(Closed) postpone the wedding?!

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

You know, when some friends of ours did this, I thought it was a bad sign, too. That was my own ignorance speaking, though. They chose to wait because they didn’t feel ready yet for a variety of reasons; they took the few extra months to get some counseling and save some more money. Now they’re happily married and well adjusted.

I think that sure, a postponement is sometimes a sign of cold feet. In your case, though, it sounds like you’ve got a bunch of practical reasons to change the date. That being said, I think losing the deposits or paying more money would be unfortunate for you. I have no idea how that would work.

Bottom line: You and your FI know yourselves and your situation better than anybody else, and if this is the best thing for you, then go for it. Like me with my friends, most people will take it as a bad sign purely out of ignorance. 

Post # 4
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Pancy,

 My FI and I are the king and queen of postponing our wedding.  It has been beyond frustrating.  Its downright infuriating.  Lucky, very few of the postponements were our doings, it mostly dealt with scheduling conflicts of key individuals such as my father, his grandmother, the MOH, a pregnant favorite aunt.  Argh.  I think its been about three or four times we had to reschedule.  The whole thing is a shame because more than anything I wanted a November wedding and now we’re having it in the spring (my second choice).  Luckily I hadn’t signed anything until we were absolutely positive about the date.

Anyway, my family, like yours, told me it was a bad sign.  That perhaps we shouldn’t marry.  But my FI, the voice of reason and *lots* patience throughout this whole ordeal, told me that since the postponements were not due to a rocky relationship or doubts that it wasn’t a sign of anything other than other people’s busy schedules.  Likewise, your reasons for postponement don’t seem to be based on relationship difficulties so I wouldn’t allow myself to worry about it.

I think the hardest part was telling people over and over again a different date and it got to the point where people weren’t taking me seriously.   Quite embarrassing actually.  So I do understand the concern but this is you and your FI’s wedding day, do what feels right to you and not what other people think or say about your actions.

 By the way, I learned (and am still learning) you can’t please everyone.  I eventually scheduled a date in cement and now just tell people who can’t come that I really wish they could come but that that is the date we’re sticking with.

Post # 5
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

you and your FI know what’s best for you.  all i gotta say is that at least your invites haven’t been sent out.  and maybe you might want to reconsider that winter wedding if you feel sort of sad about pushing it back. that way it’s not totally pushed back too far… ya know? and besides.. winters in CA aren’t that bad (in LA at least… not sure of which part of CA you’re in).  anyway.. you 2 know what’s best. but i can totally empathize about the "bad sign" stuff…

Post # 6
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Those scheduling conflicts- are they yours and FH’s??? I knew when it came to scheduling my date, I would hear oh, well you can’t do it this day because of x, but you can’t do it this month, because the kids are in school still, you can’t do it this month b/c I don’t have paid vacation from my job, you can’t do it this month because I’ll have to whatever… So when FH & I got around to start picking a date, I said flat out, we’d love to have you there, but if it comes to me having a July wedding in the Florida heat, or not having you there and it be in April, Sorry but I choose April (well I wasn’t that zilla’y but, I made the point). I pretty much said, it is important to have everyone we love there, but I cannot make the decisions that surround the beginning of our marriage about anyone but us, and only us.

As far as deposits- look at all of your contracts and see what the refund/cancellation policies are… Most of mine were like 6 mos, one was even 60 days or something.

As far as the site, if you choose to re-book at the same locations, most will apply your original deposit to the new date, especially if you intend on re-booking they are more likely to re-apply it, than to just refund it (complete cancellation).

Luck!

Post # 7
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

A bride and friend of mine was going to get married in July 2008, but because of the family stress, health issues and a big purchase in the works, she and her guy decided to post pone it until 2009. She said it was the best wedding decision they’ve made so far. She was worried too, but came up with a practiced response if anyone had any questions. If you’re thinking about it, try the decision on for a day, two or even a week to see how it feels. If it feels right, then go for it. I’m a big believer in enjoying the engagement process, so do what’s best for the two of you.

Post # 8
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Oh the dreaded postponement!  My fiance is an Air Force officer and pilot and the military dictates his whereabouts 24/7 and can change things up on us at any moment.  We’ve found a few possible weekends in 2008 (either Labor Day weekend or December) to get married.  There are pros and cons for both one being that I hate winter in Indiana with a passion.  However, if we don’t do it then we have no idea when we might actually be able to do it.  If we put it off any longer than we will run the risk of him being deployed.

So I started to come to terms with December and began looking at color palettes for winter and now I’m coming to terms with December and liking it even more!  So my suggestion is if the postponement is for good reasons, go for it!  Then take a look at some beautiful ideas in magazines, etc. and I bet you’ll start to like winter even more! 

Post # 9
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Well, here’s my two cents.  For some perspective on my response, I will preface it by mentioning again that my fiance broke off our engagement and we split up a week and a half ago, as you may have seen from my other posts on these boards.  (And look how addicted I am – I can’t give up Weddingbee even though I’m not planning a wedding anymore!!) 

Anyway… We got engaged at Christmas 2006.  We initially set our wedding date for August 2007, so we would have been married by now.  However in our city, August is high season for weddings and all the venues we liked were already booked up.  It was also very important to me to have the wedding at a particular time of year, so we ended up moving the wedding back a full 12 months, so we were to be married this coming August 2008.

There are two sides to the issue of postponement as I look at it.  There is the practical side, and the emotional side.  On the emotional side, people will assume it’s a bad sign.  They won’t necessarily know the reason why you are choosing to postpone, and even if you tell them or even if it is not because of a problem in your relationship, they will assume that it’s a bad sign.  This was the case with us, and as it turned out, the "bad sign" came true and we have now split up.  However, this is just our situation, and I don’t believe for one second that we were destined to break up because we postponed the wedding.  If you feel like you have a strong relationship with your fiance and you are not superstitious about "bad omens," then do not let this be a deciding factor on your wedding date.

On the practical side, I would say that having a few extra months to plan is actually a good thing.  It depends on how much stress you can handle and how busy you like to be, but having the extra planning time was a blessing for me once we pushed back our wedding date.  We had the pick of all the vendors we wanted because nobody was booked up so far in advance, so that is a definite advantage, and if you use the extra time well, you will not be as stressed with too much to do in too little time.  You also don’t want your engagement to be so long that it feels like your wedding is never coming.  I would suggest that 12-14 months is an ideal length.  Ours was 18 months and it felt like forever.

Post # 10
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Oops, I can’t even count.  Our engagement would have been 20 months, and it felt like forever!!

Post # 11
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

There can be any number of considerations that go into scheduling a wedding, and I would just ignore anyone who tries to make you feel as if having to reschedule somehow dooms your relationship.  I feel lucky that we got ours scheduled at all – looking at all the various other major things going on this year, we decided that July was the only month really available.  Then our venue was already booked every Saturday in July but the 12th.  That also happens to be my sister’s only child’s first birthday.  (Luckily she seems to think that is great timing.)  We have since had any number of people second-guess our scheduling, and I have to say that anyone who would do that probably has no idea how difficult it can be! 

Post # 12
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I ended up pushing mine back, and I actually love having the extra time.  That way I can do one task, procrastinate a few weeks, then focus on another one.  April in CA is pretty rainy– last year I think it rained 2 out of the 4 weekends, so pretty risky.  May is a safer bet, and it’s only one month later.

Smartl, I totally feel for you, and I know of other people in your same situation.  You’re still really young, so don’t worry!  You’ll find the right person.

Post # 14
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

Yeah, keep us posted!

And for smartl…I think you have something valuable to bring to Weddingbee, and I always look forward to your comments. Just because your situation has changed a bit doesn’t mean you’re not part of the "club" anymore. You’re still the same cool person that we like to hear from.

Post # 15
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Hehee thanks Angel, that is so sweet of you to say.  Sometimes I think I’m too "honest" and upfront if I disagree with someone and I’m afraid my comments come off the wrong way on occasion… I’m glad to know you like to hear from me!!

I’m doing okay by the way.  Wasn’t trying to hijack this comment thread to talk about my broken engagement, I just mentioned it because I thought that detail was pretty relevant to the topic at hand since we had a postponed wedding date that people saw as a bad omen, and lo and behold now we’ve split up!

Post # 16
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

you know what??? you are not in alone in the whole postponement of things. we had to move our August 2008 wedding to Feb 2009 b/c the hubbs got laid off.

it’s nothing to be embarrassed about or concerned about – obviously if youre engageed, you are already "acting" on the for better or worse part of the vows.

be prepared – people will think "uh oh – what’s wrong – are you guys ok?" it’s up to you if you want to share your scheduling conflicts

in our situation – we didnt want to not have "the show" so instead of cancelling all together we postponed it to feb 2009. so many of our friends and famile were so looking forward to our wedding and party and we also didnt want to give up seeing them and having OUR DAY with them…

Sooooo on what would have been our honeymoon in August – we are still going to hawaii for 3 weeks and we’re "secretly" gettnig married in a small intimate ceremony – just me and him – and will show the pics at the reception in Feb.

For us, it made sense to just BE MARRIED and not put that part off – but it was still important to have a church ceremony and have all our family and friends there – so we decided for us it worked to have two weddings…

i also didnt want a Feb/winter wedding – but now i realize that part doesnt matter – it’s about the commitment and the bond you guys share – barring any winter snow storms, people will make it to your wedding regardless of the time of year, kwim?? and if you’re in cali – it’s not like we have to worry about snow kwim??

GOOD LUCK with whatever you guys decide!!! and CONGRATS on your engagement!

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