- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Well, I am happy to report that we got married this past June with relative success.. However, the wedding caused a huge amount of conflict, and I don’t know how to live with the post-wedding nightmare that I find myself engulfed in. Basically, my husband’s parents are divorced, and his father is re-married. Throughout his entire life, his parents have remained good friends and have attended all family functions together, etc. They’ve always had a positive relationship.
My husband’s father contributed financially to our wedding, and his mother did not. His mother’s argument was that she didn’t have enough “control” over planning, so she was not going to contribute. She was also starting her own business, and she was “too busy”. After the wedding, his father sent her a bill for her share of the costs, and she refused. Since then, my husband’s step mother has been furious, and his father & stepmom cut his mother off completely. Both sides are angry with the other and no one is on speaking terms. Also, hubby’s father & stepmom declared that his mother is no longer welcome at ANY family functions.
To make matters worse, his stepmom has been calling and emailing me, saying nasty things about his mother, and how awful she’s been as a mother, how selfish she is, etc.. She’s basically trying to get me on her side. Then.. my hubby’s mother is doing the SAME thing! She keeps texting/calling/emailing me and telling me not to listen to “those fools..” The GOOD news is that hubby’s family lives on the other coast, so they’re far away (we are on the east coast, them: west coast). We were planning to out out there for Christmas this year, but I’ve been so turned off by all of this that I don’t want to anymore.. His mother can also be emotionally unstable.
Long story short, I feel like a wedding is supposed to be a joyous occasion, and his family has ruined that for me, especially afterwards.. we came back from our honeymoon to this mess. My hubby is also distraught about it, and it probably brings back old feelings from the original divorce when he was 13.. I feel guilty, because our wedding caused these old issues to be brought to the surface. What should I do?? I’m caught in the middle… It just really leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Not to mention, the wedding itself was fraught with disasters: hubby’s mother was angry about not picking a first dance song, so she hijacked my father-daughter dance, mother was resentful and hostile during the wedding, my parents forced us to have a Jewish wedding, when it’s not even part of our lives… many things..