(Closed) pre-engagement talk?

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ERsax:  We were “ready” to be engaged for about two years before we actually got engaged. So we had a lot of pre-engagement talks. The first one was when I told him I had changed my mind and was ready to be engaged whenever (I had previously said not before I graduate college and I was a sophmore in college at this point). We had been together for two years, and I realized that my ideas about timeframe had changed (not unreasonable since we started dating when I was 16 and I had assumed then that we would date for awhile and I would meet my husband years later. We had another one like 6 months later when he said he was ready to be engaged. Then we had one randomly every now and then (ranging from a few months apart to a few weeks apart for two years because I wanted to know what the holdup was).

We talked about

  • finances (I assumed that was part of the holdup),
  • my age (he wanted me to be older so the world would take us seriously),
  • how long our engagement would be (we had the same theoretical wedding date in mind, but I prefered a 2+ year engagement and he prefered under a year), 
  • how many kids we wanted
  • what religion we would raise them as
  • where we wanted to live
  • our future plans for school (law school for him, grad school for me)
  • and how we would avoid being long distance during school (I would delay grad school by one year so that he could move out with me for school instead of us being far apart for a year)
  • when we could get pets (my rule was once we were engaged, because I thought that would motivate him :P)
  • when we could live together (despite dating for years, I was nervous about being on the same lease without a ring because you never know)
  • and many other things that don’t come straight to mind. Basically, making sure our future selves would make a good married couple, and our current relationship was in order. We made sure our goals were shared, or at least that we had a rough idea of when we were going to make sacrifices (like taking a year off) for the good of the relationship (long distance sucks. we did it for a year, and later for 3 months. its not inconquerable, but its a lot of work and we don’t paticularly enjoy it.)

Some of these won’t apply to you based on your age and point in life, but you also might talk about the size wedding you want, where it would be, where you plan on living in general, and when you might buy your first home.

Oh and if you are like me, you can drop hints about rings. But if you want a surprise then don’t bother. Some women pick theirs out these days, and others don’t want to know anything about it. I knew my FI would have picked something radically different then what I wanted, and because I was “waiting” for two years I had time to fantasize about a ring.

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