(Closed) Post wedding… are you still close with all of bm or gm? or even guests?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ttn133: DH doesn’t even talk to one of his groomsmen anymore and we got married 4 months ago. I think he would have actually stopped talking to him prior to the wedding, but he asked him way ahead of time and got stuck with him.

My sister asked one of her friends to be her MOH, instead of me because our SIL asked my sister to be her MOH the year prior and my sister felt like picking me over her would offend our SIL. My brother and I don’t speak at all and she didn’t want to cause friction.

She talks about how she regrets that all of the time. I ended up doing all of the MOH duties anyway so she asked me sign her marriage certificate as the witness instead of the MOH at the last minute, which was truly an honor.

Post # 4
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I still love all of my bridesmaids but yes, I have regrets. If I did it over again I would have fewer bm’s.

Post # 5
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Two of my bridesmaids – 2 of my best friends from high school – I am not that close with anymore. Im not really sure why either. Its not that no effort has been made on my part but no effort has been made on theirs. Ive asked them if there is something wrong but theyve said they are just busy. In the 7 months since our wedding I have only hung out with these two girls twice. One of them lives 45 minutes away and one of them lives 15-20 minutes away so its not like distance is a factor. It sucks but honestly its not a big deal. Ive actually gotten closer to other people since getting married.

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I thought about this before picking my wedding party after looking at my mom’s wedding pictures, and knowing that she hasn’t talked to her wedding party in decades. My bridesmaids were my sil and sister, and groomsmen were my brother and my husband’s brother. We’re family, so hopefully we’ll always be close!

I do have an issue with some guests though. We had a 30 person ceremony, so we could only invite our closest friends. I had three friends come, and even before our wedding I wished I hadn’t invited two of them. We’re still friends, we still talk, but we just aren’t close anymore.

Post # 7
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Both DH and I are still close to all 12 members of our wedding party (only 3 of which are siblings).  We may not get to see them very often since every one of them is a plane flight away from us, but we are all still quite close.

The large majority of our guests were our extended family so obviously we are still close to them.  Luckily, my family doesn’t have much crazy drama either.

I also don’t really have regrets about the friends we invited.  Again, most live a plane flight away so we don’t see them often but there are only a few individuals that, if I had to do it over, I wouldn’t invite and I can’t think of anyone I wish I’d invited that I didn’t.

I’d say for a 135 person wedding, that’s not too bad!

Post # 8
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

I have regrets, absolutely.  I chose a specific person because I worried about hurting her feelings – and have basically no relationship with her post wedding, despite the fact that we see each other often.  During the time between asking her and then getting married, I saw a side of her I didn’t care for and can’t get past (a snotty, backstabby, bitchy, gossipy attitude that makes me not trust her as far as I can throw her.)

I actually have more tension with family now than before.  Both of my older brothers have acted differently towards me since I got married because of a handful of things that happened leading up to and at the actual wedding.  It’s unfortunate, but I’m mostly trying to get to a place where I don’t dwell on those negative feelings.

The day of our wedding was beautiful and I was the happiest bride in the world – so luckily none of this overshadowed any of the important things! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My MOH and BMs were completely amazing up to, on, and after the day. I do not regret my choice in any way, shape or form.

That said, I’m just about the only bride any of my friends know where this is the case. For about 99% of the weddings my friends have been in, they say none of the attendants have remained friends with each other, let alone with the bride and groom. Oh, and in one of them, the best man got sh*tfaced and tried to punch the bride.

As far as guests go, I could have done without a couple of relatives my parents insisted I invite, and FI could have done without some of the people from his dad’s side of the family being there, but they were all extremely polite and friendly to us, and apart from my 99 year old great-aunt accidentally setting the bread basket on fire at her table, and FI’s uncle clinking his wine glass every. two. minutes., I really can’t complain.

Post # 10
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was really set on having only family members stand up for us because I didn’t want to look back at our wedding pictures and see people we don’t talk to anymore. I had my brothers and sister-in-law stand up for me.

My DH had been the best man in a wedding a few years prior, but they had grown apart since then. However, he thought it was really important to ask that guy to be a groomsman. He thought maybe it would bring them closer.

6 months after our wedding, the guy is always “busy” when my DH asks him for plans. They rarely talk on the phone and only exchange emails when my DH initiates. I feel really bad for my DH, and it’s hard not to say “I told you so.”

Post # 11
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

We’re still as good of friends as ever with our bridal parties.  I had my sister and his sister and my two best friends from high school.  He had his sister’s fiance and his two friends from work.  We live a ways away from most of them, but make an effort to hang out.

We’re still close with most of our wedding guests, but a few coworkers that we invited, not as much.  We both changed jobs since we invited them, and without that forced interaction every day, things slipped a little.

Post # 12
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Our bridal party consisted of our best friends – one each. They both live in MD and we live in NC, so our lives are the same as they were before. We talk when we can and we know we’re there for each other. Both of them put so much time into the wedding, we granted them leave from us afterwards for a while. 🙂

As for guests…we dumped 4 of them after the wedding. That’s rude to say it but they were rude guests at our wedding of just 76 people. My life is a better place w/o the drama those two couples brought to our lives. Sometimes these things happen. I’ve accepted it (6 months later). 🙂

Post # 13
Member
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Nope… Not close with any of them… Of course, we didn’t have any, so that might be the reason why. But I am still close with our photographer.

 

Post # 14
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

wow, I thought I was the only one; my wedding party was quite small and intimate I still had tons of fun, we had a small guestlist, 1/2 family 1/4 very close friends as in my hubbys best friends and my lifelong friends and significant others I still keep in touch with through my life and 13  were local friends (hubby’s from england so it was majority my guests) I made so many girlfriends before getting married- I chose friends over extended family because I’m not so close to extended family and I wanted to have fun, I say one guest I havent been touch with since the wedding; 3 friends moved (but we are often in touch) 3 guests I have grown apart from they got busy or drifted away getting closer to other friends, 2 are now divorced hubbys of my girlfriends so no contact  there, but otherwise majority I see on a regular basis or keep in touch with on a regular basis even the ones who moved away, we still make plans to see each other; but yeah, even then I had my doubts but I would have not invited as many girlfriends, one was a group of 4 you cant invite one and  not the other; you dont know who your real friends are til many years later the ones who stay in touch or still see you, they were my friends at the time, but even then some of them I had second thoughts; I probably would have not invited a  few friends;sometimes you get pressured because of groups; funnily enough the ones I had doubts are the ones I see only rarely now, guess you have to listen to your gut sometimes

 

as for bridesmaids, they were my sister MOH and 16 year old niece BM so I will always be close, my flowergirls, ring bearer and coinbearers are my nieces and nephews and nieces so I will always see them hubby had two best friends, as bestman and groomsman but even the one friend cant make time for him anymore when he visits England, how sad:(

friends are tricky; they come and go whereas family stay in your life forever; so I am glad most of the guests were family and lifelong friends; but that was the decision I made at the time, they were a part of my life at the time and now a few of them not so much, its life

Post # 15
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

One of my BM stopped talking to me altogether after the wedding. She was angry becasue she had some words with another BM before the wedding (i had idea that this was going on) Oh well… if she doesnt want to be my friend anymore becasue fo someone else… then maybe we werent as close as I thought!

Post # 16
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

At the time I thought our guest attendance was small(ish) at 127…everyone said “oh that’s a nice size”. It could have been smaller looking back at it now. There were several people we invited right after we were engaged that a year later when we got married that we weren’t “that” close to anymore. I blame Save The Dates- we decided on our guest list in Jan. for an October wedding… I would have rather nixed doing the std and invited people in Aug.

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