(Closed) Postpone wedding vs cancellation

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Are you for real???

Why would you be mad and upset for your FI trying to make a better life for you both??? I just don’t get it.

You should be happy that he has a job and is willing to do the right thing by staying for the training and getting settled. Cut him some slack. Neither you, nor your family should be upset with him. He seems like a responsible man and you should be thankful for that. Getting a job at 52 in this economy and day and age is no easy task.

Do you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him??? From what you have stated, I would lean to the side that you may just be comfortable in the relationship and you do not truly love him.

I think you should postpone the wedding. If you cancel the wedding and break up with him, you don’t really love him and he would be better off without you.

 

Post # 4
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@tikya8:

I’m so sorry to hear about your wedding troubles. Here is my 2 cents, I hope it helps.

I’m with your sister on this one. If you and your FI have been dating this long, you obviously love each other. Anyone who has spent more than a week planning a wedding would regret not ever having one at all. Afterall, he is not asking to cancel….just postponing it to a later date.

These people that you have to call and apologize to, who are they? Are they vendors or Family and Friends.  Family will always understand and so will Friends if they really care about the two of you.  As long as you reschedule your vendors, they are normally very understanding.

You also have to consider what the consequences are if he lost his job? How will this affect him emotionally, mentally and financially?

Think of this as one for “For better or for worse” ……isn’t that what marriage is about? A partnership?

Post # 6
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

@tikya8: The new job is not ruining your wedding. They are giving your FI an opportunity to provide for you and him. He is in a training program that is very important. That should be important to you too. Just postpone the wedding for a couple of months, or if you can’t wait, go to the justice of the peace. I think you should be more supportive of him and not be mad at him. He is doing this for the future of both of you.

Post # 9
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@tikya8:

I understand where you are coming from. 

But He must have asked to marry you? right? If he didn’t he would not have asked. As far as him not being interested, I think it’s just a guy thing. they don’t care what color the invitatons are, it all looks the same to them. That’s what your MOH is for.

I was feeling the same way myself until I finally gave in and asked my FI flat out if he really wanted to get married because he doesn’t seem to interested in the planning….He says to me, “I booked and put the deposit down on the venue, didn’t I?”….it’s not a romantic answer but to my FI it was a perfectly reasonable answer.  If you have doubts, just ask! No point in being paranoid if you can resolve it.

You also said it’s ESPN, that’s the sports TV channel, right? If so, there is your answer. There is always some sport event going on.

Post # 10
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good Luck and Best wishes!

Post # 11
Member
6714 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@tikya8:

 

“Afraid” to wait another month?  What?  What is the panic about this wedding?

Post # 12
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If you have been planning this wedding for awhile and have been looking forward to it, having to cancel it is a pretty significant shock and it is completely understandable that you were initially disappointed.

i’m a bit concerned about the posts describing your FI’s indifference.  Is he indifferent to the actual details of wedding planning?  A lot of guys don’t care about flowers, invitations or other details, but love their brides and are excited to be married to them.  Other times, indifference to planning indicates genuine concerns about the marriage.  If you believe your FI has been indifferent to wedding planning just because he doesn’t care about color schemes or bridesmaid dresses, then I would agree with your sister that you should plan a small private wedding ceremony, and have a larger celebration later. 

Post # 14
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

To me it sounds like maybe he wasn’t even ready to get married since you told him get engaged or get out basically. I think you need to postpone to work on your relationship to make sure that he really wants to get married.  I don’t mean to be a party pooper but some older guys may never want to get married since they are set in their ways.

I understand him wanting to get settled in this position since it is highly competitive and he doesn’t officially have a job until they chose either him or the other guy.  Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so confused, it is in 20 days, but you haven’t sent out invitations? 

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