(Closed) Potential Problem with a Bridesmaid (long)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

its your birthday, you invited her, shes not going – end of discussion.

yes it would be nice for him to see his friends after being away but if she declines on his behalf then thats her choice – dont engage her in negotiation and just carry on with your plans.  happy birthday and enjoy!   

dont give her any more attention/reaction and see if that changes her attitude once she realizes people will continue to have a good time without her

Post # 4
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

dropping a BM after theyve already been asked is kind of a big deal in my opinion, so give it a lot of thought and don’t make a quick decision. I unfortunately dropped one of my BM’s, after she did something that really really hurt me, and I knew there was no way our friendship would ever recover. I knew by asking her to step down our friendship would be done, but it had already ended in my opinion, after what she did. So, basically if you don’t want her friendship any longer and really think she could ruin your wedding day or just planning in general, then don’t have her. If you want to maintain your friendship and think you can move past this, then keep her 🙂 good luck with whatever you decide, because its a tough decision

Post # 5
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

whoops double post

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You seem highly irritated with her. In her and her boyfriend’s defence its a hard adjustment coming home, and he very well may not want to be there or may not be in the mood. I’m not the type to miss things or disappear but I’m long distance with my Fi and when I get to see him I have to bow out of certain events, even a brithday before! It is just a birthday, and while its a milestone it’s not a monumental event her man just came home from a war zone!

Is she being a bit bratty from how you described her yes, but put things in perspective. All of it seems petty and passive aggressive on both sides, if you guys are tolerating each other and friendship is really not that important to you just end the friendship and move on. However she seems to be in a stressful time and that may explain some of her behavior so think about it, once you make a decision make it as drama free as possible.

Post # 7
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I wouldn’t drop her yet. There is a reason you asked her to be a BM and maybe her best qualities aren’t shining through right now. However, you really need to have a direct talk with her. Kindly tell her the things she’s been doing that have been getting to you, so she at least knows. You owe her that. She may be unaware..OR if she’s doing them on purpose, someone needs to call her out. Honestly, if she is a real friend, you should be able to have a heart to heart with her. I am sure the outcome of that heart to heart will give indication to you whether to keep her as a BM or not.

Post # 9
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Looks like you need to set some healthy boundaries. 

Post # 10
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If it were me I would try to approach her about it; she could have handled things very differently, eg, had she said, thank you for the invite but to be honest I think the hookAh thing would make him uncomfortable just comming home from the mid east etc, you would have probably been a bitdisappointed but understanding and made other  plans. You can let her know you are genuinely sorry if she felt hurt; however, that wa not your intention, and in turn, you were a little hurt she hadn’t been more positive about your birthday (can’t believe what she said to you about that btw!!!)  watch her reaction; is she open to warm negotiation/ reconciliation? Yes? In which case there’s someone sincere under there’s who has let a mix of immaturity and insecurity rule her, but she may be willing to make amendz and worth keeping as both a friend and bridesmaid… If not… The following decisions may be a lot easier to handle. If shes a true friend worth th name she will be happy for you and ur fi (congratulations!!) and if she let’s her own life dissatisfaction stand in her way then I’m sad for her. Live and light!

Post # 11
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hey girl! I am so sorry that you are having issues with your BM.  I have BEEN there already and my MOH was demoted to BM.  And if she keeps avoiding every single event and get-together we have she will be to the registry.  But the funny thing was, when I demoted her she actually acted relieved.  She didn’t want the responsiblity. There are sooo many things that are going to stress you out as the wedding gets closer.  You need SUPPORT not ADDED stress.  I can see it coming, just drop her.  Tell her it’s alot of responsibility and you need more attention and more participation than she can provide.  Hope everything turns out great for you!

Post # 12
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

It sounds like there’s some major jealousy at play here – you are engaged and she’s not but wants to be, which can be a big bomb in these types of situations.  My BFF had ended a serious relationship about 8 months before I mentioned to her that me and my bf went ring shopping.  She acted super happy about it – for about 12 seconds – and then she flatly ended the convo with “I just can’t hear about weddings right now.”  I backed off and stopped discussing anything wedding-ish w/ her b/c I sympatheized with her feelings.  About 6 months later, my bf popped the question and I did call her to tell her and she seemed genuinely excited.  Give your friend some time if you have it before the wedding and maybe she’ll get used to the idea that you are getting married and it should be a happy occasion.  If she’s still doing stupid things like referring to your FI as your boyfriend just to annoy you and making a big deal over every little thing, then it’s clear she’s just not in the right frame of mind to be a wedding support system for you and you should have a serious face to face conversation about whether or not she should be in your wedding.  I definitely think the biggest problem is that she wishes she were the one getting hitched and she’s struggling to take part in your happy day without dragging her baggage along.  If she can’t just be happy for you without being upset about her circumstances, you don’t need that in your life.  A good friend of mine had a single girl as her MOH and only attendant and she later confided to me that the girl had moped and pouted and complained through most of the activities that should have been fun b/c she was single and didn’t think she’d ever meet anyone.  It really put a damper on my friend’s happy wedding mood as she ended up being the supporter to her MOH instead of the other way around.  I don’t think your BM/MOH should bow down to whatever you want – we’ve ALL been BM’s at least once and you know it’s not always the world’s most fun occupation – but if the person isn’t being at least supportive and happy to at least lend an ear when you need one, then that’s just not the type of friend you want to have in your life.  If people can’t put their feelings aside so you can enjoy a few things just for you, then they’re probably not very good friends to begin with.  You deserve support and caring at the very least.

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