Post-Wedding Nightmare

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Did your husband’s father tell his mother that he was going to pay for it all and then ask her to pay him back later? if not, then he has no right to do that and your husband needs to tell him. Equally, if his mother knew then your husband needs to talk to her. Most importantly you need to tell all of them not to bad mouth the other(s) off to you as you won’t stand for it. It isn’t right they are making you feel bad. 

Post # 4
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Unless his mom committed to pay 1/2, they had no right to expect her to pay.  Just tell dad/sm, you dont want to hear anymore.

Post # 5
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You need to tell both sides that you are not going to be dragged into a fight that is nothing to do with you.

Change your mobile phone number, block their emails, block any way that they can get hold of you personally.  If it is an emergency, the only way they should be able to contact you is through your husband’s mobile number.

My point of view is, and always will be, that: problem with husband’s family – husband responsibility to deal with them.

I will however add that if your ILs didn’t agree to this beforehand, your FIL has no right to present your MIL with a bill.  

Post # 6
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry about MIL “hijacking” your father/daughter dance, but I would have given her a mother/son dance?  Did he pick music for that?

Post # 7
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

OP, this is not your fight. Let them sort it out themselves. Repeat: “I’m not comfortable getting caught in the middle. Please sort this out yourselves, and leave us out of it.” Repeat as necessary (in person) or get off the phone. Ignore the emails.

It always makes me sad when people use a wedding to drag up the old nonsense, pick the scabs off old fights, and show their worst sides.

On the bright side, you are married and getting to live your happily ever after now! Congratulations! Don’t let these people bring you down.

Post # 9
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014



+1 to these two PPs

OP, as someone with extensive experience in family dramatics (thanks, mom’s family!) I can tell you that getting in the middle is totally not what you want to do. That perpetuates the drama. Instead, just make yourself absent while they’re being childish. That means you answer the phone, but if they start going into this BS, tell them “I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable being caught in between the two of you. You need to speak with each other. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” and don’t answer their calls for the rest of the day. Everyone gets this treatment, and your husband should probably do the same. They are adults and they need to act it. You or your husband getting involved will NOT solve anything and will just be seen as a victory for whoever got you into the fight, and therefore intensify and perpetuate it.

As for family functions, I suggest you make plans with your family for this holiday, or just take a vacation. Doesn’t matter where you’re going, just not with either side of your husband’s family.

I’d also suggest a therapist – as outsiders, they can often offer easy solutions to problems like this, and they’re emotionally competent enough to make sure that those solutions are ones you can implement and maintain without harm to yourselves and your marriage.

Post # 10
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ugh. Totally sucks. But none of this is your fault or your problem!!!

I agree that it was wrong of your FIL to send MIL a bill. But it’s between them. Don’t get into it.

I would tell both stepMIL and MIL that you will not listen to any badmouthing about the other in no uncertain terms. Tell them that their badmouthing is stressing you out and you don’t want to be in the middle. You love them both but are not going to tolerate them bitching to you about the otehr. Establish yourself as neutral. You can’t make them get along with each other, but you can control how they interact with you.

As for family get togethers. Your FIL and stepMIL can say that MIL can’t come to things at their house, but they should understand that you’ll then need to cut some of the time you spend with them so that you can visit MIL separately. 

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