Post elopement brunch?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @iloverocks:  Your idea of a Brunch sounds lovely.  Are you thinking to make it just a regular get together… or do you want to focus on the fact that you’ve recently gotten married (a Celebration for Family & Friends) ?  The wording would be different based on what you have in mind.

How you choose to do the RSVP will depend a lot on what type of event you envision.

Give us some more details on what you see, and it will give us some more to work with.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 5
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You could invite people to a brunch to celebrate your marriage. Sounds like a lovely idea.

I would avoid doing an announcement on social media since it can get out of hand (unless you both have accounts that are limited to only people you really want to invite)

Post # 7
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To @iloverocks:  If it is an informal get together post marriage with friends for Brunch… then “technically” it isn’t proper etiquette for the B&G to Host an event in their own Honour… (altho in modern society it is done more and more… ) the traditional way around this is to find someone else to host (such is WHY the Groom’s Parents typically Host a Rehearsal Dinner and not the couple).

So you could go that route… find someone else to send out the Invites (even tho you’d be discreetly paying for the event).

OR you could not mention the Wedding / Marriage at all in the Invitations that you send out (“Join us Sunday ~ November 10th for Brunch, 11 o’clock at ___ ” )

Now if your Inlaws are having an event for you guys, they of course could call it a Celebration, Reception, whatever they choose.

— — —

If you do decide to “take the risk” (knowing that every social risk could have a consequence) and break the rule of etiquette, going the more “modern” route and hosting your own Celebration in N. Cali, then the wording could be something like this:

We Eloped !

And it is time to celebrate with our Family & Friends

Join us on Sunday ~ November 10th

11 o’clock for a Brunch Reception at

___

OR… If you don’t want to mention the Elopement at all… (more polite)

Leave out the We Eloped ! line and change the following one

11 o’clock for a Brunch at

___

And the RSVPs could in either case be casual… by phone, email, etc.

Now realize the “risk & the consequences” to throwing your own Reception are usually as follows:

1- People may think it presumptuous on your part to throw your own Celebration (even if it is a nice thing to do … getting together with friends & family after Eloping)

2- You may want to make sure there is no pressure for anyone to bring a gift, so you’ll be wanting to add the words “No Gifts Please”… but there in means you’ll be breaking another rule of etiquette, by mentioning Gifts at all, you’ll make others feel possibly guilty, and bring one, or guilty for not.  Either way, it is seen as a “gift greedy” move.  So IMO go with the just one broken rule… leave out any mention of gifts.  Greet your Guests at the door and if anyone should bring one thank them, then put it aside discreetly.

3- As it is an After An Elopement Party, you do have a bit more latitude tho… so feel free to do any of the Wedding stuff you want.  Altho for a Daytime / Morning Brunch you may not want to wear your Wedding Dress… but Cake, Champagne Toasts, Speaches… any of that could certainly be on the agenda.

Personally, as the Brunch is at your home, and even if your friends knew or didn’t know you were going to Elope, I would go the “not mention” it route.  And let the cards fall as they may.  (the exception would be if you have some cute invites printed that featured a photo of the two of you from your Wedding or Honeymoon… and then ya, I’d definitely use the We Eloped ! concept)

If it was an event so large as to be held at a venue… even if folks knew about the Elopement ahead of time, I’d be more prone to “break the rule of Etiquette” and call it a Celebration of Marriage OR a Back Home Reception Party (this is what Mr TTR & I did).

Lol, did I mention all this rule breaking gets a bit complicated / tricky (which is exactly WHY the rules exist / work)

Hope this helps (some),

PS… CONGRATULATIONS on your recent Elopement / Wedding.  Mr TTR & I did the same over the Christmas Holidays, and it was awesome for us Older Encores.  So glad we went this route vs another BIG White Pouffy Family Wedding… wonderful memories.

 

Post # 8
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

@iloverocks:  Formal invitations have a set format and are worded in the third person. Brunches, however, are informal and a proper informal invitation is worded naturally as in any social note. You can send an informal social note on whatever stationery you normally use for social notes: engraved fold-over informal cards, pretty note-cards from Chapters or Hallmark, A5 printer sheets borrowed from the infeed tray of your printer, email, or facebook message. The wording runs along the lines of:

Dear Mary and John,
Bob and I are back from our elopement as of last Friday, and we would love for you to join us for brunch on Sunday November 17 at 10 a.m.  Please let me know whether you can come.
love,
Rox

If you use email or e-vite they will reply by email or evite-autoreply. If you use snail-mail then Mrs ThisTimeRound, Ms Weddingmaven and I will reply on our own fold-over note cards along the lines of

“Dear Rox,
What fun! I will be delighted to join you for brunch on the 10th.
Love,
Auntie Aspasia”

and all of your more normal friends will dig around for your phone number or email address because they have forgotten how to buy stamps and don’t own envelopes. You can make their lives easier by writing your phone number and/or email address in under your signature.

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