(Closed) Postpone wedding? Problems at hand…

posted 5 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am a big believer in couples counselling.  I would NOT send the STDs until you get him in a room with a neutral party and find out what is going on.  This resentment will continue to grow on both sides.

Post # 4
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves

If you’re both having doubts you should stop and think about this. It’s sad you’re losing deposits but a marriage’s not a place to enter doubting, better to think things through, talk about it and then carry on with the wedding, you can do it now or later but you need to have things figured before getting into the biggest commitment of your lives.

Now, talking about it doesn’t exactly mean you should postpone it, talk to your FI and express your feelings, he knew about your career when he met you and proposed so what’s the deal no? he might be concerned about the future future (forming a family?) and not the right now future. You need to talk things through.

Post # 5
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I second the counseling.  You need someone to help you both air what you’re feeling and figure this out.

Post # 6
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds more like a money panic than a relationship panic. 

He shouldn’t be discouraging you from the job that you love so you need to tell him how you feel. He may just see debts and payments adding up and be worrying about the future. I agree with the neutral party and talk about it before you either send out the STDs or cancel it. 

Post # 7
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Time to sit down in a neutral place and have a real discussion.  You may need some couples counseling as well.  But DO NOT send out those STDs until you resolve this.  STDs while nice are not required, you can always send them later or just send out invitations.

Post # 8
Member
11242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Cheeks225:  Yep.

While on one hand, debt is debt, student loans are NOT consumer debts; there is a HUGE difference. It’s not the result of being irresponsible–you got your degree and accumulated the loans. You and I are very similar (that first description paragraph, up to the very last sentence, could be me), but my FI views student loans as a necessary evil.

I feel like there’s something else going on with your FI that he isn’t telling you, and definitely think that you need to go to counseling with him and find out what’s going on.

Post # 9
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sure your parents would much rather you be happy with your decision than not get their deposit back–plus, if you go through with the wedding just because they’ve paid the deposit, they’re going to end up spending a lot more money. I wish you the best–if you’re not sure, just postpone it until you are. There is nothing wrong with doing what you believe is the right thing!

Post # 11
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@MsP:  Erm, Im sounding like your fiance here, Just had a MASSIVE row with my HTB which although multi-layered basically boils down to finances.Im the one trying to get out of it, hes happy living the way we always have done. I think your future hubby just trying to secure a more stable future for you both.

Keep talking together, I’m also not a massive fan of counselling, you can work things out without involving others if thats more comfortable but be honest and say youll work hard to help out etc etc. Spreadsheets and other tools are great for working out exactly what incomings /outgoings are and will help you get over any hurdles when done together if you’re sharing accounts.

 

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