Post # 1
I’m a guy and my girlfriend is going to leave the country (we live in the Philippines) this coming April. She and her family will move to California and stay there as per her father’s company’s contract. She plans to put me up for fiance petition, but god knows how long that process takes, along with the fact that it will take her a year before she obtains a green card.
So before she leaves, I’m planning on proposing to her, but as pre-engagement. Kind of like a promise that, when we get together again, we’ll get married (or do an actual engagement). I’m in very much good terms with her family, also the same with her to my family, but I don’t think that asking her parents for her hand in marriage at this early stage (we just hit 9 months last December 25) of the relationship is a pretty good idea.
Can anyone give me advice? Is this a good plan? Or is there something else better? As for the pre-engagement thingy, I’m at about 50% complete in terms of my surprise for her on that big day.
And yeah, I”m just 23, she’s 20, we both just finished college and now both employed.
Post # 3
I’m pretty anti-promise ring. I think it’s a really lame idea. I mean it may work for some couples, ESP in LDR but I just think it is a bit childish. Marriage is a huge commitment and I just think your either ready for it, ready to get engaged, or your not. I don’t see the point in a promise ring or “pre- engagement”. You either are engaged or your arnt. The two of you are pretty young and if your relationship survives this big move then I say you go forward with a real engagement but I wouldnt “pre-propose” just to prove you want to keep her, just continue what your doing and work on trying to date from a distance. Good Luck
Post # 4
Maybe just tell her! I think you’d be wsting your money on a promise ring (not a huge fan either) unless you want her to have something to wear to show she’s committed while she’s so far away.
I think I would say something like “when we’ve coped through all this move, and are back together, I’ll make you my wife with a real ring” but less badly thought out than that. =D
Post # 5
i’m not a promise ring fan. either propose or wait until the time is right. pre-engagement to me is just dating, which doesn’t require a ring.
Post # 6
@Yes-Man: Would giving her a promise ring stay within the traditions of her culture? If so, I say go for it. I don’t find anything wrong with promise rings especially if it is going to be a while before you see one another.
Post # 7
@Yes-Man: To be honest i don’t get what pre-engagement is. I mean if your not engaged your dating, or your in a relationship. Unless it’s culturally pertinent (is it a tradition?) I find it silly. Me and my SO live together and both know we plan on spending our lives together butif he introduced me as his Pre-fiancee I would probably laugh. Also it ruins the surprise for when we do get engaged.
I think that if you love each other and know you eventually want to be together then I don’t think there is any need to put an etiquette on it.
I think it would be nice if you got her a meaningful gift before she left since you willbe appart for a long time, maybe a pendant with an engraving?
Post # 8
I agree with the others, promise rings aren’t the way to go. You are either ready for engagement or not. What about having a longer engagement if you want to wait a while. Good luck!
Post # 9
I am not sure she will be gone that long seeing as she is not going to get a green card on the basis of her dad have a job contract there at her age and being a non-dependent. As an under-18 dependent you just get a piggybacked work visa and not a green card in these cases anyway.
Regarding the proposal, if you think you are ready, then just propose. I find pre-engagements a little strange. By all means, give her a ring for sentimental reasons, but I tend to think that you’re either engaged or you aren’t…
I am sorry that your GF has to leave. LDRs suck 🙁
Post # 10
Hi there, please explain what you mean about her length of stay? The last time we talked with her dad, the latter said that it’s a sure green card as long as they stay there for one year. And he also claims (along with the claims of my mother’s fiance who’s a US citizen) that a green card holder can apply for a petition… Sorry I really don’t know anything about that. And yeah, LDR sucks, and to make things worse she’s required to leave before her birthday (March 25) so we won’t be spending our first year anniversary together.
Thanks for your reply.
And to everyone else, thanks for your replies. Its gonna be a proposal, not a pre-engagement.
Post # 11
I agree with everyone who said you should just straight up propose or wait. My FI is 21 and he proposed to me on the third anniversary of the first day we met online. If he’d given me a promise ring (which he wanted to do initially), I would’ve been happy but I would’ve also felt it was a bit juvenile. Maybe because I feel promise rings are better for high school students than adults, and at 23 and 20 you are both adults. So either do it right and propose to her, or wait. LDR’s do suck but they will either make your relationship stronger or break it in my experience.
Post # 12
Yeah I’ve decided that it’s gonna be an engagement. I’m about to finish the 1000 origami cranes I’ve prepared for that special day 🙂
Post # 13
Well an early congrats to you both then! 🙂