(Closed) Postage on RSVP cards – waste!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I feel you. When people tell me they are coming I tell them that we spent over 200$ in stamps and to throw it in the mail..

Post # 4
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Not to mention the cost of the R.s.v.p. cards themselves — also a waste. People use them because they think it is “good etiquette” to do so. It is not. Proper form is for each guest to respond in the same form as the invitation — that is, formally in writing if it was a formal written invitation — and to trust to your guests not to need (or appreciate) someone’s trying to guide or force them into doing “the right thing”.

Nowadays, phoning or emailing or texting is much more natural to your guests, many of whom may not even have visited the local post-box to drop a letter into it. A truly thoughtful hostess makes things easy for her guests, rather than trying to make them follow incorrect rules. Those like me who actually are sticklers will dig out their monogrammed paper and write a proper response. Those who are thoughtful but not stuffy will phone or email or text or click on a weblink. The rest — well, even sending an R.s.v.p. card won’t work for them, so why waste the money!

I’m afraid if you then got back to me and said you “spent over 200$ in stamps and to throw it in the mail”, I would send you a cheque for 200$ along with a polite note commiserating your impecuniary circumstances, thanking you for trusting me as so close a friend as to share such private information when it must be so embarassing to you, congratulating you on keeping up appearances, and letting you know that given the circumstances I wouldn’t dream of incurring you any extra expense by actually entertaining me to dinner.

 

Post # 5
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am glad I found this post…. I was wondering.. I will be setting up a wedding website for us and I am still going to make R.S.V.P Cards but I will be asking guests to please R.S.V.P online on the website.I dont want to spend all that money on stamps for them to send them back if I dont have too.

I do have one question though… I want mine to be very particular where it is just those people I am inviting and not so they can bring whom ever they want.. Can you personalize the r.s.v.p’s on the website.. according to each invite? Not sure how it works… Like they can click on their name and r.s.v.p?

Post # 6
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I hate this!!  I am still mad about spending so much time and money getting stamps and paying extra to have my addresss printed on them!  I am soooo glad my mother talked me out of custom stamps that I wanted which were twice as much as regular ones!  Grrr…I just hate hate hate that people don’t friggin rsvp!!!  

Post # 7
Member
1761 posts
Buzzing bee

@Anxiouspeanut: We are directing people to the website as well. We’ll have a separate little card with the invitation that will tell the guests to RSVP at the website or by telephone, and it will say ___ seats have been reserved in your honor (or something like that).

Post # 8
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Keltaena: Yeah the website is a great idea I thought and it saves money on stamps.. That is what I am going to do as well now that you mentioned it.. People should be able to put two and two together to figure out that the 2 seats means the two people that the invite was addressed to and no one else… I hope !!!

Post # 9
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@aspasia475: I love how you say this would be a “polite” note when it would be

“commiserating your impecuniary circumstances, thanking you for trusting me as so close a friend as to share such private information when it must be so embarassing to you, congratulating you on keeping up appearances, and letting you know that given the circumstances I wouldn’t dream of incurring you any extra expense by actually entertaining me to dinner

Post # 10
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Whoa! what happened to the rest of my post?

continued…

AKA implying the individual should be embarassed, that she is only concerned with keeping up with the Jones’ and that she can’t really afford to pay for your dinner so you won’t be attending. This is the second post of yours that I’ve read with this passive agressive, sarcastic, thinly veiled contempt, and I have to say you excel at this and it makes me smile each time. 🙂

ETA – OP, of course her scenario was a hypothetical, and in your case, I definitely agree and would be frustrated by the expense. Look at it this way – the RSVP stamp was part of the cost of getting a response, whether you ended up receiving it in the mail, on the phone or in person.

Post # 11
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Seriously, what is WRONG with people?  I love getting wedding invitations, or invitations to anything for that matter.  I send the RSVP card back right away.  I love that I have an RSVP card.  Personally, I’d rather not call and RSVP, especially to hosts of a party I hardly know, like for a shower.  I think email should be an option for more informal parties, and the RSVP card is perfect for a wedding.  What is so freakin’ hard about sending it back?

I worry about this with my wedding.  It’s the “all about me” syndrome and nowadays, regardless of Save the Dates, etc., people simply do not want to commit to doing something more than a day or two in advance.  It’s maddening.  This is a wedding, for crying out loud, not a backyard barbeque.  

Post # 12
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m so with you! We wasted a ton of money on stamps! 

Post # 13
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We’ve given people an email address and a phone number. I love RSVP cards – they are super cute and I love receiving them and sending them back! But I knew that most of my guests wouldn’t really care and we wanted to save money and paper.

Post # 14
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I hear you! My RSVPs are due in 6 day, and only half of our invites have responded.

Not to mention that the ones responding are mainly the people I already know are coming, like close friends and family. I am beyond irritation.

Really, people. Take a pen out, check one of two boxes, and put the thing in your mailbox.

Post # 15
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@aspasia475:   Ummm…it would be fine if people actually called, texted, emailed, etc, but I think the problem everyone talks about when ranting about RSVPS, is that there is NO response in any shape or form.  

Post # 16
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m having an additional problem… postage on postcards went up 1 cent from when I bought the postcard stamps. I’m still getting some (have about half) but I have no idea if more people have mailed them but haven’t made it me b/c they didn’t have enough postage on them.  I know a lot of people typically don’t respond but this is just going to create a much longer calling list. Not going be fun come beginning of June!

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