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We are writing our own "prayers of the faithful" for our Catholic ceremony. If you don't know what those are here is a good description:http://www.catholicweddinghelp.com/topics/prayers-faithful.htm
Basically we can pray for whatever and I would like to include something about marriage equality without it being obviously about gay marriage. The Catholic church isn't real supportive of that and we are marrying in a very conservative church, I don't want to get in any trouble but do want to include something that is important to us.
If anyone is good with words I would appreciate the help!
Here are some ideas so far, but none of them seem quite right.
For all who have found a partner, we pray that they can find their way to marriage like Matt and Meghan.
For those kept apart by injustice, we pray that the ignorance that separates them are exposed to the enlightenment of gods love.
I think the first two would be good, but the third one is pretty obvious and I don't know if your priest would say it.
Good for you girl! As a Catholic as well, I think this is a great idea. I like the second one best.
we said our prayers of the faithful and did this with ours. we said "for all those joined in love throughout the world, may they..." blahblahblah i can't remember, you get the gist!
Thanks for the ideas!
@elliestan: I would love to know how yours ended, the ending is what I am struggling with. I don't want it to be so obvious but I also don't want the meaning to be lost on everyone...
In my search I found this site, which is very cool: http://catholicsformarriageequality.net/about
Which led me to this beautiful quote: God is Love and all who love, live in God.
So now I have this, is it appropriate?
@meginstl: no prob, i found a copy of it on my computer! i had a shout out in there to my brother & his fiancee, so you would just ignore that part. you could say "commit themselves to each other" or "make a lifelong commitment" instead of marry if you want to keep it ambiguous.
For all couples joined in love throughout the world, and for those preparing to marry – especially (Brother) and (Brother's Fiancee). May their love and devotion to one another be strengthened. We pray to the Lord.
Any opinions on what I posted above?
This prayer:
For all those who have found love, we pray that they will be afforded the right to celebrate their love, because God is Love and all who love, live in God.
Can I ask why you are having a Catholic wedding if you disagree with the Church's fundamental moral teachings regarding marriage? Please don't take this personally, but it would seem rather unkind and disrespectful to do this in a house of worship during a religious ceremony. I am sure the pastor would not appreciate it, at all, and if you have any Catholic-believing guests they may be VERY offended by your choice of platform as well. Especially as it is a fairly conservative parish. If you wish to express the sentiment, that's fine but choose a different platform. A toast or speech at your reception perhaps.
Perhaps the most authentic, and respectful, choice would be to not have a Catholic wedding at all, as you do not agree with the Catholic understanding of marriage.
But I have to say in general it's a good idea to avoid pairing political statements with weddings. Unless you have a truly monochrome guest list, you will be in the company of people coming from a beautiful diversity, a rainbow of religious and philosophical backgrounds, and a good hostess of course would strive to avoid hurting anyone's feelings or coming off self-rightous.
Especially at a wedding which is about joining people together and not dividing them into "people who think the right way" and "people who think the wrong way." Other "issues" which typically divide more than they unite people include pro-life, pro-choice, sexual choices in general, financial choices, electoral politics and so forth. The old rule about not discussing politics, sex, or money at a social event transfers well to wedding planning.
Perhaps you could privately give a donation to a pro-gay marriage charity in honor of you wedding? I'm concerned you might make some of your guests feel very unwelcome, besides the issue of disrespect to the Church. I'm sure you mean well and I'm sure there is a way to incorporate this if it is very important to you.
@Magdalena: this. Very well written, Magdalena.
That being said, I'm also a terrible Catholic, who is having a Catholic ceremony- but it seems off to me, adding that to the prayer of the faithful (though I agree with it 100% and do think it is sweet of you).
I think that it's okay if you have a more modern view about certain things than the church would be comfortable with, but I don't think it's okay to be deceptive about it and use tricky wording to stick it in a prayer.
I really like Magdalena's suggestion that you highlight a particular organization during some aspect of your reception, I think it would be more appropriate there.
@meginstl: i think the one you posted is a little too in your face, tbh. i'd pull it back because the way it's written it will definitely raise some eyebrows and adding that line makes it kind of a tongue twister too! go back to the sentiments of what you want to pray for, not the legalities.
@Magdalena: Fair question, we "chose" a Catholic wedding because I had to choose my battles and that one wasn't even worth touching. I put chose in quotes because it was always just assumed we would be married in the church so it was never really a choice. I know it is our day and all that good stuff but some things just are not worth rocking the boat over. I think the Catholic ceremony is beautiful and both FI and I were raised Catholic so it is a huge part of who we are and our culture. Since this day is essentially about love and marriage it is important to us to include personalization and our beliefs.
As I said before I don't want to simply say "we pray that gay marriage is legalized" because we don't want to offend. If we say it right, the older people won't get it and that is fine. Those that do understand won't be offended and will appreciate it.
Personally, I think making a specific announcement at the reception will offend more people than a two sentence semi-ambiguous prayer at the ceremony. It fits in with what is going on during that part of the ceremony, it won't really flow during the reception. We aren't doing a speech or any sort of announcement at the reception so it would be pretty obvious if we brought it up then.
The point of the prayers are to pray for things that are important, poverty, hunger, homelessness, war, the sick, the dead, etc. This is important to us. We are also including a prayer about pro-life meaning many things, protecting our environment, abolishing the death penalty, caring for the sick, etc, because that too is important to us. This is one of the few personalizations I am able to make at the ceremony so I would like to do it. I am sending these to the deacon ahead of time so it isn't really deceitful, if he doesn't like it he can say no.
I hope not to offend with my comment, but please reconsider what you are doing.
The Catholic Church is completely against same-sex marriage, therefore it would inappropriate to include such a prayer within the sacred space of a Catholic church. Personal agendas and politics do not belong in the sacred space. Even though the sentiment is ambiguous, the real meaning of it is contrary to Church teaching, At this point I don't think anyone can to convince you otherwise, but it is simply incorrect to include this intention within the context of a Catholic ceremony.
@Magdalena: You can still agree with the Church while still maintaining that the gov't should not be legislating in regards to a religious ceremony. I 100% support gay marriage b/c it's not our gov'ts job to dictate who can and can't marry. Gov't marriage does not equal religious marriage in my opinion.
@meginstl: I appreciate that you believe in true "pro-life." Sadly, I have seen many Catholics only view the pro-life movement in terms of abortion, when in fact it covers poverty, illness, and unjust wars.
@Garnety: I have a couple of questions for you:
1. Do you agree that the teachings of the Catholic church have evolved over time and likely will continue to evolve?
2. If you agree to question 1, then would you prefer that people who disagree with some of the current teachings leave the church or would you rather they stay and try to implement change?
I like what you're doing! I'd go with the second one. Actually, I go to a pretty liberal Catholic church and about once a month during Sunday mass they have a prayer of the faithful that is exactly like your third option, which is surprising but I love it.
I'm so happy to hear you are doing this! I like your first two suggestions:
For all who have found a partner, we pray that they can find their way to marriage like Matt and Meghan.
or
@Magdalena: the OP was asking for advice on her prayer. she was not asking IF she should allow herself to get married in a church. I'm saddened and disappionted that this thread is taking a judgemental slant so quickly.
The catholic church believes in one God, but doesnt believe in separate mini gods. so I dont think the priest would say a prayer that includes "gods of love" Also, The catholic church and the bible speak against homosexuality so I dont think the priest would want to say anything that might sound like it is promoting same sex marriage. Have you considered having a a secular ceremony?
@beekiss: 100% agree with your post, believing in seperation of church and state does not negate believing in the Church.
@janie-janie: i'm disappointed too, but honestly not surprised.
Can we stop the threadjacking? OP is asking for opinions on the SEMANTICS of a prayer she has already decided to include in her already decided ceremony.
@janie-janie: I agree with you. I feel like people should stop debating whether or not she should be Catholic or have a Catholic ceremony. Judgement can only come from God. I'd much rather see Catholics even though they may disagree with certain Church teaching get married in the Church than not. It's very important that Catholics marry within the Church, to not do so is very grave and to suggest such is scandal.
@Lemma: They have not "evolved" but have been clarified over time in some cases. To say they've evolved with changing times is false because nothing can be declared dogma/doctrine if it contradicts previous dogma.
It's not up to us to 'implement change', laypersons do not know better than theologians ans Tradition, and our personal opinion is not above that of God's Word. These people by their heresy have already left the church, even if they remain there - they are not in full communion.
@beekiss: I totally agree, no one should say she should not have a Catholic wedding, even though the particular prayer is inappropriate.
@Garnety: So the whole no meat on Fridays thing was just a misunderstanding that got "clarified" away? Oh and finding Galileo guilty of heresy for believing that the sun does not revolve around the Earth, was that also just in need of a clarification?
If the Church is against it, I'm honestly not sure if there's an "appropriate" way to word it to fit it into your ceremony, unfortunately. I think you've come up with some beautiful ideas. But do you have to have them approved by any Church official or the priest who will be marrying you?
@Lemma: That is a good question. I hate to threadjack, but I want to answer your question.
No meat on friday (Friday Abstinence) is not dogma, it is a church practice of penance in honor of Christ.
The rule does still exsist, and it is up to the territorial conference of Bishops how the rule is maintained. In most of the world it is still in effect all year (see UK/Ireland, etc, they must still abstain and if you go there, as a Catholic you must also abstain).
The Bishops in the USA (USCCB/ NCCB) declared that Americans are to do an act of penance on every Friday OR abstain from flesh of warm blooded animals. It was not done away with completely. During Lent, we are to abstain from flesh, no exceptions.
For more info please look up 1966 "Pastoral Statement On Penance and Abstinence" or feel free to PM me :)
@Garnety: Thanks, I will PM you.
OP, sorry to threadjack. I think you are doing a wonderful thing by having a wish for love and inclusiveness be a part of your happy day.
I love the prayer Elliestan posted.
I am Catholic, but I also fully support gay marriage. That being said, I don't think the prayers of the faithful is the appropriate place to take such a stance. The last one you were specifically asking for opinions on,
"For all those who have found love, we pray that they will be afforded the right to celebrate their love, because God is Love and all who love, live in God."
It is too wordy, in my opinion.
You should also be aware, even though you get to "pick" these, your priest will read them first, and help you revise them so they are more appropriately worded. So in all likelihood, anything that's obviously about gay marriage or something that is very wordy and ambiguous will probably be turned down.
I'm going to admit, I'm not good with words..But I had to mention that I fully support what you are doing; and think it is a very beautiful gesture to show love and support for your brother this way.
Haven't read thru all the replies -
but I LOVE this.
Most Catholics sitting in mass on any given Sunday DO believe in and practice artifical forms of birth control, and there have been polls that show that the majority of Catholics do support gay marriage legalization. Heck, some even want religious gay marriage!
So, you are awesome. You are awesome x 500000.
We need more of you.
Also, another choice is....
Are you praying at dinner?
You could say it in a prayer before dinner where the priest can't stop you.
I like the third one rewritten (just a touch!!) like this...
For all those who have found love that they be afforded the right to celebrate that love because God is love and all who love live in God... we pray to the Lord.
"The Catholic church isn't real supportive of that and we are marrying in a very conservative church, I don't want to get in any trouble but do want to include something that is important to us."
There is nothing else that is important to you other than wishing for something the Catholic Church itself is against?
"As I said before I don't want to simply say "we pray that gay marriage is legalized" because we don't want to offend. If we say it right, the older people won't get it and that is fine. Those that do understand won't be offended and will appreciate it."
So it is fine to say something offensive to the priest and many in the congregation as long as you're sneaky about it?
I think it's fine to have your own thoughts and convictions, but when in the Church I believe you should be respectful towards the institution, the priest, and those in the congregation. Don't try to pull one over on them because it makes you feel good - personally I find that backhanded. Save your thoughts for the reception where you can say exactly what you want to say without it being so ill received.
@jacinda10: Co-signing this post 100%. I would say more but I don't want to risk threadjacking by ranting about my tempetuous relationship with my Catholic faith. All I will add is that God is love and I applaud that you want to promote love for everyone.
In fact, when I get married, I'm going to see if I can include a similar prayer in the ceremony - it'll be held in a very liberal and progressive church 
@Garnety: I have to disagree that the church hasn't evolved over time. As a former Catholic, current Christian, and also a super nerdy history major, the Catholic church has most definitely changed over time. The Catholic church no longer allows indulgences. The Catholic church now allows women to be servers at Mass, for a more recent example. There have definitely been changes made over time.
@meginstl: I like the second one you posted best. While I sort of agree that you shouldn't get married in a Catholic church if you so strongly disagree with it (and not just you, but I'm always baffled by the number of people who believe in gay marriage and birth control but just tolerate the church's rules and don't actually follow them), I also can understand wanting to choose your battles. A lot of people have church weddings even when the religious aspect isn't important and it's not my place to judge anyway.
First let me saying that I'm pro gay marriage.
I am also Catholic.
I don't think it is fair to judge the OP for not perfectly agreeing with the church and yet still calling herself a Catholic. That's a very judgemental attitudes towards someone's personal spirituality.
However, even though this issue is very personal to the OP, I feel it would be inappropriate and highly politcal to make it part of your Catholic mass. In my humble opinion, if you are in the church, you should play by their rules. For example, if I went to mosque, I would cover my head.
I would rather see it as a prayer at dinner. As people already said, the priest will have to "ok" the wording and it seems dishonest to sneak it in.
@galloway111: Unfortunatley I'm afraid you are a teensy bit misinformed. The media always promotes ideas about the Catholic Church that are not exactly true, if you go to the horse's mouth. you'll find out the truth. If you are a former Catholic perhaps you left without fully understanding Church history and theology? - for instance, the Church DEFINITELY still does indulgences. ALL the time! Although they are not the eeeeevil "buying your way into heaven" thing that popular history makes them out to be and never were, actually, if you dig deep into it. I really recommend Robert Barron's series "Catholicism" if you are interested in some great historical myth-busting concerning the church :) For instance did you know that the Spanish Inquisition was actually opposed, in writing, by the Popes? True story!
@MissShork: Going to have to agree with you. Pretty sure a lot of Catholics use birth control or didn't wait until marriage to have sex. So obviously many practitioners differ from some of the Church's views and aren't 'perfect' Catholics. So calling her out for disagreeing with its stance on gay marriage is a bit hypocritical.
That said, I think it would be disrespectful to the priest especially, for you to use your wedding as a political platform - even though it's something that is personally important to you. My guess is the priest will get what point you are trying to make, and if it's a conservative church as you mentioned, that might not go over well. If it's something you truly want to incorporate into your day (and it seems you do), I would say it before dinner - then you can word it however you would like.
I realize that's not exactly the advice you asked for :-\
Edit: Saying it at dinner - you don't have to worry about the older generation 'getting it' or sneaking it into the prayer. You can say it how you want to and be very clear on your stance.
OP: I think this is amazing what you are doing. I'm also Catholic, born and raised and have never really thought about not being Catholic. That being said, the Church guides my beliefs, but I still feel as though I am able to make my own decisions...I think we call it Free Will in the Catholic Church?! Whether or not gay marriage will ever be legalized or recognized by the Catholic Church or any other resounding body is not the issue here. I truly do, and believe in my heart of hearts that any good person (Catholic or not) hopes that every individual in this world will find their own true love. How, Where, When, and What the circumstances are of that true love is are none of my business. I have several friends that are homosexual, and GASP still attend church on a regular basis. I do not chose to live the lifestyle that they have chosen, but I do respect them for the choices that they have made. I personally like the second choice you have listed above. I think that if it were brought up in a different context that many people would not think that your underlying message was "VOTE FOR GAY MARRIAGE" but rather your hopes and prayers that everyone would find love in the way that you and your husband have.
EDIT: We were also married in a fairly conservative church, however, our Priest encouraged us to write our own Prayer of the Faithful, and then he did not even read it before the ceremony. We had a very close friend of ours read it...not saying that I would try to slip something in there, but our Priest never said anything to us about the things that we wrote
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