Post # 1
So my Fiance got home from his bachelor party last night. Before they left one of the groomsmen came to me and said “we really love you and don’t want to be disrespectful, so can there be strippers and what are the rules?” So I said yes (thinking they meant going to a strip club) and told him some pretty liberal ground rules (no kissing, no touching below the waist) and thought that my Fiance, who isn’t into strippers and told his guys as much, would get some lap dances and everything would be fine.
Well, the girls came to the beach house for a private show and let’s just say that rules were broken. I’m so hurt and disappointed. I wouldn’t define it as cheating, but it just feels dirty and disrespectful.
I’m glad we have two months until the wedding to get over it. Honestly, I am so angry at his groomsmen (more than at my groom at this point) and so disappointed in them. After this weekend I have a really hard time thinking about these guys standing next to us when we get married.
Post # 3
I think it’s fair for you to be upset with the groomsmen because they broke your rules but your Fiance broke your rules too. He could have said no to whatever shadyness is going on but he didn’t. Maybe he was wasted drunk or whatever but if you all set rules beforehand then I don’t think you can put it on the GMs. Grooms don’t get an “out” for shady behavior because it’s their bachelor party and someone else planned/organized it. If I was in your situation, I’d be more mad at my Fiance than his GMs. The groom’s behavior is not the GMs’ responsibility. Yes they broke your rules and put him in the situation, but whatever he did he did and nobody made him do it.
Post # 4
I’m really sorry you’re uspet with this. I hope it blows over soon…have you talked to your Fiance about it?
I would be pretty upset about rules being broken since you gave them rules (albeit general ones, but honestly, no kissing/below waist touching is pretty specific to me!). Did you talk to your Fiance about these rules or just his groomsmen before the bachelor party?
And I think they knew there’d be strippers at the house…otherwise the groomsmen would have said “strip club”. =
Post # 5
@kittyachi – I get what you are saying but after staying up until 3am fighting with my groom, he and I are ok. But the rules were established with the groomsmen, not my groom. They asked for rules and then did what they wanted. I just feel like for all their talk they don’t respect me and this relationship and have a hard time thinking about them standing there as I take my vows.
Post # 6
I don’t think you can be mad that they had strippers at the house because you “assumed” that they meant strip club and they didn’t.
I also agree with EJS and Kittyachi. Did you talk to your Fiance about this, or just his GM? When there’s drinking involved and everything gets crazy, it’s kind of hard to expect the GMs to be responsible for your Fiance.
Post # 7
Which rules did he break? If my Fiance kisses anyone else, he is cheating. Same goes for someone touching him below the waist. Sorry, I guess that’s just me though!
You definitely have a right to be upset, but you need to direct some of that at your Fiance. He isn’t a child, nobody made him do anything he didn’t want to.
Post # 8
I don’t really put the blame on the groomsmen here…
I would assume you and your fiance have some pretty clear ground rules established about what he can/cannot do with other women, stripper or not. It’s his responsbility to stick to them bachelor party or not.
Post # 9
I would be upset too! I’m not sure why the Groomsmen asked about rules and what not if he wasn’t going to follow through with your wishes. I think you do have a right to bad at him, but I think more blame should go to your Fiance.
I think your “rules” were pretty reasonable in my opinion. I am really sorry this happened to you:(
Post # 10
I understand that you gave the rules to the groomsmen, but don’t you and your Fiance have rules too? I know that my husband is not allowed to kiss another woman, nor is another woman allowed to touch him below the waist, same goes for me. Those are ground rules of our relationship and they didn’t need to be discussed before his bachelor party, because those rules are always in effect, there aren’t any exceptions. So, if your Fiance broke the rules then he should be in trouble.
Since the groomsmen broke the rules too, I would be sure to let them know you aren’t too pleased with them. But, you can’t blame them for your FI’s actions. And it sucks that you assumed strip club, when they meant strippers in the house, but unfortunately since you didn’t clarify, there isn’t anything you can do about it now.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. *HUGS*
Post # 11
I’d be pissed but moreso at your Fiance than the groomsmen. He’s the one who is supposed to be accountable to you. What rules did he break? I agree with Lindsay, if my Fiance had stripped kissing him or touching him below the waist I’d consider it cheating and be done with it.
Post # 12
Well, this is a tough one. If I were in your situation I would be preety upset, too. I mean at least the groomsmen asked you but then they broke rules so I would be angry at them. But who I would be most upset at is my Fiance. Because ultimately he could have not taken part in the activities. Even if he didn’t know the “rules” I think he should have known better. My Fiance, for exapmle, knows that I would definately be upset if it went too far with a stripper; said or unsaid he knows better.Especially if I am marrying him he better know me by now.
With that said, I would not blame the groomsmen, I would be angry at them, but ultimately your Fiance did the deed.
Post # 13
I think you are entitled to your feelings, and that you shouldn’t just try to swallow them. Part of the problem is that it is easier to have it out with your Fiance than it is to do so with the groomsman. The feeling of not being able to hold him accountable would be troubling.
So I think you should have a face to face with him and let him know how displeased you are. That way, if he is receptive and apologizes, you may come to forgive him as you have the Fiance. If he isn’t and is instead rude or combative, then you have stronger grounds to ask him not to stand up for your Fiance.
Post # 14
If things are fine with the groom, stew a little and try to get over it. You can’t beat a dead horse.
I assumed that rule were made with the groom AND groomsmen but maybe that isn’t the case. If you made them only with the groomsmen, honestly, I wouldn’t trust any of my husband’s friends necessarily. They just aren’t THAT responsible! I’m guessing they probably had good intentions and those intentions just went out the window and they forgot and/or didn’t care in the midst of their drinking. After all, if your Fiance participated, chances are they thought it was ok at that point.
Who knows, maybe they thought you had a discussion with your Fiance beforehand?
But in reality, it’s not their faults. They aren’t in charge of your Fi…he’s in charge of himself. If he truly felt like he was breaking “rules”, he would have not participated, so I think that’s the discussion that needs to be had (unless it already did).
Post # 15
I would be upset too, but rationally, the Groomsmen are presumably his best friends, not yours. It was nice of them to ask for rules, but really, they don’t owe you anything, especially when drunk at a bachelor party. Clearly the whole strip club vs. hired strippers thing was a misunderstanding which you can’t blame anyone for… and as for the rest – guys lose control when drunk.
Btw, when you say the rules were between you and the Groomsmen – did you and Fiance not set rules too? I would honestly not trust my FI’s friends to follow rules about strippers at a bachelor party, as much as I love them all.
Post # 16
Oh, and I totally agree with Lindsay 12.31, kissing and touching below the belt are cheating to me. Don’t care if it was a stripper and she was paid to do it. BUT i also understand that not everyone feels this way. Just my opinion