Post # 1
So my walk date is almost here and SO has confessed to being a clueless deer-in-headlights when it comes to the big purchase. He seemed to think that one popped into a jewelry store, pointed to something and walked out with a ring a few minutes later.
I’m going through a lot with work and my mother’s cancer, so the wise thing to do is extend. We’d like to fully enjoy the excitement of an engagement. I want to share the news with my mother when she is feeling well and able to enjoy a piece of good news in what has been a rough couple of years.
He suggested we turn my walk day into an engagment ring shopping date day. We’ve agreed that 3 more months would mean that we could afford my dream ring. We’re close enough that it seems impatient to spend so much money on an iffy ring.
Here’s to another few months of the waiting roller coaster. I hope it’s easier than the last few months.
Post # 3
@LeenieBee: OMG, it will so be easier because you know it’s coming and soon!! At least he came to you and you guys are going ring shopping together and you’re going to have your dream ring!! This is GREAT news. I’m sorry to hear about your mom and I hope she has a full recovery soon! Good luck!
Post # 5
i think the whole idea of a ‘walk date’ is ridiculous.
either you love him enough to be with him regardless of when (or even IF) he proposes, or you don’t. and if you don’t, he’s probably not the one you should get married to anyway.
and if it’s ‘engagement by this date’ or nothing, then maybe you should forget about a ring and just propose to him.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@rosworms: +1. Even though I do think that a walk date could make sense if we’re talking about “he doesn’t know if he wants to settle down and get married/have kids, and I want to have kids in wedlock”, if you know he’s going to propose to you, I don’t understand it, especially if he knows about it. But I am happy for you that it seems that it will happen soon
Post # 7
@LeenieBee: He sounds just like my guy when it comes to buying a ring! When I told him it would take at least 6 weeks for a ring to be made, he was flabbergasted. He had no idea the process took so long! Good thing I told him or he would have thought he could get a ring in a weeks time haha. I think your waiting should defintely be easier now! Now you can go look at rings together and know that not only is it coming in the next few months, but you will have the ring of your dreams. I hope the next few waiting months go fast for you! I also hope that things go well for your mother and she starts feeling better and can share in the happy news of your engagement when she is feeling well!
Post # 8
@rosworms: I don’t love anyone enough to commit to being a live-in girlfriend with no end in sight. I’m 33. I want a family. I’d rather make that clear than have the ability to say “oh well, at least I’m a cool girlfriend who will sacrifice marriage and a family for a man who can’t or won’t marry me”. Putting a man who doesn’t want to marry ahead of a desire to have a family might work for some. I’m sure that it does give some people a feeling of sacrifice and unconditional love. I’m sure they go on to have wonderful, passionate relationships unburdoned by convention. It’s just not for me.
The walk date is more of a “lets make sure we are on the same page” deadline. If it was a hard ultimatum, he’d be moving out in 2 weeks. After 3 years a 36 year-old man should know whether he wants to commit. If he’s unsure or doesn’t want to, he shouldn’t. . .I’m OK with not being the one for him. I just want to know soon. I don’t want to stick around for a man who is staying in a relationship because it’s easier than breaking up (He’s admitted to doing this with his ex. . .she waited 7 years)
Post # 9
@LeenieBee: I completley agree with you 100% on this. I have seen too many of my friends get stuck in terribly long relationships with no hope for ever getting married. Nobody wants to be a forever girlfriend. I love my guy more than anything, but I’m not sacrificing my dream of getting married and having kids. After a certain amount of time, you know if you want to commit. And if you don’t, that’s fine but I wouldn’t stick around no matter how much I love someone. You put this in words a lot better than I ever could though!
Post # 10
@EmilyJoy: Thanks! Men are so funny. I do find the cluelessness endearing. I feel like I can slow down a bit and enjoy now that the pressure is off of both of us.
Post # 11
@LeenieBee: Your explanation of a walk date makes a bit more sense than other’s I’ve seen on the site. And it’s good that you haven’t viewed it as an all or nothing kind of date. Now that you guys are on the same page wait and see what happens. If he hasn’t done it by your next date then go ahead and have another talk about it and see why it hasn’t happened yet.
Personally, I’ve given my boyfriend until this summer to propose. . . but it’s not a “Walking” Deadline. I told him that if he hadn’t proposed by then (September will be our 6th anniversary) I would not be moving in with him as originally planned (we’re looking to buy our first place this summer). I will still visit and stay over occasionally, but I won’t move in unless we’re engaged. I’m really not old-fashioned about a lot of stuff, but it would make me feel a bit more secure with the idea of living together.
I’m fortunate that he completely understood and that he agreed that was fair. He’s already told me that he wants to propose before then anyway, so I think it will work out in the end.
Post # 12
Sounds like you’ve done a good job of taking care of your own needs and communicating them to your SO. I hope you can find a ring you LOVE and I’m sorry to hear about your mother, that’s really hard. I hope she makes a quick & complete recovery.
Post # 13
@LeenieBee: Can I ask: of you’re so desperate for a proposal that you’d walk out on him then why not just propose yourself? As a pp said the odea of a walk out date is ridiculous.
Post # 14
@LeenieBee: I feel like we could be twins. I’m the same age as you, my SO is also older, and I’m feeling the marriage/family clock winding down more than some others might. Also my SO let the other girl sit around for almost a decade so…no.
Did he ever talk to the previous gf about marriage and stuff? I find some consolation in the fact that mine didn’t, but he does with me. That and he’s very aware of our biological limitations too, not just me.
Post # 15
He can propose without a ring, it still counts.
Post # 16
@rosworms: I don’t think this makes much sense.
You said “either you love him enough to be with him regardless of when (or even IF) he proposes, or you don’t. and if you don’t, he’s probably not the one you should get married to anyway.”
Well, if that’s true, shouldn’t the converse be true as well: Shouldn’t he either love her enough to marry her regardless of whether he is absolutely in love with the institution of marriage or not, and if he doesn’t love her enough to make that sacrifice, perhaps she isn’t the one he should be continuing in a relationship with?
Why should she be expected to give up her dreams of marriage just because he might not be comfortable with the idea? Wouldn’t a better question be “Why would a man who is completely in love with a woman and why wants to spend the rest of his life with her not want to marry her? And why would a woman want to stay with a man who doesn’t love her that much? And shouldn’t a woman be entitled to know which category she fits into after a reasonable amount of time?”
If a my FI hadn’t loved me enough to marry me, I would probably have decided I didn’t love him enough to stick around without him making that commitment. I have no idea why one is OK and not the other, but I really don’t feel the idea of a woman giving up her dreams of marriage without expecting any similar sort sacrifice from the man is very fair.