Post # 1
Hey Waiting Bees.
I’m new here, but have been stalking for a month or two and I was wondering if any of you have discussed divorce? What I mean is: my SO and I want to get married within the next few years, and we have always said that when we do get married, we will NEVER get divorced as long as there is no infidelity (his condition) or abuse (my condition).
Have you discussed similar things with your SO? What are your views?
Post # 3
OMG- I knowwwwwwwwwwwww I am not waiting any more- but I have to answer this question- my choice is divorce is an option if things don’t work out. It takes TWO to keep a marriage alive and even if I were to commit myself 1000%, if my partner should sadly not have that same desire, then divorce would be an option for us. It wouldn’t be the first solution we come to- I am a HUGE fan of counseling and my SO and I already started counseling sessions as a couple and for pre-marital. We are doing whatever it takes to make sure this lasts between us HOWEVER should later on down the line it not work out- divorce is an option. We are even changing our vows so that we aren’t doing the whole “promise/forever” – more like we choose each other and promise to invest in ourselves and our future.
Post # 4
I would not stay in a marriage if I was miserable and had tried to work through it but was not successful. Life is too short.
Post # 4
I chose never.. I have known my SO for long and know what kind of person he is and what kind of person I am.. we have discused it and both hold the same values. He’s a no matter what.. I would have to think about it though if he ever cheated
Post # 5
I chose if there is abuse or infidelity. We have been through stuff as couple that’s been rough, so I am pretty sure of how he will behave in other circumstances. I don’t forsee us falling out of love, God forbid, but if we came to that road we’d cross it then.
As of right now and for the past 2yrs, we know we’re in it til death do us part.
Post # 6
I’ve been divorced and my FI was in a loveless marriage for so long that I can honestly say, it takes TWO TO TANGO. In otherwords, it takes TWO to make a marriage work and if the love isn’t there, if there’s abuse/infidelity (though infidelity can be worked through), and both people aren’t in it 100%, then YES, get a divorce.
It doesn’t matter if kids are involved or not. If it’s not a good, solid, happy marriage, then you shouldn’t stay just because you’re married.
At least, that’s my opinion, but I know many others who have other opinions and choose to stay married no matter what.
Post # 7
So, is it weird that we never talked about divorce? I mean…never…not before we were engaged, before we were married or now that we’ve been married. Neither of us has ever brought it up, and I don’t think either of us considers it an option.
Post # 8
I am of two minds. I think that most people who are getting married think that they know their SO so well and there is nothing that could possibly cause them to divorce unless it was something catastrophic and traumatic, like abuse or infidelity. And, I’ll be honest, I’m the same way. I can’t imagine being alienated or growing apart from my SO in any way. We’ve been together for many years and work well as partners. So I’d be inclined to vote “never unless infidelity or abuse.” But, my practical side knows that life isn’t always what we expect, and who really knows what can happen. I can’t really say that I would stay in a loveless marriage, or that my SO would… we’ve never lived it.
Post # 9
@EleanorRigby I understand what you mean, everyone wants to think the best of their relationship and it’s hard to view from the other side.
@Ryna thanks for the perspective
@2PeasinaPod I don’t think it’s bad to not have discussed divorce, no one wants to think about it. I always remember my parents saying that one of them was going to leave the marriage in a body bag (aka not until death).
Post # 10
@EleanorRigby: I think you’re totally right. I don’t know what I would do if I were presented with the ceating situation. I see women on here go through it all the time, and while it’s easy for people to tell them to leave, it’s not always that simple.
Abuse would definitely be a different story.
Post # 11
I always believed that marriage should be forever so I was really careful in choosing the right Man for me. I think that as long as there’s no abuse or infidelity and both people are willing to put in a lot of effort to make things work that any marriage has the ability to work out.
Unfortunatly, my Mom was divorced twice and that was largely because the Men she married were scumbags who had a ton of problems and were unwilling to work on them.
Post # 12
I don’t think anyone goes into a marriage thinking “Well, if this doesnt work. We will get a divorce”. And if they do…thats sad.
There are the obvious reasons for divorce, like infedelity. But I think people can change over time and sometimes, no matter how strong a relationship was at the start, couples dont change together.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
We’ve discussed it before and our views are the same, divorce is acceptable in situations that involve abuse and/or infedelity. We both agree that divorce shouldn’t be used as a “band-aid” or quick fix. It definitely depends on the situation, but it does seem like divorce is taken more lightly in today’s society than in the past and it definitely shouldn’t be.
Post # 14
@sugarpea: I agree 100% my feeling is if you go into a marriage thinking divorce is ok for any reason other then abuse and/or infedelity its a sign you might not be ready. it makes me sad to see so many people get married thinking its just like buying a dress and returning it because you dont like it
Post # 15
@Bostongrl25: In response to your comment:
“I don’t think anyone goes into a marriage thinking “Well, if this doesnt work. We will get a divorce”. And if they do…thats sad.”
One of my siblings actually has that view point, and just got engaged with “we can always break off the engagement so it’s not a big deal if we don’t work out” viewpoint in mind, while I am the complete opposite. Althought you can’t prevent things from happening, I have the mindset that I will not get a divorce just because of a bump in the road that we don’t want to work to get over. I voted for *unless abuse/infidelity*, but I do understand that other things may come up that you cannot control.