Post # 1
Today is May 19th and our wedding is in 24 days, June 12th.
Last week, 6 days ago to be exact, I found out that my mom was scheduled for brain surgery that day. This was scheduled 2 weeks prior to the actually surgery date. Due to problems that my family has with me, they didn’t tell me until the day of. The surgery was to remove a cancerous tumor, which has been done. But recovery will take time. I’m stil unsure if I want to be celebrating while my mother is sick. If we do postpone, there are fees but that can be dealt with, its more of an emotioanl battle with me. My parents still unapprove of the wedding and it will give them more time to badger me with the "there’s still time to reconsider"lecture. They may think that its not due to my mom’s health rather, that my FI is not ready.
My question for all you is, should I postpone the wedding this far in? Or should I just change it to a church and no reception? If I do postpone, what do I do with the gifts that have already come in?
Note: my parents were not going to be coming to the wedding.
Post # 3
I’m sorry to hear about your mom, but it sounds like she’s on the road to recovery, so that’s good. It also sounds like you have a tough relationship with your family, but you still care deeply for them. If they weren’t coming to the wedding anyway, I think it’s fine to go ahead if that’s what you want. If you don’t feel like it’s the right time, then postpone. If it were me, I’d probably go ahead. If you’re uncomfortable with the big party after, then just have an intimate ceremony with cake and punch after at the church. If you postone, I think it’s still okay to keep the presents, you’ll send a thank you note after the wedding. If it gets cancled, that’s when you’d have to return the gifts to the giver.
Post # 4
I know you said in several places that you have family issues and your parents weren’t/aren’t coming to the wedding. Could you still tlak to them about it-or is it in such a place where they will just use it as another place to tell you you shuldn’t get married? I think if you do decide to go ahead, that you should try and at least tell them you are thinking of your mom, maybe even send her your bouquet or something afterwards? I’m sure this must be difficult for you on many levels. hang in there!
Post # 5
I think this is a *really* hard situation. Do you have any brothers and sisters that you are close with that you can talk to about this? They may know the ins and outs better and be able to give you more informed advice.
I know that one of my dear friends in college was planning an inter-religious Indian marriage and her parents went completely over the top to try and stop things. The stress that it put on her was massive.
I can’t say that your parents will come around for certain, but often their love for their child overcomes disapproval *eventually*. Unfortunately, as you highlight "They may think that its not due to my mom’s health rather, that my fi is not ready."– They are going to spin your decision in a way that supports their thinking.
Now with your mom being sick, there is suddenly immediacy to the reconcilliation process. She is ill, and the prognosis is uncertain. What does your gut reaction tell you? What does your fiance say? Are you close with his family?
From my perspective, I feel that one thing that your parents have concerns about is that your fiance "wasn’t ready" when they were ready to get your marriage set up. To have you and your fiance be very consistent in your actions might be the most helpful and positively reinforcing action that you could do… but I’m hesitant to advise anything, as I’m certainly not qualified to navigate the politics of South Indian family issues.
I wish you peace with whatever decision you make.
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice.
@kara: I’m having trouble trying to talk to them about it. I fear that they will bring up the topic that I shouldn’t get married anyways topic. I’ve been in and out of the hostpital while she recovers, helping out, so I see her and my family daily right now.
Post # 7
doctorgirl, I think if the approval with my parents were not an issue, I would have no doubts on postponing, even though I don’t want to. I talked to my cousin who thinks I should stick with the date and make sure to tell all in the extended family (which my parents haven’t done since they don’t approve). I feel selfish for even spending so much time thinking about this. And my parents have already called me a selfish person for not listening to them about the marriage, when it would be for my own good and thinking of myself before my family.
I’m just unsure of what to do because of the complicated mess I feel like I am in.
Post # 8
I’m so sorry that it’s such a crummy situation. Stay focused on the goal and the love between you and your fiance, and do your best to take care of yourself.
Parents have a funny way of showing their love sometimes, don’t they?