Postpone wedding because of depression?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I AM going through it. The smallest stressors set my emotions spiraling out of control. The fact that you are seeking professional help is awesome – I comend you for you admission. But girl – you gotta tackle this head on. Talk to your therapist about coping strategies for wedding planning. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Can you just plan something easier, like a small, intimate wedding; maybe something with just close, supportive family and friends?  I am going through the same thing and my DH is very supportive.  We got married despite it all and there are no regrets.  There is no way I could have handled the stress of planning a larger affair.  I’m so sorry his family are being jerks; it sounds like they are also giving your fiance a difficult time.  *hugs*

Post # 5
Member
8916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@alaha:  Hey girl – so sorry this is happening to you, and GOOD for you for seeking treatment!  That is the first step toward feeling better.

We went through something similar.  My now-husband has gone through periods of depression in the past (every few years), and was experiencing his alltime-worst in the period about 6-8 months before our wedding.  It was terrible – he was basically non-functional and simply trying to stay alive.

We decided to go ahead with the wedding planning in the (reasonable) hopes that his treatment options would get him back on his feet in the time before our wedding – which did happen.  The wedding was one of the most joyful experiences we’ve ever had, and he is doing about 98% better now and very happily married.  Not going to lie, planning a wedding plus supporting a partner was definitely difficult, but we have no regrets.

It wasn’t really an option for us, but could you consider an intimate wedding or an elopement?  I agree that it seems hurtful to postpone the wedding, even though he probably just has your happiness and mental health in mind, but downsizing isn’t a bad idea.

Also, unless he’s given you any reason to believe otherwise, I’m sure he is disgusted by his cruel family and their comments.  Those doubts you feel are the depression talking – I’m sure this guy loves you and would never break up with you over mental health issues.  Hugs to you, and stay the course with treatment to feel better!!

Post # 6
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

When are you planning on getting married?

I would agree with the earlier advice and downsize your wedding rather than postpone it.  Just have a small ceremony on a beach somewhere with the people who really love both of you.   It’s the marriage that is important and not the big wedding.  You can have a big party another time. 

I’ve been married for over 26 years and it really is the marriage ceremony that is the most important bit of the day.

Keep on with the treatment.  Be aware that things will get better.  It won’t feel like it for a while but you will get there.  Make sure you go for a walk every day.  Ask a friend to go with you.

Post # 8
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Hi alaha. 

Definitely postpone your wedding day. Work on yourself first, it sounds like you’re leaning on your FI to feel kinda stable and he’s already started to crack under that pressure (telling you he’s worried about his mental health, losing the ring, wavering bw postponing and not…). His request to postpone the wedding under these circumstances are not unreasonable. 

Hopefully after a while in therapy you’ll feel better about yourself and will be able to start working on your relationship. 

Once you’ve worked on yourself and then the relationship you’ll be ready to startplanning your wedding again. It really isn’t a question about enjoying the process (although that would be incredible), but a question about your mental HEALTH. If this was a question of a physical health issue you might see it differently (diabetes, cancer, surgeries, etc) and you’d see how the situation is a no-brainer. Please keep up with your treatment and get to a healthier “headspace” before worrying about your wedding day.

 

Post # 9
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but I’d be more concerned about his unwillingness to help you work through your depression and the stuff that happens in life. You can’t always postpone things just because things are hard or difficult.  For example: God forbid if you develop postpartum depression that doesn’t stop the fact that the kid needs the diaper changed, to eat, etc. Hopefully you both can get some counseling to help him understand depression better. 

 

As someone who knows where your coming from and has some OCD for good measure I’m having an all inclusive cruise wedding. All I had to do was pick the package and everything else is taken care of. That’s how I’m mitigating the stress. 

 

My suggestion to you is once he gets back on board. Have the wedding that y’all want even if it’s just you two and the minister. The other people are just gravy. Those who want to be there will find a way and those who can’t won’t. Don’t let his family or your family dictate what works for y’all. 

 

A wedding is just a day but a marriage is for a lifetime. 

 

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