Post-Christmas Blowout

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That is a LOT of crazy, all on one train! Sorry you’re dealing with all that!

Post # 4
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@temporarilysecret:  so much crazy, usually I’m not on the elope boat, but I say save your relationship and make a statement that this is truely about YOUR relationship!!

I mean, inviting you f-grandma’s siblings– ALL of them– that’s a bit much. I also think that you should be more vocal and straightforward; telling them “I asked for the list months ago, the guest list is set, I’m sorry but no more guests can attend” and just leave it at that. I know it’s hard for a lot of people to be so straightforward because you fear it comes off as rude, but otherwise some people will just walk all over you. Which it seems she’s doing.

 

Your FI needs to address this. He needs to first tell his mom that he’s not meeting with her so she can talk badly of you, and if she has any concerns she can confront the both of you together. 

 

From the manner in which everyone speaks to one another as adults, the family seems very dysfunctional. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Your FMIL sounds very much like mine: insisting that he is going to abandon his parents, complaining no one appreciates her, forcing things on him that he doesn’t want, making up reasons why I’m not good for him, etc.  It is so frustrating – I do not understand why some mothers can’t let their children grow up and be happy.

Your FI needs to have a firm talk with her, preferably one-on-one.  He should explain that she cannot try to make him feel guilty about anything that has to do with you and that she cannot try to turn you into someone you’re not. He needs to make it clear how happy you make him and that by not support the relationship or accepting you, she’s hurting him.

As for wedding stuff, my solution has been to stop telling them anything about it.  I tried to include them at first, but they tried to take over and then insulted me when we didn’t go with what they wanted, so now they just know the date, time, and place.  They will show up, and that’s about it.

Post # 6
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@temporarilysecret:  

Forget about the wedding for now.

Focus on moving 3,000 miles away from these nut cases. Then plan the wedding.

And going forward into the future, make sure you stay on the opposite side of the country from them at all times.

Post # 7
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@BelliniChic:  LOL

I am sorry you are going through this.  I had to deal with a crazy SIL during my wedding planning but was able to cut her off during that time.  It doesn’t sound like you will be able to do that unless your FI really puts his foot down.  Since your parents are paying for the wedding I would only discuss wedding planning with them.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

@temporarilysecret:  omg i am SO sorry! His mom sounds like the root of all these problems. Unfortunately I dont think eloping is the answer, his mom will never get over it and bring it up every. single. time.

If you want to get eloped, go ahead! But don’t do it to ease the drama because it wont. Ugh i have no advice, but i have a big fat virtual hug. I dont know how you or your FI deal with it!

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