(Closed) Post Engagement Anxiety/Blues

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

You need a hobby besides the wedding. I think that it’s normal to be a bit anxious and have some doubts… after all, getting married IS a huge decision. Wedding planning is stressful. You don’t live together so one or both or you will be thinking of moving, right? Lots is going on.

You need to find a way to channel some of that stress. Sounds obvious, but can you exercise? Get a hobby? Just do anything you can to stop overanalyzing everything. I am an anxious person who overanalyzes… I even talked to a counsellor about it. Their best advice was to distract myself and start becoming more aware of my thoughts. You can control your thoughts… it takes time, but when you find your mind running away you need to tell yourself to stop it.

Your FI loves you. He wouldn’t have asked you to marry him unless he was sure. I think most of us go through bouts of insecurity. I think subconsciously you’re picking up on his bad habits because you know you’ll have to live with them. Just try to relax. Put things into perspective. If he’s having 4 drinks at a party when you’re there, what’s the harm? Guys normally can drink a lot more than us girls can without it affecting them the same way etc.

It’ll be ok. Distract yourself!

Post # 4
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Your fiance sounds like he cares a great deal about you and I wonder if somehow you’re not self sabotaging a little bit. You talked about him being the only person you’ve ever loved and because of that and feeling vulnerable you might be scared of this new level of your relationship and type of committment. Also wedding planning is anxiety provoking too so do some activities that you like. If you still really feel like this maybe talk to your fiance or a counselor. 

Post # 6
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

i think this is the previous commitment-phobia rearing its head! like this “I think a part of me can’t believe that I found the guy I always wanted and just  keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. ” you are just having trouble believing that everything is really ok. i don’t blame you, i think it’s really normal!!

Post # 8
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Be kind to yourself! This a time of major change, and I think what you’re feeling is normal!

I’ve heard that people have found the book “A Conscious Bride” and the associated website, http://conscious-transitions.com/ helpful.

I’ve found apracticalwedding.com very helpful, they have a lot of posts about engagement, anxiety, and how however you’re feeling, it’s okay.

 

Post # 9
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ID80:  I had similar feelings as well after the engagement.  We went immediately into wedding planning to plan a wedding 6 mos. after our engagement.  I was overwhelmed and all these doubts and wedding nightmares creeped up. I was afraid the DH would change his mind or that he will see what a bridezilla I am and etc.   In the end, I could not be happier to be married to my DH. 

We all deserve a happy ending and so do you!  Good luck! 

Post # 11
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that’s perfectly normal. Now that you’re on the verge of getting married, you’re extra sensitive to whether you’re making the right decision and are a lot more critical of your fiancé. It’s normal to be hesitant, no matter how amazing your fiancé is because it’s a huge change. Keep yourself busy and unless there are serious red flags or issues, try to cut him some slack and distract yourself. Reassure yourself that he does love you. 🙂 He sounds like a great guy!

Post # 12
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@cafrinB:  I second conscious-transitions.com – it’s a wonderful supportive place!

@ID80:  Hugs, you’re going to be ok! This is very normal. You are not a freak! Check out the website and take a look at the E-Course that’s offered, I’ve done it (am going back and starting it again to refresh my memory as the wedding is getting closer) and it was super helpful. There’s also a pre-marital E-Course that you and your fiance can do together. Feel free to PM me if you want any more info 🙂

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