Postponing my wedding after my brother's passing..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I can’t even imagine what you are going through.  This is such a personal decsion.  17 is way too young.  Maybe you just need more time.   That isn’t a bad thing.

Post # 4
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think it would be a bad idea to postpone it again, especially if you don’t have vendors booked for that day yet.  A friend of mine had to get married 3 days after the mother of the groom was involved in a car accident that left her in a coma from which she eventually died.  If they could have put off the wedding, I think they probably would have, but that wasn’t really a viable option for them.  Your wedding should be what you want it to be, and you have plenty of time to get married.  Do what you think you will be most comfortable with.

Post # 5
Member
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry for your loss.

In terms of commemorating him during the wedding it might be best to do something subtle. I’ve heard people doing reading for passed loved ones, and while I think it’s sweet I know that I would just not be able to do so without breaking down in tears. So, what we did for our wedding was just adding a line to our ceremony programs:

It’s a little hard to read, but it says, “We remember… Regretfully, some of our loved ones are no longer with us. You are here in our hearts, now and forever”.

The day after the wedding I took my wedding bouquet to my grandpa’s grave. I had originally planned to do this right after the ceremony, but grandma asked me to postpone it one day as she said that he wouldn’t have wanted me to cry of sadness on my wedding day. I’m so glad I went there with it, it made me feel like he was sharing the day with me a little.

Post # 6
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.  I will pray for you and your family to be comforted during this time.  Second, like a PP said, maybe postponing it out a little further is a good idea?  At the wedding, my suggestion would be to have a seat with a rose on it in his honor.  If you’re  doing bulletins, you could also put a loving statement to him on the back.  We did that for DH’s dad.  I think that would honor your brother without making people cry too much.

 

Again, my heart is truly saddened for you and I am praying for you right now.

Post # 8
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@danisalci13:  I am so incredibly sorry for your loss for you and all your loved ones. I also lost my brother when he was only 17 and no far too well the pain of losing someone so young. As to remembering your brother on your wedding day, I’ve come up with some ideas that I will be doing on mine. 

I WAS going to do a flower on a seat, but then decided against it, as I think it would be extremely difficult to look at the empty seat all night (personal preference). So what I’m doing is having a charm made with my favorite picture of him and attaching it to my bouquet, having an extra boutenierre made (since he would’ve definitely been a part of our wedding party) and taking it to his grave (haven’t figured out timing for that) and for the reception I WAS going to play our song, but then decided against that too because I have a hard time listening to it as it is. We’re doing a s’mores bar and my brothers favorite candy/chocolate was Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, so we’re using it as one of options for the guests. 

 

For my best friends wedding, she had white roses and during their ceremony they honored their loved ones who were no longer with them and passed the roses to their wives/mothers. 

 

This is is a difficult time for you and I can only imagine how heart breaking it is to try and plan your wedding now. If you need anything or just to talk, feel free to private message me. 

Post # 9
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@danisalci13:  I have no advice for you about the wedding, but I wanted to extend my sympathies to you about the loss of your brother.  My younger brother died suddenly this past weekend and the grief is just awful. Do whatever feels right for you and know that your friends and family will understand. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

First off, my deepest condolences to you and your family. I cant even imagine what pain you are all going through. I had a close friend lose her mother to a heart attack 2 months before her wedding. It was so heartbreaking for her but they still got married. They had a seat with a framed photo of her mother and after the ceremony they released doves in her mothers memory. The reception was bitter sweet, they laughed and cried during the toast and speeches. You will break down that day. Everyone will but this day will also bring joy to everyone. Its up to you if you want to postpone again at the end. I wish you nothing but the best and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Post # 11
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@danisalci13:  *Hugs* I am so sorry for your loss.

All I can say, is : life goes on. It will, no matter how painful it is for you and your family right now. If February is still too soon for you, postpone your wedding again. You know better than anyone if you’re ready or not to get married, or if it’s still too painful and you still need time. But if you feel ready to get married, do not feel it’s inappropriate to bring up the wedding to your guests. It won’t. Nobody will judge you or think you do not mourn your brother properly because you’re going forth with your wedding plans. Happiness and joy have their place, even through mourning and sorrow. And I’m sure most people will think this is what your brother would have liked you to do. 

Maybe have a candle of rememberance for your brother ? This way, you will not have to ”mention” him which would make you break down (and your guests too), but this way it would be discreet, and maybe your guests will think they do not have to discuss the matter either, since the candle is there and speaks for everybody ? The idea is not to ”forget” your brother or to ”ban” him from conversations, but rather to use a powerful symbol to represent what you’d like to say, so you don’t have to and it won’t distract you from your happy event. 

 

Post # 12
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I suddenly lost my brother and only sibling last year, just as my FI and I got engaged. Unfortunately they never had the opportunity to meet. I do know what you are going through, and as a sibling it is the hardest thing. It is an unbelievable hole in our lives that nothing will be able to fill, and I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

Wedding planning was something I had to force myself in to. It has kept me functioning day to day–not to say that I don’t cry all the time, because I do. He would not want you to put your life on hold for him, as much as that’s all you want to do. My wedding plans have become so centered around family, love and appreciation of what we have since this happened. It was definitely hard at first to bring up anything about the wedding to my family because it did feel selfish, but in the end they were the ones asking me, because it has become a way for them to escape as well.

i still don’t know what to do to commemorate my brother on our day… I really want to be happy and not cry but I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t say or do something. I am thinking of having his picture framed and placed on a table with flowers and a candle that we will keep burning for the whole length (11 hours) of the event.

Please feel free to message me. I would love to bounce around ideas with you. I would also love to help in any way I can. Again, I am so sorry.

Post # 13
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@danisalci13:  I would go through with it. It’ll probably be good for everyone to have a celebration in this time of sadness. I don’t know why you are going through, but I know that I would be so incredibly upset if my brother passed away, but hes not going to want you to mourn and be sad forever. Your family understands and it seems like they want you to go through with this wedding, so just try to enjoy it

Post # 15
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@danisalci13:  I think that’s a beautiful tribute to your brother 🙂

Post # 16
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think it’s perfect.  

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