(Closed) Postpone Wedding? Call It Off? Not Sure What to Do…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is NOT the WORST thing that could happen to you. If your FI has been struggling to find a full time position for 3 years, and this is a high paying job that could turn into a great opportunity, this is a GREAT OPPORTUNITY. It gives him the potential to secure what could be a solid financial foundation for your family. Of course your FI is excited. Try not to pour cold water on his parade right now, he really does need the encouragement. Being unemployed or underemployed really does a damper on people’s self esteem.

It seems the job is not secured yet. You want your FI to get the opportunity, so I would keep him excited because that’s what employees want.

As for the wedding, it can be done even if its in a 100 days. My FI and I executed a cross coast move, he took his major exams, started a new job, and i started a new staffed project 2 months before our wedding, and our wedding is next week. So you just have to be really organized.

Wait for an appropriate time to talk to your FI about family plans and relocation. This seems like a golden opportunity for your family. One year is not such a long time. I know many couples who had to do that for a short period of time to ensure their family’s foundation. Two to three years as someone finishes up their degree. I think one year is doeble..but this job for your FI can secure your future for a much much longer period.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

i understand that it is difficult for you, and sounds like hes so excited by the opportunity he hasnt asked you what you think.

im about to make a massive generalisation and im sure lots of bees will disagree with me, but getting laid off, then only having part time work and having to ask you to occasionally give money – its probably a massive kick in the teeth (ie ego) for him. i often think women deal better with life changes than men,,,as we dont feel as much pressure to be the “breadwinner”. and yeah i know its a stereotype, but lots of women dont like being depending ont heir men, and even less men want to be dependent financially on their woman

you should 100% go through with the wedding, and im sure you can manage a long distance commitment just for a year while you can finish classes. should be be considerate – yes of course he should. but if you can, support him and he sounds so excited about the opportunity. i think hed resent you if he had to give it up =S

edit – i just reread your post. so the honeymoon would be cancelled and youd immediately go back to your respective homes and live seperate lives? ouch. i can understand the temptation to postphone better now.

how much have you paid in wedding deposits though? will you lose it if you postphone?

Post # 5
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

How about the other side of the coin? Could you finish your degree closer to him? Maybe online? I don’t know what you are studying but there might be a way for you to get married and stay together!

(I apologize for playing devil’s advocate, but wanted to make sure all options had been considered).

But I do understand your concern. My FI and I have always had a long-distance relationship (we met at a mutual friends wedding). We live 1 hr apart so it is not as far as you are talking so we are still able to see each other on weekends. However, after the wedding he will be making the move to where I live because I have the stable and professional position. It worries me that he will not be able to find a job, or that the job he does find is not enough to make much of a contribution. But I just keep telling myself that as a married couple we can take anything that comes out way.

Good luck!

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