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BTW, I'm not saying that in all circumstances I want to keep family get togethers at our home separate. And if I have a bbq with my side, I'd set up one for his side too. I'm just dreading the comments. Always so many comments lol
I think I'd have your side over first to try everything out. They sound a little more relaxed and you can try out all your new stuff on them. Don't feel you must invite both sides to everything. That will probably come when the babies come and you have birthdays to celebrate!
I definitely don't think you need to invite both sides EVERY time. OMG that would drive me crazy! Sometimes, yes, it might be nice especially if for example it is your or your DH's birthday. But if you host a dinner for your sister's birthday, why would you invite your in laws? If your MIL is going to comment, just don't tell her you are hosting a get-together for people who aren't her. MILs don't have to know everything :)
I'd say that you can keep them separated. After my older sister got married, she didn't really invite everyone over at the same time. I don't really plan on doing that with my family, although my dad and younger sister have come to a couple of my FI's family functions, but mostly on like Easter because it's been weird for them since my parents separated.
I am not a big fan of mixing our families either, we also have two very different families just the opposite of yours. We usually do seperate things with our families. Our families have as of yet, have not met, they will meet for the first time at our wedding. So freaking out about this. We are both fine with keeping our families seperate.
If it were me, I'd keep the get togethers separate. I know I will in my family get togethers with the hubs. Just because you guys get married, doesn't mean the families marry eachother. Does that make sense? Hopefully your MIL will understand that there is no need to always combine family events. Sometimes, you're just going to want your family over and sometimes he'll just want his over and that's 100% ok. Honestly, if I had both mine and DH's family over for every get together, I'd never want to have a get together ever again! lol
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I don't know if others are with me on this, but it definitely feels a little weird for our family members to start looking to us to host family get togethers. After forever of them being at our parents' homes, aunts and uncles or grandparents, it seems weird to be the one hosting for once! We just bought our house and have been fixing it up quite a bit - this week we're finishing the mini-kitchen remodeling and putting in our patio. We just bought a grill and patio furniture with some wedding money so of course my family was already insisting that I have a family bbq. Which I am totally fine with, except am I supposed to invite my husband's side of the family too?
Here's the thing.. my family and his family are very different. My family is loud, southern, and aren't afraid to joke around and just be weird. His family is proper, not loud, very much not southern, and his mom is pretty snooty. My family enters what we call "pretend mode" while they are around his family - everyone knows to be on their very best behavior lol So I don't really want to invite his side because I just want my side to feel free to be themselves and not worry about it. But I know as soon as my MIL hears that we were having a family get together and didn't invite them then she is going to be a butt about it. Even if we were to invite his side over a different time, she would still probably feel the need to drop some comments about it - she doesn't like it when things don't seem to revolve around their family (holidays have never been easy to figure out equal timing).
So... any suggestions? Should I just do what I want or is it going to be like a married rule that if you invite one side, the other should be invited as well?