Post # 1
I was going to write this under a fake name, but I thought it’d be better to be open about it. Please try not to judge too harshly. . .
Does anyone have any experience with treatment for PPD? I had a baby five months ago, and lately have felt very weepy, irritable, and frustrated. I’m not sleeping much and while I’ve asked my husband to help more, but he’s not. I don’t have family in the area and friends keep offering to help but never follow through. I am the only one getting up at night and my husband seems to prefer to make dinner/do the dishes rather than give me a baby-free few minutes (I know that’s something, at least). I’m also back to work three days a week and am running on 3-4 hours of sleep.
I love my little one a ton, but found myself feeling really, really frustrated when I couldn’t get him back to sleep last night (I told my husband I was starting to hate the baby – which I don’t mean, but who says that???) I feel like this is starting to interfere with my being a good mommy. I called my OB and they gave me names of therapists, who I have left messages for.
Anyway, anyone go through this? I’m not a naturally bad mom, right?
Post # 3
NO you’re a totally normal overwhelmed mom of a newborn! Follow thru with the therapists and meet with them until you find one you like and feel comfortable with. They’ll help you discuss your needs with your SO more clearly, and learn it’s okay to feel totally exhausted and angry sometimes. Also, if you don’t already know, a really popular blogger dooce.com went though and wrote very candidly about her Post Partum back in 2004. She was actually hospitalized for it, and is a big proponent of education and medication about the issue. I recommend reading some of her archives and reminding yourself it won’t always be like this. Things will get better. You will get sleep, and you will get your life back. She was also written up in the New York Times Magazine this past weekend and the article on the NY times webpage talks about her some more. Sometimes it just helps to hear you’re not alone.
Post # 4
it’s great that you’re asking about this! i was also going to recommend dooce. her book is really great (and i don’t even have a baby).
good luck, you’ll get through this!
Post # 5
Here are her archives specifically dealing with PPD. http://www.dooce.com/archives/depression you can start at the least recent and work your way up.
Post # 6
Sounds like you’re running on empty.
Could maybe your husband do one of the late night or first feeding of the morning so you can get a little more uninterrupted sleep and he doesn’t have to wake up in the night, he just has to be the first one up or last one to bed?
Maybe have daddy/baby time when he gets home from work and you can go get some fresh air?
Don’t be worried to talk to someone and it sounds like you and your hubby need to figure out how to get you more sleep and at least a little bit of alone time.
Post # 7
You are NOT a bad mom; you’re a WONDERFUL mom for recognizing that you need help and reaching out to get it. It can be hard having a baby sometimes, and we’ve all been frustrated and upset at times, but it doesn’t mean you love your baby any less or that you’re a bad mom. You did a wonderful thing by calling your doctor. Remember, the best thing you can do for your baby is to give him a happy, healthy mommy. You have to take care of yourself in order to effectively take care of your baby.
I don’t personally have experience with PPD, but a co-worker of mine is currently undergoing treatment. Apparently, the most common, and most effective, treatment is a combination of anti-depressants and therapy. You said you don’t have any family in the area, but do you have anyone who could come up for a few days to help you out? My co-worker said that when she gets enough sleep, her PPD seems more manageable. Also, have you told your husband how bad it really is? My co-worker also said that once her husband started going to a couple therapy sessions with her, and really understood what she was going through, it started getting better; a support team is an important part of recovery. She’s about a year post-partum, now, and still in treatment, but I’ve noticed a big change from 6 months ago, when she came back to work.
Hugs, beanieboo. I think you did a great thing by reaching out for help, and I’ll definitely be thinking of you.
Post # 8
I have had PPD with my first child (I have two). The feelings you are experiencing are normal but it’s very very important to see a family physician about it. Therapy is vital as well but when you are experiencing exhaustion, feelings of resentment, sometimes you need something (medication) to help. For my second child, I stayed on anti-depressants at a moderate dose and the experience was 100% different. I have bad hormonal shifts as well so they (my meds) have kept my mood more stabilized and less anxiety, depression, etc.
Feel free to email me : emandeli1 at yahoo. ca if you ever want to talk. It is really important to have a good support system of people who understand (ie/ in person, online, medical team, etc).
Don’t worry-you are NOT alone although it may feel like it.
Post # 9
You’re not a bad mom. You just need some help with the baby.
You could just be overwhelmed which is normal. However I think a therapist/doctor would be able to help you with anything going on chemically. You can’t always just “decide” that you’re going to feel better, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that.
Maybe your husband needs a wake up call to realize that you can’t do it all on your own. Tell him you need some space and some time for yourself and tell him when you’re going to take it so he can be there. Perhaps once he sees that you’re seeking treatment for this he’ll realize the severity of it – also it might be helpful for him to hear it from someone else (a doctor) that he needs to step it up.
Post # 10
Please don’t feel ashamed. This is something that a lot of women experience. That’s great that you already called your doctor. Also, if you could probably get some recomendations from your son’s pediatrician.
Post # 11
I’m sure this must be so tough for you. You are doing the right thing by reaching out. And you are NOT a bad mom. In fact, you are a wonderful mom because you are recognizing what is going on and you are looking for help… that is the best thing for your baby. And you!
Are there any friends that you could call and let them know what is going on? I know that everyone is very busy in their lives, and your friends might think you have it all under control. If a friend called me and told me exactly what was going on (ppd), I would MAKE the time for her. I would come over, take the baby for a few hours, run errands for her– whatever she needed me to do.
Sometimes, friends just need to hear you say “I NEED YOU NOW” rather than just “Yeah, it would be nice if you stop by sometime.” So perhaps being direct with a few close friends would offer some relief.
I also recommend the same for your husband. I would print something about PPD and show your husband. I think a LOT of men don’t realize that this is a serious issue. They think you are just tired and you’ll snap out of it. But if you show him (from a source other than yourself) that this is serious, maybe he’ll listen a little more.
Lastly, we are HERE for you! Please please please come on here and vent to us. Sometimes, getting it out is the best way to deal with things. I’m sure a therapist will be able to help a lot, but if you are frustrated and just need to come on here and vent, please do!!!!!!!
Post # 12
No, you’re not a bad mother. It’s good to know the signs and to ask for help.
I have never had PPD but I think I might be at risk of getting it when I do become pregnant and have a child. I see a therpist regularly for some other issues so I’m going to make sure I bring it up with her when I do get pregnant so she can help me through my worries.
Good luck! I’ll be thinking of you.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Definitely call somebody for help! Between some therapy sessions and possible medicine, you will feel better!! I agree with those who said your husband needs to be made aware of the situation. You need help! And that does NOT make you a bad mom. So many women have gone through this and so many more will in the future. It’s totally normal, but you do not have to suffer! Please get help! We’re all here for you. 🙂
Post # 14
I agree with the others. You are not a bad mom at all. You are overwhelmed, but you are seeking help, and that’s the most important thing. I’ve never had post-partum depression, but I suffer from depression and anxiety. Lack of sleep is one of my biggest triggers for feeling worse. Take your husband to meet with your doctor and meet the therapist as well. He needs to understand that depression is not something you can just snap out of. So, talk to the therapists. Talk to you doctor. If you need to go on medication then that’s what you need to do to get better. Take a little time for yourself every now and then (even if it’s just a quiet 30 minutes in a bath tub). Get out when it’s sunny. It’s hard when the days are grey and short during winter. Take a walk with the baby. Excercise helps, even though I know how hard it is to get motivated when it’s cold and you feel like crawling into bed. And know that lots of people are out here to support you.
Post # 15
beanieboo: after disappearing from weddingbee for about 7-8 months, i just revisited while doing some research on postpartum. I, too, have been suffering somewhat silently probably since about a few weeks before i had the baby. Please realize you are not alone, and that no matter what your life circumstances, you could not have avoided this but you should definitely seek out help from a physician or therapist. Talk to someone, go for a walk – even with the baby, and go to a movie or meet with friends if you have some in the area, even if they can’t watch the baby. We have no friends in the area so my support group here is non-existent. I completely understand how you are feeling, and although I have suffered from depression in the past, I realize now that I would have never understood postpartum depression had I not been in the throes of it now. It is something completely new and foreign to me, and not a natural feeling. You are a great mother, please believe that no matter what.
I have only begun seeking ocunseling over the past few weeks and am so regretful for not doing it months ago. I believe that even though I was fully aware of my condition after a few months of extreme sadness and feelilng like I was going crazy, I thought I could handle it on my own. My husband works a lot and is in no mood to care for a baby once he gets home, and I don’t know that he is able to emotionally support me as much as I need right now, so I am trying to learn how to give myself what I need without having to ask him for support, which is difficult. I can honestly say that he tried and probably is still trying but I am just not getting what I need emotionally from him. It still makes me sad, even though I should know he is not that type of person. I don’t know that impact of it on my marriage; I am afraid of what will happen in the future, but please realize that you need to take care of yourself in order to fully care for your child. I am trying to cope with this and take care of myself as well.
Post # 16
@flbeachbride: I was just looking through our old pregnancy updates yesterday, and I was wondering what had happened to you. I’m so sorry you’re going through PPD, and that you are struggling without a strong support system. I hope that the counseling you’ve started helps, and I hope that you take this opportunity to stick around. Don’t be a stranger. 🙂
@beanieboo: I saw you posting in another thread earlier this week, and I was wondering how you are doing, too? Any improvements? Is babyboo still having a tough time sleeping? Or has his sleep gotten any better?