"Post-Bridal Shower"?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i think that when you have a last minute wedding, be it an elopement or just running to the courthouse, you sort of forfeit the privilege of having a bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. i think it’s like saying, “you weren’t important enough to come to the wedding, but buy me a present anyway.” if they wanted to have a party to celebrate their marriage that would be fine, but a post-wedding shower seems inappropriate.

Post # 3
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

hike_katahdin87:  Whether it is appropriate or not seems like a moot point at this time – she is going to have one no matter what anyone else thinks. I personally think that it is in bad taste to have a bridal shower after. Perhaps if they were moving in together they should have had a housewarming instead … I don’t think that has any bearing on your own. I would just send a congratulatory card and not pay anymore attention to it. I think that your issue may be more that your father wants you to elope and they (I am assuming your father and step-mother) have decided to throw a bridal shower for your step-sister.

Post # 4
Member
3547 posts
Sugar bee

Eh, my husband and I got married through the courthouse, but are throwing our own reception for everyone and paying for their meal and good time and we don’t expect gifts…we have received a few, but still.  We don’t expect it.  Having a bridal shower does sound gift grabby.  One of our friends had an engagement pary, a bachelorette party and a bridal shower and got gifts at all three.  But that’s how her family is and I don’t begrudge them.  they were just starting out.  My husband and I don’t need the gifts.  So I see it both ways.  Do you need the gifts?  What about having a bridal shower with the expectation of no gifts?

Post # 5
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

To be honest, I find bridal showers gift grabby in general (wedding or not)!  I realize there are many reasons for throwing a shower, but as someone who has attended 10 weddings in the last year, it really is quite taxing on the bank account after a while.

Anyway, I agree that this seems a little bit much but as someone said earlier, unfortunately it is kind of a moot point now. Some people are just rude.

Post # 6
Member
3349 posts
Sugar bee

mrs.joiner:  But the point of a bridal shower (or any “shower”) is to get gifts- thats how it got its name. They shower you with gifts. So you can’t have a bridal shower with the expectation of no gifts because then its just….a party. Which is fine! But its not a bridal shower.

Honestly, I feel like if you elope like your step sister did, you kind of have to accept that you won’t get all the trappings of a traditional wedding.

Post # 7
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

hike_katahdin87:  I’d think that’s weird if one of my friends did it, and I would be upset too if my parents chipped in after publicly announcing several times they would not help financially. I think you’re completely justified in feeling hurt and suspecious of their intentions with a shower, and also agree there’s nothing you can do about it.

Agree with PPs, no weddings- no showers. It’s weird. If they were having a reception afterwards I can see gifts being acceptable, but it does not seem like that’s what it is happening.

Post # 8
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

lilchicana: +1

hike_katahdin87:  I too think that if you elect to have a quick, intimate wedding, you forefeit those things that come only with time and planning like showers. Too bad, so sad.

Post # 11
Member
2882 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

hike_katahdin87:  I think it depends on the family, which is really nothing that we can determine.  But I would put it down to this; If you don’t go, would it cause a problem in your family?  Would you care if your step-mom and step-sister were angry at you for a very long period of time, and possibly your father as well? 

We had our shower cancled due to the hostess’s MIL passing away.  They offered to throw us a party after the wedding and I said no thank you.  It’s very nice, but we had our lovely wedding.  Having a shower after the wedding felt so awkward. 

Post # 12
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i don’t think you’re obligated to go if you’re not really that close to her. you could say you have a prior commitment to get out of going or make an appearance if it will appease your dad & stepmom and make up an excuse to leave early.

Post # 13
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Usually when in the correct order, shower then wedding, the list of guests are ladies close to the bride who are also invited to the wedding.

As none of these guests were invited to the wedding, and this is in after post-wedding, it is very odd.

As it’s your step-sister it may be hard to decline. But if you’re not comfortable with the gift grabbyness, why not get her something sentimental to honor their wedding instead of some registry item?

Post # 14
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

hike_katahdin87:  If you don’t want to go, and you aren’t that close, just decline and say you have plans already.

Post # 15
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think it’s gift grabby unless she’s planning it herself. People have baby showers after a baby is born, so I don’t see the big deal having one after a wedding. If it bugs you, don’t go.

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