- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
![Have you chosen your future bling? [pics please]](http://boards-static.weddingbee.com/images/left-loop-button-on.gif)
OMG- I knowwwwwwwwwwwww I am not waiting any more- but I have to answer this question- my choice is divorce is an option if things don't work out. It takes TWO to keep a marriage alive and even if I were to commit myself 1000%, if my partner should sadly not have that same desire, then divorce would be an option for us. It wouldn't be the first solution we come to- I am a HUGE fan of counseling and my SO and I already started counseling sessions as a couple and for pre-marital. We are doing whatever it takes to make sure this lasts between us HOWEVER should later on down the line it not work out- divorce is an option. We are even changing our vows so that we aren't doing the whole "promise/forever" - more like we choose each other and promise to invest in ourselves and our future.
I would not stay in a marriage if I was miserable and had tried to work through it but was not successful. Life is too short.
I chose never.. I have known my SO for long and know what kind of person he is and what kind of person I am.. we have discused it and both hold the same values. He's a no matter what.. I would have to think about it though if he ever cheated
I chose if there is abuse or infidelity. We have been through stuff as couple that's been rough, so I am pretty sure of how he will behave in other circumstances. I don't forsee us falling out of love, God forbid, but if we came to that road we'd cross it then.
As of right now and for the past 2yrs, we know we're in it til death do us part.
I've been divorced and my FI was in a loveless marriage for so long that I can honestly say, it takes TWO TO TANGO. In otherwords, it takes TWO to make a marriage work and if the love isn't there, if there's abuse/infidelity (though infidelity can be worked through), and both people aren't in it 100%, then YES, get a divorce.
It doesn't matter if kids are involved or not. If it's not a good, solid, happy marriage, then you shouldn't stay just because you're married.
At least, that's my opinion, but I know many others who have other opinions and choose to stay married no matter what.
So, is it weird that we never talked about divorce? I mean...never...not before we were engaged, before we were married or now that we've been married. Neither of us has ever brought it up, and I don't think either of us considers it an option.
I am of two minds. I think that most people who are getting married think that they know their SO so well and there is nothing that could possibly cause them to divorce unless it was something catastrophic and traumatic, like abuse or infidelity. And, I'll be honest, I'm the same way. I can't imagine being alienated or growing apart from my SO in any way. We've been together for many years and work well as partners. So I'd be inclined to vote "never unless infidelity or abuse." But, my practical side knows that life isn't always what we expect, and who really knows what can happen. I can't really say that I would stay in a loveless marriage, or that my SO would... we've never lived it.
@EleanorRigby I understand what you mean, everyone wants to think the best of their relationship and it's hard to view from the other side.
@Ryna thanks for the perspective
@2PeasinaPod I don't think it's bad to not have discussed divorce, no one wants to think about it. I always remember my parents saying that one of them was going to leave the marriage in a body bag (aka not until death).
@EleanorRigby: I think you're totally right. I don't know what I would do if I were presented with the ceating situation. I see women on here go through it all the time, and while it's easy for people to tell them to leave, it's not always that simple.
Abuse would definitely be a different story.
I always believed that marriage should be forever so I was really careful in choosing the right Man for me. I think that as long as there's no abuse or infidelity and both people are willing to put in a lot of effort to make things work that any marriage has the ability to work out.
Unfortunatly, my Mom was divorced twice and that was largely because the Men she married were scumbags who had a ton of problems and were unwilling to work on them.
I don't think anyone goes into a marriage thinking "Well, if this doesnt work. We will get a divorce". And if they do...thats sad.
There are the obvious reasons for divorce, like infedelity. But I think people can change over time and sometimes, no matter how strong a relationship was at the start, couples dont change together.
We've discussed it before and our views are the same, divorce is acceptable in situations that involve abuse and/or infedelity. We both agree that divorce shouldn't be used as a "band-aid" or quick fix. It definitely depends on the situation, but it does seem like divorce is taken more lightly in today's society than in the past and it definitely shouldn't be.
@sugarpea: I agree 100% my feeling is if you go into a marriage thinking divorce is ok for any reason other then abuse and/or infedelity its a sign you might not be ready. it makes me sad to see so many people get married thinking its just like buying a dress and returning it because you dont like it
@Bostongrl25: In response to your comment:
"I don't think anyone goes into a marriage thinking "Well, if this doesnt work. We will get a divorce". And if they do...thats sad."
One of my siblings actually has that view point, and just got engaged with "we can always break off the engagement so it's not a big deal if we don't work out" viewpoint in mind, while I am the complete opposite. Althought you can't prevent things from happening, I have the mindset that I will not get a divorce just because of a bump in the road that we don't want to work to get over. I voted for *unless abuse/infidelity*, but I do understand that other things may come up that you cannot control.
I think some people have varying views on what "if things don't work out" means. I think some people think of it as as soon as difficulties arise you end the marriage. To me it means you have tried everything in your power to resolve issues but you know that you would be a happier person if you were no longer married to that person. So yes, I would get a divorce if that was the case. And I have a feeling that the majority of people, if they were in that situation, would do the same even if they aren't considering that a possibility at the moment.
I would have to have a really good reason. I would not divorce if I was just like tried of him or some how his physical features are changed lol. I am in the relationship I am in because I truly love my FI.
I take marriage very seriously, and I would prefer to be with one person for the rest of my life, also that same person (my first love and first everything in my life) but if for some reason things don't turn out, we're unhappy then divorce should be an option on the table.
Trust me I'm not taking it lightly when I say that, I come from a broken family and divorces all around me, I would HATE that option... but I would hate to feel "stuck" if things aren't right or go sour, for any reason.
I would also hate to be stuck in a relationship with no on going effort to keep things fun and interesting, I know that would just drive me nuts, it's what of the fears I had of getting married, it always feels like people just give up and let themselves go but I'm not that type of person and I hope my spouse isn't either.
I would never leave my spouse for a handicap or illness, and I would never adjust to the world if I lost my other half.
I'm a huge bird lover, and many birds mate for life, I adore that devotion I see in many species.
There are a lot of pretty sucky situations it's hard to conceive of when things are fairly new and you're so in love... things besides abuse or infidelity that I don't think anyone should have to stick with for life because you "took a vow"...
...what if they become addicted or alcoholic and refuse treatment?
...what if they stop working (get fired or quit voluntarily) and refuse to go back to work despite you wanting them to? Leaving you holding the bag financially for the two of you even though you never signed onto that and they are capable of working if they chose to?
...what if they stop having sex with you for years at a time (not due to some medical issue) and refuse to talk about it? And they aren't interested in giving you any type of physical affection or closeness?
...what if, as time goes by, they refuse to be emotionally intimate, don't want to talk about feelings, and fight your efforts to work on things?
I am pro-divorce if things are broken down for whatever reason and and there are things your partner could do to fix it and they refuse to. Life's too short to be unhappily married forever.
I don't believe in divorce except in cases of infidelity.
To me there are many many reasons to divorce and I don't seek that promise not to from my FI. I seek the promise that we both always put our relationship first above everything in life - that even if we were to have kids if we don't nurture our relationship our family will fail too.
This includes honesty even if it hurts the other person. If he is falling in love with someone else, I need to know so we can decide together what we want to do with that. Vice versa too.
We are currently engaged, but I agree with the PPs who have said it's definitely not a band-aid or quick fix...we would never enter into a marriage with the expectation that if it didn't work out, we would end it. For us, part of getting married is that it's a step above a relationship and a commitment that you're not going to break up if the going gets tough.Both of our parents have been married for 35+ years and we've seen them work through difficult times together. I do feel we are lucky to have great role models for marriage, and I absolutely see us being together forever. That said, I do understand there are sometimes unforeseen circumstances that make it difficult to say "never." I would instead say we don't see it as a remedy, and we hope to be committed to work through our problems.
against! unless he hits you or goes and finds another lady for da bootay!
I think life is too short to spend it miserable, with someone you loathe. For me, that's when divorce in an option.
Of course everyone wants their marrige to last forever, but you have to be realistic that not everything works out as planned.
Something to think about re: staying married if children are involved: I am a child of divorce. My parents tried to stay together much longer than they should have because of me (I am an only child). They fought, which sucked. My dad spent all of his time at work or with different organizations he was involved with, to avoid my mom. This also sucked. Once they finally decided to split up, it was awesome for me--no more hiding in my room while they fought. And, my dad went out of his way to see me (vs going out of his way to avoid my mom and thus me in the process). It has been 20+ years since they divorced and I still think that their divorce was the best thing for my relationship with my dad that ever happened--we are now very, very close which would never have happened if they stayed married.
That said, I am 34 years old and just now getting married...as I have been VERY picky about who I got serious about. Because I saw first hand what not marrying the person you know 100% is the one for you results in--a nasty old divorce and/or unhappiness.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 89 |
| beargoose | 54 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 51 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| ndreighton | 40 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| Beckster329 | 36 |
| MrsPom | 35 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Scottish_lassie | 4 |
| MissHoney | 4 |
| stace0616 | 4 |
| MissBoPeep | 3 |
| AnastasiaM | 3 |
| bellasperanza | 3 |
| MsMamaBear | 2 |
| MrsCarnival | 2 |
| sehrler | 2 |
| batwoman | 2 |
Hey Waiting Bees.
I’m new here, but have been stalking for a month or two and I was wondering if any of you have discussed divorce? What I mean is: my SO and I want to get married within the next few years, and we have always said that when we do get married, we will NEVER get divorced as long as there is no infidelity (his condition) or abuse (my condition).
Have you discussed similar things with your SO? What are your views?