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I have heard that aren't that bad. Some people actually have felt like they were fun. You learn a lot. I guess its also dependent on who you have them with. Our priest is very down to earth and understands that things are not always done in the traditional idea of marriage. We have our classes at the end of the month so we will see if I feel the same after that :)
Thanks for the encouragement. I agree it will depend on the other participants as well as the instructors. I'll be sure to give an update after next weeks first session. I may need additional encouragement to go back for the second Saturday. :)
We didn't live together when we did ours. Like you, though, we were still dreading our classes and we actually ended up enjoying them for the most part. Some of it seemed like it was taking forever, but other parts were actually really touching. They also had us discuss things we've already discussed, e.g. finances, but it was nice to just sit and talk to each other about a myriad of things. We also felt closer after and even more excited to get married.
It's honestly not that bad... we did our first pre-cana class in September and although some of the exercises were cheesy, it's not a doom-and-gloom sort of thing where people are looking down on you for living together pre-marriage. My fiance and I live together too, and the only "punishment" we have to endure for that is a second pre-cana session called "God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage," which I suppose is geared specifically toward couples who live together already. We won't be attending that one until Jan 24th though so I can't speak for that one yet ;-) Good luck!
We did our last session last week. It wasn't bad at all and we learned alot about eachother... when we told them we lived together, they didn't blink.
My advice? BE HONEST!!!
Will you going to engagement encounter or use a mentor couple? Our church asked that we do both. Although it was a little bit overkill, it really strengthened our relationship.
Good luck!
Not sure, I think a mentor couple. Thanks for all the comments..seems like we will survive in the end.
Hey,
My fiance and I just went to the first part of a 2 full day part series today. It actually wasn't as bad as we thought it was going to be. It was a big class, maybe 20 couples(I live in NYC). The couple who was mentoring us was very understanding. I agree with other comments that it was a good experience. My fiance and I learned new things about each other and it mades us feel extra special about our marriage. It seemed like marriage counseling (welll the first part). Like Tallbride says, "Be Honest".
I anticipate that it is going to be so much better than you expect, or in the least painful only because it is boring. :)
Pre-Cana is really just the same as any secular premarital counseling program with some extra Catholic goodies thrown in. My husband was very un-excited about going and we both found it so valuable that we intend on attending yearly retreats through the same program to continue strengthening our relationship. It taught us how to listen to one another better and we fight better (and less) now.
Maybe you're worried that you're going to get a sanctimonious priest who will shove doctrine down your throats, interrogate you about your transgressions, and make you feel guilty for not being perfectly in line with every church teaching? Please don't worry about that. If you ever encounter a priest like that then he is not doing his job very well.
Additionally, it is very likely that there will be non-Catholics in attendance (for couples where only one partner is Catholic). The Church is sensitive to this and they are not going to try to convert them or force you to be any more Catholic than you are ready to be. They are going to tell you the Church's position on topics and you may not agree with that position, so be prepared for that. But many topics will not be inherently religious at all (like, there's no Catholic theory of which in-laws will you visit at Christmas :) ). In our program the bulk of the time we spent discussing the topics privately with our fiance(e)s. We never had to reveal anything to anyone else if we did not want to. I hope you are able to get a lot from the experience and that it goes well for you!
My husband and I used to be one of the counseling pre-cana couples. It really should be a fun, interesting, process.
I will tell you, the precana couple should tell you where the Church stands on cohabitation. It's not acceptable. But even if they don't, at least someone told you. :)
Different churches are going to say different things on the subject. Some will not marry a couple living together, some will- but tell couples they shouldn't, and so on.
Probably the best thing for couples living together to do (other than stop living together), is tell the priest right away that they're living together. So they know right off where they stand. My guess is if it was a real problem you'd already know.
Good luck. But I think you'll find precana to be a good experience.
it wasn't as bad as we thought either. we were once avid church goers when were kids and not as much anymore. so we were dreading spending 8 hours of couply talk with a group. but the activities are still group friendly and at times when it's a little more personal, they give you time to be able to reflect at things as a couple.
it's a little weird to be in a room of engaged couples because at times it seemed like it was a contest on who could be more lovey dovey to each other. haha but overall, as long as you participate, the session goes A LOT faster and you won't die of boredom.
We have our pre-cana weekend next month, and then are also meeting with a mentor couple to go over our FOCCUS. I am a little nervous as well but thanks everyone for explaining what to expect!
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Next week is our first pre-cana session. Can someone please reassure me that it is not going to be incredibly uncomfortable. Not to mention, my fiance and i live together already.