Post # 1
So let me give a little info on our wedding..
We got engaged last year in May. Right away i started talking about it because i was excited. Well my fiance really doesnt have much to say when i ask him a question regarding our wedding. So i just started doing things on my own. Well our first wedding date was April 21, 2012. Well we postponed that date because I lost my job and we couldnt afford it. Once i got another job, we picked out our new date…September 8, 2012. Which at the time was 6 months away, which i thought was plenty of time.
Well we went out and bought almost everything for our backyard wedding. My girls got their dresses and we had our invitations printed, then my fiance told me he didnt want to get married yet. That stop me right in my tracks! I was shocked, we spent so much money on everything, then 4 months away from the wedding you tell me your not ready! He says he has cold feet, and that we are rushing into the wedding (which personally i dont think a yr and 4 months later is rushing???) So now what do i do?? I have to tell everyone that we are postponing it AGAIN!!! My parents are kind of pissed off. But my fiance says we just need more time, and he doesnt want to have a backyard wedding, he wants to have a nice venue and everything like that. Which is great because i do to, but we are paying for this on our own, we cant afford a $7,000 wedding. Our orginal budget was $1,500.
I just want to go through with the wedding, but he wont do it, and gets pissed off everytime i mention it. So i let the subject go, and I pretend that im ok with it. I dont want to lose him over a stupid wedding. I’m just disappionted, I was so excited and then in a matter of seconds im crushed. I just hope we can save up money to have the wedding he really wants. But we dont have the best jobs in the world, so this could take a while.
Post # 3
I’m sure this is sooo frustrating. But, look on the bright side: You can now work towards your dream wedding! If he really is postponing to have the wedding of his (and your) dreams I think that is important. Women always say that they want to look back on their wedding and know that it was perfect and maybe your man feels the same way. I know the feeling of just wanting to say eff it all let’s just be married already (1.5 year engagement here!) but when it comes down to it, I still have my guy, we still are in love, and I know we will be married eventually; we just want to save up a bit more $
Post # 4
He’s postponed the wedding twice? Those are some big red flags.
I would be concerned that if you decide to work towards a big wedding he’ll find a reason to postpone that too.
Does he really want to get married?
Post # 5
@PamelaBrit: I know in the end I will be glad we did. But i just wish he would of told me sooner. I just hope saving money is easier when we dont have a deadline.
@GroovyHippieChick: Yes he really wants to get married, but he just wants everything to be perfect. I’m the type of person that just wants to get it over with.
Post # 6
I would be concerned, too. But, I think both parties have reasons to be concerned.
Bride-to-be, he’s indicating he’s not ready and that’s a shock to you. Do you think his expectation for a more formal wedding is just an excuse to put it off, or do you think he might actually want something different? You might not be able to afford that kind of wedding right now, but you should be able to save over time for one. At the very least, he isn’t communicating well with you; at worst, he’s actually got cold feet with no signs of warming them up.
For your groom-to-be, he’s in the position of getting engaged to a woman who, according to her original post, just started going full steam ahead with wedding planning without actually having a serious conversation about expectations of not just the wedding, but an engagement timeline. If he was expecting to take things a bit slower, he might have developed cold feet at the perception of a woman just trying to drag him down an aisle at the earliest possible time.
I guess what I’m trying to point out is that in your first post, OP, you said you asked him a question and didn’t get the kind of answer you expected so you went full bore trying to plan what you wanted when you wanted. That can create pressure. He also might not have really had a grasp on just how much you put together if you two weren’t communicating clearly.
It sounds like you two need to take a step back from thinking about a wedding and focus instead on communication in the relationship. That is far more important to a marriage than the actual party. So, yeah, there are red flags, but none that have to actually end the relationship at this point.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It must be extremely frustrating to be told one thing and then another when you’re so far into it.
Your parents may be pissed because of the back and forth, but they’ll get over it. If both of you want a different wedding than what you’re planning right now, they’ll agree this is for the best. They’ll want you to have the wedding you want!
It’s definitely a good idea to sit down with Fiance and discuss what exactly you both want. I understand you want to get it over with, but he should have the wedding he wants as well. It may take time to save up that money, but it’ll be well worth it for you both.
Post # 8
@LibertyBelle: Everything you said makes sense and is probably true. Non eof it was hurtful so thank you for saying it kindly. This is why i had to post this is because someone can tell me what going on without me seeing it.
@thejill: Yes we will talk about it, I just want to give him time to calm down before i mention anything.
Post # 9
@s.renea9: Maybe you were moving a little to fast I did the same thing. Our Wedding date is set for Sept. as well. He did get a case of the cold feet for about two weeks but got over it. I sit down with Fiance and told him just how it make me feel that he was feeling this way. I explained to him that I understood how he felt to and that we both needed to take each others feeling into consideration and try to meet in the middle. He soon changed his tune. I think it is normal that one or both get cold feet at some point. But someone once told me that if this last for more than a month it raises a red flag. You should ask him how he feels when he starts thinking about marring you. Tell him to say the first words that pop into his head or maybe write them down. This might help. I know this hurts girl and I wish you all the luck in the world! Keep us posted!!
Post # 10
@CodijoC: I honestly think guys get more nervous then the girls when it comes to marriage. Hes fine now that we are waiting longer. And our relationasip isnt as stressful. So i guess we just needed more time. BUt i’m glad evething is working out for yall.
Reading everyones answers really helped me understand what was going on. BUt im actually kinda of happy we are waiting. That way we can finally get our engagment pictures done and save up for a honeymoon. So i guess in the end it all worked out, I just couldnt see past the wedding to notice anything else. My eyes & ears are now open.
Post # 11
OP, this kind of alarms me a bit :I just want to go through with the wedding. Honey, it’s not something you ‘just go through with’, it’s not getting your teeth cleaned.
I say that his hesitation is valid (1.4 isn’t 3 years, darlin, and you started planning right away) and you might not be thinking clearly if you’re more worried about the wedding rather than your fiance’s feelings. I have to agree with LibertyBelle, that its probably best for you to chillax and get back on track with your beau first before continuing to plan the wedding.
Everybody else who is getting frustrated can just deal with it. It has nothing to do with them, know what I mean?
Post # 12
If he didn’t want a backyard wedding, the appropriate time to tell you that would have been before you ordered invitations and had the girls get their dresses. People make mistakes, and so if that really is the reason he wants to put it off the wedding, then fine. But if its more about him having cold feet, then he shouldn’t blame it on the fact that you can’t afford the wedding of his dreams.
And I have to disagree with PP. Wedding planning can be a pain in the a**. Some people just don’t like it, and just want to get it over with. That doesn’t mean its a red flag for the relationship. Some people just don’t care as much about monogramed lace hankerchiefs as much as most of us on WB do. Those people aren’t on WB (usually) because its just not their scene. So, OP, I understand how if you’ve started planning this wedd–twice–how you would just want to get it over with.
Post # 13
I see a red flag…for him to not say anything throughout the whole planning process about the low key ideas you had that were coming together right infront of him…only when it got closer did he mention how against it he was?
Either he has a sudden pride issue about wanting to look like you guys are well off and he can support you like a man should (with a lavish wedding i guess?)
OR I first thought that he may have second thoughts…that’s what I really think but who knows! Has he been acting weird lately?
Post # 14
I’m actually confused…because you posted a few posts down on another thread you created a week ago..that your fiance would just do a courthouse wedding. But now you’re saying he wants a big reception?
Post # 15
@BellaDee: girl he can never decide on what he wants. with anything!!! i told him he is giving me wiplash from how aften he changes his mind! We were going to do a courthouse but i dont want that. then we thought a beach wedding with just the two of us and a big reception later on at our house. Now he wants us to have a wedding to remember (meaning everything is going to be big). I’m pretty much happy with whatever we do. But i think we decided to just let it go for now, and when we know, we know.
Post # 16
Oh ok…so the wedding is still postponed? I saw your new thread about changing your wedding dress because you lost weight! So where does the wedding date stand??