Post # 1
I’m going to keep this as to the point as possible for simplicitys sake.
Would you quit a job and leave behind your life at home for the love of you life? I am willing to follow this man around the world if i need to, but i am concerned to leave without a proposal. A proposal has been hinted at that it is on the cards- he’s been asking me to look a types of rings i’d like.
He has been offered a job he cannot refuse. I would never ask him to refuse it and he wants me to go with him. The job will include most expenses we would need to get started out there but he would be earning a staggering amount of money in dubai and essentially we could come home and think about getting a house, and have very little money troubles as far as getting our foot on the property ladder is concerned.
FYI, we’ve been together for a year and a half. Known him for four, and his family longer and we currently live together at his family home. I’m 23 and in a full time job but unfortunately I don’t enjoy it.
Any guidance to share? Really lost with what decision I should make 🙁
Post # 2
Mrswebbyhopefully: Honestly it would depend on the country. If it was a place I was thinking about living in, I’d probably just see it as an adventure whether I had a proposal or not. However, if it was a country I was hesitant to go to in the first place, an engagement might not be enough to sway me to move. I believe that women’s rights in Dubai are much, much better than they are in some of the other countries surrounding that area, but I would still look into it.
Post # 3
Honestly, I wouldn’t go without being officially engaged. I mean, FI’s the love of my life, but if it were us, I’d just meet him there once everything was set in stone. I don’t think I’d ever take that kind of step as just a girlfriend.
Post # 4
In general, yes. I moved halfway across the country while my fiance and I were dating, and there had been no engagement or ring discussion at that point.
However, I would check into Dubai’s laws. Even though you’re not a citizen, you’re still expected to follow their rules. I know Dubai is one of the more progressive countries in the area, but women are still heavily restricted. Specifically, I would check into what you need a husband for. For example, will they allow two single people to rent an apartment together?
Post # 5
Mrswebbyhopefully: If it were me, and I loved him, I would be totally up for the adventure and all the possibilities it could bring you both. But. I would not be getting on that flight without a ring on my finger. If he is already talking about rings and a proposal is on it’s way, it sounds like he would be on board with proposing before the big move. Just be frank with him. I would be telling him I would be happy to go with him but only as his fiance.
Also, now I hope I don’t offend anyone but culturally you would probably feel safer and get more respect as an engaged woman. May be worth looking into the culture and how that country treats women, especially women from other countries (like I said, not implying anything or wishing to offend)
Post # 6
I’d treat this as a great adventure and go with him. Regardless of a proposal! Unfortunately, Dubai wouldn’t be my choice of adventure since I’d prefer not to support an economy based on slave labour.
Post # 7
MariContrary: I actually have done quite a bit of research, mainly visiting Ex-Pat forums and friends who have worked in dubai. I’ve tried to be as clued up as possible and this has been on the pipeline for about 6 months.
As far as I can tell, if you are living in a area with other ex-pats unmarried couples living together isnt really something you can get into trouble with- UNLESS you cause suspicion or live around rather conservative muslim neighbours! We would be pretty much living in complex with other ex-pats with there girlfriends staying and in the same situation as I am.
From what I can gather- in an instance where the law out there became involved (Highly unlikely) , I would have to refer to the bf as my husband, even if we are just engaged or just living together.
Obviously, I have alot more researching to do, but i believe you can never be fully prpared… and i might just have to learn as I go, so to speak.
I’m just nervous about leaving my country (uk) without some level of serious comittment from him… and I hate to feel like I might have to ask, I’d rather it all be traditional!
Post # 8
At the risk of sounding ignorant (I’m not), I wouldn’t move to an Islamist country, even a modern one, without securing some guarantees. You should be aware that among the many strict laws that apply to any and all, residents and expats alike, sex outside of marriage and any PDA are punishable by jail. Dubai, although modern, has raised a significant amount of attention over it’s handling of rape cases as “sex outside of marriage”, thereby punishing the woman.
For me, it’s a catch 22. If married, a woman gives up a certain amount of rights, as custom is to defer to the husband. But unwed and in a Western relationship, you run the risk of breaching custom and law.
If you go and aren’t wed, make sure you have a significant safety net, should anything happen. Cohabitating, even sharing a hotel room, while unwed avails you up to scrutiny. Secure your own living arrangements and make sure you can easily leave the country, should your relationship go awry or you no longer feel safe in the country. Familiarize yourself with the laws first and foremost and then use best judgement.
Post # 9
Honestly, I don’t think I could move to Dubai with someone I’d only been dating a year and a half, ring or no ring. The cultural differences are huge and the weather is blazing hot. Since it’s meant to last just for a couple years, I’d stick it out at home, and let him go to Dubai without me. You might not have as much luck getting a work visa as your boyfriend did, and while Dubai is one of the most westernized countries in the Middle East, the list of activities with which an unmarried, not-working expat woman can entertain herself are quite small.
Post # 10
Mrswebbyhopefully: Also, just calling yourself Mrs., should there be any law intervention, in some cases is not enough. There have been many instances of which I’ve read that couples under scrutiny have been asked to produce legal marriage certificates. A married friend of mine who traveled with her husband was wise enough to bring with her their marriage license, just in case. She never needed to use it, thankfully.
Post # 11
Horseradish: The company my boyfriend has been employed by has offered me a small position somewhere in HR. Similar role to what I am currently doing however not earning a massive amount of money or anything to write home about- But enough that I could afford my own rent in an appartment on my own if thats what they could offer me as part of the job spec. The man who owns the company is my boyfriends best friend’s father- we would both be well looked after. I dont want to discolose the name for security reasons however it’s very sucessful and globally recognised. They would sponsor both our working visas and make sure we get them. It could be good for us both- experience wise.
Entertaining myself wouldnt been hard if i choose not to work. The place I’d be staying is full of ‘girlfriends & wives’ as they are affectionatly called. I’m not a big drinker, or a big partier and i dress concervatively anyway so that wouldnt be a major issue that could impact my social life. I dont really know why im hesistating. I’m just down right scared of the unknown.
Post # 12
How long would this job last?
Post # 13
Westwood: Anything from three years or more- we wont be tied into any contract where we had to stay if we didnt like it. My boyfriend’s family run a buisness- he could try this and still come back to finanacially secure job back in the uk.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Mrswebbyhopefully: if you think this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you’re fairly sure he feels the same way – AND you think you can get a job that will advance your career AND you think you could be happy in Dubai – then yes! I wouldn’t put my life on hold for a proposal.
Post # 15
Dubai would be a no go for me, engaged, married, whatever. But that’s a personal choice.
OP, it sounds as if you have pretty well made up your mind to do this & are doing your homework. I wish you well on your adventure!