Post # 1
I’m torn, and need advice.
This should be the happiest time of my life, planning for a wedding with a guy whom I love and loves meback equially. He proposed 2 weeks ago and our wedding plans is getting underway. We’ve secured our church for 7/23/2011 and are now ready to pay deposit at the banquet hall.
Then the bad news come. My mom, who was diagnosed with Lymphoma in 2008 and had completed her chemotherapy treatment in 2009 and declared all clear found a lump on the left breast just the past weekend. We went to the doctor who sent her to biopsy immediately. I prayed and prayed to God that this is just false alarm. I don’t seem the have the joy that came along with planning the wedding. I felt so guilty pulling my fiance in the ditches with me that and adding my burden onto him. I feel mom may be pressured that she’s causing inconvenience for me. All in all, I’m lost, happy, scared, unhappy, torn, guilty, stressed…
I’m desparately seeking for advice. Since we’re in such an early stage and nobody except the immediate family are aware of our wedding, should we postpone it? Would this be unfair to my fiance? Would this make my mom guilty? But if I gon on with the wedding, would I ruin a joyful celebration? Would I be able to carry through?
Post # 3
@braxter: Sorry, so much typo. Hands feel weak and shaky since the bad news come….
Post # 4
First of all hugs and best wishes and prayers that everything is okay with your mom. I would probably recommend waiting until you at least get the biopsy results. That way you know what you are dealing with and can make your decisions from there. Keeping you in my thoughts…..
Post # 5
you still have a lot of time until your wedding. wait until the results come, and then have conversations with your mom, your fi, and your close family about what you all think is best.
Post # 6
@Braxter- I’m so sorry you and your family are gonig through this. Don’t make any decisions until the results are back. Last year I had a huge lump in my breast that turns out was just a benign tumor that got really huge. I’m hoping the best for your mom and for you as well.
Post # 7
I agree with the previous posters, wait until the results are back, and then maybe sit down with your mom and see what she’d like to do. Fingers crossed for you.
Post # 8
*hugs* I would talk to your mom first after the tests come back.
Remember, having the joy of planning her daughters wedding may bring her some comfort while she is sick. Planning a wedding with her child might be a major bright spot during a horrible illness and give her something positive to hold onto when things get bad.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry.
First, wait until you actually get a diagnosis before doing anything.
Second, cancer isn’t a death sentance. My dad had a brain tumor, and now is cancer free and in remission.
Post # 10
I agree with the other posters. Hold tight until your mom has a plan and knows more. Then come up with a plan for the wedding.
Post # 11
Stay strong! If you need to talk please PM me as I am going through a similar situation with my mother. She’s having a tumour removed from her kidney this December. Last winter her sister (my aunt) was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Wait for her results. It could be something completely harmless and to stress yourself unneccessarily is too much of a burden. It’s so difficult to face these trying times, but if you can keep your strength up than you can accomplish anything. If you feel like you are going to need to be there for your mom then you need to do what is right. I know in my case my mother didn’t want me to cancel the wedding because she wants us to have it as soon as possible. She’ll have stapels removed 7 weeks before we fly to Mexico. This was our personal choice that was right for us, so we’re making it work no matter what. All we can do is have a positive attitude to try to propel us forward.
Talk it out with you fiance and make sure everyone is really open and honest about what the next few months might be like for you. Family comes first, but your FI will also be your family now too. Once you have the results in you will have a much better idea of what kind of plans you’ll need to make, if you’ll have time for planning, or if the date is right.
Good luck! You and your mother are in my thoughts.
Post # 12
i agree with the other posters about waiting until the test results come back and talking with your mom. it could be really helpful to her to have such an exciting event to look forward to. when my mom had cancer, she used to imagine monet paintings during chemo as her “happy” place, but i’m sure a wedding and all that joy would have been even more of a happy, helpful vision to keep in mind
i want to comment too on what you said about your fi– “i felt so guilty pulling my fiance in the ditches with me that and adding my burden onto him”–PLEASE don’t feel guilty about that, he’s marrying you exactly so he can support you through situations like these, and vice versa. before we were engaged, my now-father in law had a tumor removed from his pancreas and it was a terrifying experience for my husband. he was pretty much a total mess, and didn’t know how to act to help his parents and handle his own fear. supporting him through that was one of the hardest, most stressful experiences i’ve ever had, and definitely the hardest thing we’ve gone through in our relationship (including a year of long distance dating), but we came out so much stronger. i know we can handle anything now together.
Post # 13
Oh, the waiting is the hardest part-once you know, you can deal with things -sorry I have been there. I hope that your mom is okay. I wouldn’t delay your wedding that your planning. Whatever the outcome, it is good to keep going on with your life. Your FI is there in good and bad. Breathe, take things one step at a time, and take care of yourself.
Post # 14
I agree … wait until the results are back. Though I must say to you, this happened to my parents and my grandparents back like 35 yrs ago. My grandpa had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and was diagnosed a few months after my mom got engaged. He told her not to postpone the wedding period. though my mom was adamant about it. At the end, and this story was kind of sad, my grandpa passed away a few months before the wedding. Everyone was numb … but when the wedding day came, it was still joyous and humbling more than ever for my parents knowing that at least my grandpa knew that my mom was (and is still) in a very good hand and she has a man taking care of her!!!
Anyways, I hope and pray everything works out for you and your family! *big hugs*!!!!
Post # 15
@braxter: I’m sorry that you have to go through this, again! I think you should talk with your mom and really hear her. Listen to her words, but look at her body language too. Tell her what you had planned and ask her what she would prefer. I was diagnosed with cancer while my sister was planning her wedding. She postponed “for me”- they were having problems so I really don’t think it was for me. She later got married between 7 surgeries and insisted that I be in it, I never understood what was happening. I was her excuse for everything….. I liked the wedding stuff because it was time off of cancer for me and my family. Unfortunately my sister didn’t really believe me and would do weird stuff- at the last minute she didn’t let me host showers and parties because I was sick. I LOVE hosting stuff, I still had thanksgiving at my house and everything else while getting chemo and on morphine because I love that stuff. I am sure you know your mom really well and will know what she wants. But believe her and trust that she is really telling you what she really wants. I bet as your mom she will want you to continue planning and will love to see you happy and living!
Post # 16
I agree with the others to wait. But I think that your mom will want the wedding to look forward to, sick or not.