Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 1/2 years, but it has been long distance the entire time because he goes to college 5 hours away. He finally got a job that is 4 hours from where I live and I am not sure how I feel about moving away from my family, mainly my mother. But I would also liked to be engaged for when I do decide to go out there; he doesnt want to get engaged until we live together for a few months because our relationship has always been long distance.
Also, I am still in college (online) and don’t know if I should just stay at home until I finish or just move out there with him when he starts his job. I mean I have a full time here and benefits and I don’t really want to give all that up and move out there with him without being done with college, but at the same time I would like to just move in with him because we have been waiting for this for so long. My mother also feels that it would be in my best interest to stay at home until I am done with college because of the benefits I have at work.
Any advice on this?? It’s causing me extreme anxiety and stress!!
Post # 3
I would wait.
1) It is more benifitcal finiancially to stay where you are at the moment with your job etc. This will help in the future with the wedding etc
2) You are now only 4 hours away from each other. That’s not THAT bad. You can ease into seeing each other more often and it would build up the excitement
In the end though it depends on how long you have left for college? Months? Stay. A year? Stay. 2 years….maybe move?
Post # 4
Have you looked into the job market in the area? I’d make sure you can line up a job (with benefits if that is your concern) first. I wouldn’t worry about the online college, b/c you can do that anywhere.
Does he plan on staying in that area long-term? If you don’t want to move away from your family, I think you have to discuss where you see yourselves in the next few years.
I dunno… other than that, what your SO makes sense. I wouldn’t get engaged without living with the person first- this would be especially true if we had always been in an LDR.
Post # 5
I understand where your FI is coming from. I don’t believe that people need to live together before they get engaged, but I think you should be in the same place so you have that day to day interactions and really test your compatability.
I would job hunt in the new location. If you can have a comparable job, then why not move? As I understand, you can really be anywhere and complete your school online, so you might as well be your significant other.
Post # 6
Follow your heart. Personally, I wouldn’t uproot my life like that without a strong commitment . . . no matter how much I loved him. When my fiance (then boyfriend) was considering taking a new job halfway across the country, of course I was a major deciding factor. We only wanted to do long-distance if we knew there was a specific end point in sight (like 6 months). He accepted the position with the understanding that I would not be moving out there without a ring on my finger. We both knew a proposal would be happening soon before he got the job offer, but this sort of solidified it. He moved out east, a little over 2 months later he proposed, and 7 months after that I moved out here to be with him.
Post # 7
Personally I would feel uncomfortable not being engaged and living together. I had to make sure my FI knew that lol. But that is just me, my family is somewhat conservative. In saying that you should do whatever is within your comfortable zone. If you are getting benefits by staying at home.. I don’t know.. I would really weigh the pros and cons. I am also in college and I am living at home still, I could not imagine moving out. Also I find that you have to be super dedicated to school when taking online classes, and with leaving home.. You will have a lot more on your mind, and remembering if you have something due in one of your classes could slip your mind. I hope I am not sounding mean! But I know everything will work out the way it should! 🙂
Post # 8
@barbz27: I was in a LDR for 2 years. I moved across the country to live with him, because he didn’t want to get engaged until we lived together for some time. At the time I thought this was a good option but I wound up waiting a total of 5 years and he never proposed. It wasn’t about him wanting to figure anything out; he was content, complacent (which *I* allowed by moving in with him) and never followed through talks of marriage or anything. I left him.
Then I got my own place.
I met another guy. We were friends for a couple years, started to date. 6 months into it he wanted me to move in with him so we could “test things out.” I politely said, “So, what you’re asking of me is to upheave my whole life, leave everything I have going for me, so that you can figure out if I’m worth marrying? What exactly are you risking for this to occur?” I put my foot down and said not until I have a ring on my finger. Unless I got a commitment of some kind from him, there was no way I was going to make the same mistake again of giving up everything for a man. He had to initiate the commitment because I was done with making that kind of leap. During the next year and a half later we made the most of our time together and made the effort to see each other, spending enough time at each others’ home and each others’ space to see what that was all about. We are now engaged and very happy and I am about to move in this summer.
So. Don’t you dare upheave your life plans — see them through. Finish college in a way that is most comfortable and least disruptive for *you* first. You have a full time job now with benefits and are trying to finish a college program. Do that. Concentrate on *you*. The more you concentrate on you and respect yourself, the more he will concentrate on you and respect you, too, if it is meant to be.
I understand your frustration in just wanting to be with him, but at the end of moving in with him is a huge question mark. Are you willing to give up all you have going for you to answer his question mark? If you do end up moving, I suggest getting your own place. By doing this, you’d still maintain your independence, date as you would, and not be completely up the creek if things don’t work out. Good luck!
Post # 9
I know the feeling. I’ve been engaged for almost 2 months now and we’ve been dating for 6 years. It’s been mostly long distance because he’s been away at school pretty much the entire time we’ve dated. He was only 3 hours away for grad school but tried to get me to relocate to NJ with him. I didn’t leave my job to move away to uncertainty in another state. I did put feelers out for possible jobs if I were to move to be with him.
Long story short. Before he graduated last May and suggested that we move in together. I was kind of against it because I wanted to be engaged first. But we’ve lived apart for some many years I took a chance. He said exactly what your BF said about living together first before proposing (to make sure we didn’t drive each other crazy). I’d forgotten all about that by the time relocated back to MD (to my city instead of going to his home city 2 hrs away from me). He popped the question 6 months after we moved in together (but was planning for it before he ever moved back home). Before the engagement and after we’ve been living in complete and utter bliss. I say follow your heart. Is your relationship truly worth taking that chance? We both took a chance and we’re soooo happy. Good Luck to you