Post # 1
My FI and I have had a very short engagement – only 6 months, and our wedding is 2 months away. We’re both in the middle of our final year masters courses, and are feeling the pressure of the wedding! We’re stressed all the time and are really not enjoying the engagement process, which is such a shame because i feel it should be a really happy time. We’ve decided to postpone the wedding for 6 months, until after our courses have finished, to get our relationship back, and already the benifits are showing!
However we still have to tell our guests. Obviously the invites have already gone out, and some people are even flying in from US and Oz to be there (we’re in UK) How should we announce that we are postponing our wedding because we’re too stressed with the wedding plans, and want to enjoy our engagement more? We feel this is a really valid reason and will be really valuable to our marriage relationship (not starting out on the wrong foot etc) but how do we tell people succinctly, while ackowledging their inconvenience?
Post # 3
I think you should think a little harder about your decision to postpone your wedding. The engagement is far from the exciting part, it’s the marriage that you should be focusing on. Have you looked into a hiring a wedding planner? It sounds like you are a couple who could really benefit from their services. I think their are other options for you. I just don’t think your family and friends are going to be very understanding given your reason. These people may have already spent $1000+ on your wedding, some or all of that may be unrefundable. You may need to understand that some may choose not to come to the rescheduled wedding.
Of course, if there are other reasons that you are rescheduling, other reasons that you would not want to discuss, then maybe you have a good case, but please, think hard first!
Post # 4
Yikes, if you have people that have already spent thousands on your wedding the "I got too busy" thing sounds really bad. I had a friend do that and I personally thought it was really inconsiderate. You have two months – you should see if you can hire someone to help out – you spending $1000 to save your guests many times that seems like the right thing to do!
Post # 5
I agree with Niki. Sorry.
The first thing I thought was if these folks booked flights, will they be able to reschedule them or get their money back? Also, really no offense, if your stress is having the wedding while in school, it seems like you should have been able to see that coming when you set you date. And likewise, if there are other reasons you aren’t mentioning, then that might be a different story.
I know the advice you wee looking for was about wording it to guests. But I guess I gave my opinion on what really stood out as important.
Please consider a coordinator. Good luck.
Post # 6
Agree with all others – it is a bad, bad idea to cancel when invites have gone out and people have purchased international airfare (yikes!!). Bad idea IF the only reason is that you “want to be engaged longer” or are “too busy to plan”. If you are having doubts about the relationship or any aspect of the marriage, then by all means get that worked out. But, if you cancel just because you are a busy grad student, you will have many no-shows when the wedding is rescheduled I think. Is that what you want?
Post # 7
Honestly, I think you might have some unrealistic expectations about how fun being engaged is supposed to be. Wedding planning is stressful, and the last few months are the worst. Most people have longer engagements and so they see the fun "enjoy it" time at the beginning and then the stressfulness at the end when things actually need to get done. I had a short engagement too (7 months) and also found my engagement to be more stressful than not. Let me tell you though, being married is where it’s at! My husband and I experienced a huge boost to our relationship once the wedding was over…and why wouldn’t we, when a huge stressor had suddenly disappeared?
Postponing your wedding is not going to eliminate the stress, it will only postpone it. There will always be work, or school, or life that gets in the way. As it comes down to the wire, pretty much everyone feels like we eat and breathe our weddings and yes, it can cause stress in your relationship.
How far canceled/postponed are your plans? I agree with the previous posters that you should consider scaling down your plans or hiring a coordinator before you postpone your wedding. Trans-atlantic plane tickets are expensive and usually nonrefundable. By postponing you risk incurring the ire of many guests and they may not be able to come at all now depending on ticket prices. So if postponing is really the decision you have to make, be prepared for some unhappy responses. Ultimately though you need to make the best decision for you regardless of others’ opinions, including ours. Just be prepared, and good luck!
Post # 8
I agree with what others have said about reconsidering if at all possible. I am in my first year of professional school, taking 22-23 credits per semester, and with 4 months left until the wedding I am really stressing out too, but I just try to keep in mind that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. When we first got engaged I was so excited and happy about the wedding but for the past month or so I’ve been feeling like I’m ready to just get it over with and I still have 4 whole months left! Just think, if you get married in 2 months you will no longer have that stress hanging over you and you can enjoy your marriage which is what it’s really all about. (And you could graduate with your new last name! I don’t know about you, but I am really excited to take my husbands last name.)
That being said, if you think getting married in 2 months is more than just a rough patch and could truely jepordize your relationship then yes, you should postpone. I’m not the best with words so I don’t think I can be of any help there, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and short of time! Best of luck!
Post # 9
I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but I agree that you should reconsider postponing your date at this point, especially if your guests have already booked very expensive flights. If your budget is tight, would either of your parents be willing to pitch in for you to have a small package with a coordinator? At this point, it seems like you could just do a la carte services or a planner’s smallest package and be fine. Planning is absolutely stressful, and the other posters are right in that this is the hardest part. Get through it, focus on strengthening your relationship WHILE making this wedding happen (and if your relationship can’t handle the stress of school + wedding planning, you might want to think about how much more stressful life can be when you have kids, a mortgage, etc. and figure out how you’ll approach it – those are things you can’t just put off and deal with later).
Best of luck to you. I hope you’ll let us know what you’ve decided.
Post # 10
I agree with the others – I think you need to be very careful about postponing. I say that because I think the only way to word this is with complete honesty – people who are potentially losing a thousand dollars on flights deserve to know that you are postponing the wedding to work on your relationship.
The reason I say you need to think about it is because – these people don’t know the particulars of your relationship, that you’re stressed, your engagement was too short, etc. They just know you hit a rough patch and they’ll come up with their own conclusions. Maybe you don’t care, but I wouldn’t want everyone I knew to be speculating on the state of my relationship. They will remember, no matter how long you stay married, that you had to propose the wedding.
And lastly (a lot of "advice", I know) I have not found wedding planning to be that fun. Some parts are, but some parts are so stressful you want to pull your and your fiancee’s hair out. Just get the wedding over with and get the good part started.
Post # 11
Since you have a lot of advice in the previous comments, I just offer this link to an article about postponing or canceling a wedding.
Essentially, the article says if invitations have gone out, you (or your fiance, or your families) should call each guest. A few other things I saw suggest you do not need to explain why you are postponing, but it might be helpful to come up with a stock response.
Additionally, you may want to have a new date planned and set. This would enable guests to change their flights, instead of cancel them, and could prevent tongues wagging about the state of your relationship. Lastly, I wish you the best of luck, and hope you’ll keep us posted on how things work out.
Post # 12
Thank you all for your constructive comments. I will let you know what happens!
Post # 13
I should have added that if you do decide to postpone, you should call all your guests who will be traveling from out of town personally to inform them of the new date. Guests who are local can be notified by telephone as well or through the mail.
I would be intentionally vague as to why you are postponing. I would go with "serious personal reasons" and tell them you give them your sincere apologies and hope that they are still able to make it, but you understand if they cannot. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone, and giving out lots of information (we’re busy, we’re stressed, etc.) just invites others to second guess your decision when it’s not their decision to make. Like I said, depending on the proportion of out-of-towners, you may get a good deal of negative reactions, so be prepared to be strong. My vote is still to have the wedding as scheduled, but you are the one getting married, so you need to do what’s right for you.
Post # 14
I know that people have already given you a lot of advice and sounds like you are considering things, but I just wanted to add that if you do decide to keep the wedding date, just remember, you can do it! Simplify everything, cut out the unnecessary things (i.e. forget the slideshow, specialty flutes, etc.), hire a coordinator if you can, eliminate the diy projects that would make things pretty but add to your stress level, and have a wedding that focuses on the most important thing–your union and celebration with loved ones. That means different things to different people, but I do believe that even with your very busy schedule and stressed-out emotional state, you can have a perfectly lovely and simpler wedding.
Post # 15
Froo, keep us updated. I am interested to see what you have decided.
Post # 15
I literally cannot disagree more. What you’re describing is incredibly selfish. If you are an invitee to the wedding, shame on you. These two individuals invited you to their celebration of beginning life with one another and if they’re not ready, they are not ready. It’s not about you; it’s about THEM. You should not put money and travel arrangements above this huge commitment they’re about to make. Goodness gracious.