other sometimes and agree to disagree and move on. It happens all the time, you both just have to be able to avoid the topics that are so controversial for you. You can have different lives and views than your friends, and still be the best of friends!

Talk to her! Be honest, communication is good. And then let the topic of your sex life lay forever as fat as she’s concerned (or until you’re married)

Post # 16
1231 posts
Bumble bee

@Kacey23:  I wish your friendship all the best. It was inappropriate for her to be asking if you were having or going to have sex. Now it is bothering her. Just try to keep that topic off the table. 

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