Post # 1
My fiance and I had a big fight this morning.
Back Story: We’re actually pretty great together. We live and work together (he owns a business that I help him run) and therefore spend 90% of our time together… I think we do pretty good for living and working together! But, we’re not immune to issues and so therefore we had a huge fight this AM.
My major problem is that he criticizes me over the littlest things (yesterday in the span of 5 minutes he got mad at the way I merged onto the interstate, brought up the fact that I left on the bathroom light that morning and he had to turn it off, and I brought up 3 new receipes I was going to try and he had problems with 2 of them – which is BS because just last week we both decided he would keep his mouth shut on the food I make because I am just learning to cook and he’s just happy I’m learning) These are such little things but he has to nitpick EVERYTHING.. It drives me insane! I’m very sensitive, very proud and very stubborn — do I need to learn to just ignore it? He doesn’t nitpick me all the time, just when he’s annoyed at me.
His major problem with me is that he feels I don’t respect him by doing these little things that I do (like forgetting to turn the light off) Like, he thinks I’m being malicious or personal when really I’m just ditzy and forgetful. The fight this morning was lots of tears on both ends. I told him I wanted to break up because it seems like the never-ending fight. He was REALLY upset at that. He does NOT want to break up. I don’t know why I said that, because I don’t want to break up either. We decided we needed to take a break so he went for a drive. I took a bath and watched movies in bed. When he came back we were much calmer. I told him that I felt our problems could be worked out (I feel like I always say that..) and he told me he doesn’t want to rush into marriage and maybe we should postpone the wedding so we could work through the issues.
oops, posted before I was done… I will ETA in a second. I’m looking for thoughts on postponing a wedding when you don’t want to break up with the person.
We have more time to work out our issues before taking the leap.
I enjoy being engaged and always thought 9 months was too short of an engagement (FI pushed for a short engagement because he was so excited to marry me)
By not doing DW, I get the dream venue and local vendors I wanted originally but was talked into DW by fiance. We would not beable to do a DW again so we’d stick with a local wedding.
Cons: I feel that though we have issues, they are not relationship ending.
Our DW is still 3 months away and I feel we can work on things before then.
We have already spent 4000.00 which we would not get back. However, the wedding would cost close to 20,000.00 so that’s minimal.
Several people have bought non refundable tickets/hotel rooms. If we were to reimburse them, that would probably be close to 10,000.00
Do you think we should postpone or do you think we should try to work our relationship out for the next month (before any big payments are due) and see if things get better?
Post # 3
I’m sorry to hear you and your FI are fighting so much. I think it’s a good idea to postpone the wedding until you both get on the same page. Marriage is not some magical thing that will fix all of your problems. It’s best to sort them out before making a commitment to one another.
Post # 4
@Brideonabudgetlauren: I know. This just happened and I’m trying to gather my thoughts. I’m gonna call my mom and see what she thinks. I’m just so embarrased for all the people who have spent 1000s to come see us get married…. The thing is I know we will be happy together… We don’t have major issues… We’re just fighting so much related to stressful things (business related) and it’s spilling over into our relationship. Our business is seasonal and is closing this Sunday until next Spring so that will also take a huge weight off our shoulders relating to how much we’ve been fighting.
I am finally going to be doing my own thing next year so we will not be working together and I think that will be a HUGE change for us.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
If you’re posting on a wedding forum doubs about marrying this guy, I’d say that is a big warning sign.
Life doesn’t tend to get easier even if work quiets down. I’m sorry, girl!
Post # 6
I think he definitely needs to learn to not take everything so personally. I think that unless someone genuinely means it, they should never throw out the break up or divorce option, no matter how upset they are.
Once the business is closed, can you schedule a little time away together? Even if it’s just a weekend at a local B&B? It sounds like you guys could really use some time to decompress and spend quality time together not thinking about work.
It might be a good idea to establish some ground rules for disagreements. If he’s annoyed at you, then he should just tell you what his issue is. Nitpicking you isn’t fair, and isn’t conducive to a healthy relationship. Likewise, threatening to break up sends the message that you entertain the idea of walking away (even if you don’t really mean it, that’s what he’s hearing) and that’s not healthy either.
Post # 7
I think counseling would be a very, very good idea for both of you. Couple’s counseling (I really recommend a non-denominational counselor) will help you work together on your communication as well as taking responsibility for your feelings (like your sensitivity to his comments, and his thinking that your forgetfulness is personal against him!). He needs to learn that if he has an issue, he needs to talk about it like an adult, instead of nitpicking or assuming you are malicious. You need to learn not to threaten to break up unless you actually intend to follow through and also to not allow his nitpicking to attack you personally!
Postponing is up to the both of you. I do think that these are things that need to be resolved BEFORE a wedding though.
Post # 8
I don’t think your fight had anything to do with your interstate merging abilities, the bathroom light, or recipes. They were nothing more than the conduit for a fight. I think you all could really benefit from working apart, thus spending some time apart, and learning to communicate effectively.